


How Much Is Too Much?

by CupcakeGirlA



Category: Olympics RPF, Real Person Fiction, Speed Skating RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-01
Updated: 2012-02-01
Packaged: 2017-10-30 11:16:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 54,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/331168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CupcakeGirlA/pseuds/CupcakeGirlA
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a voice from the past calls begging for help, Apolo must face demons long since buried, and JR, caught up in it all, will be faced with an impossibly hard choice. Will he risk it all to save a strangers life?</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Much Is Too Much?

**Author's Note:**

> Part of the Hit the Showers Big Bang (LJ).  
> Fantastic Cover art by LJ's MadebyMarienne  
> Thanks to D and C for all the encouragement on this one. You girls rock.  
> Beta: D (sort of). If you find anything outrageous, feel free to let me know. Thanks.

  


JR watches Apolo make the salad, cutting up what seems like half-a-dozen different types of vegetables and at least three kinds of meat and two types of cheese, adding it to the top of the pile already quickly filling the bowl. JR shakes his head turning back to the sandwiches he’s making. Meatball subs, complete with melty yummy gooey cheese on real rolls. It is an indulgence, this sandwich. A one-off. It’s a meal not to be repeated for probably the next eight months. Apolo is helping to get him ready for the 2014 Olympic Games in Sochi, Russia, and is even planning to diet right along with him, though perhaps not quite as strictly as JR would have to be.

 

“How much cheese are you putting on those things?” Apolo asks. JR grins widely, showing a mouthful of even white teeth.

 

“As much as I can be sure will melt properly!” JR replies. Apolo laughs, shaking his head.

 

“Don’t let Jae Su know or you’ll be skating laps tomorrow for hours!” JR sticks a piece of cheese in his mouth chewing happily before replying.

 

“Do I look stupid? The only way my head coach is gonna find out shit is if my assistant coach rats me out. So how bout it Coach? Keep my secret for me?” he asks, nudging Apolo’s shoulder. Apolo rolls his eyes.

 

“I don’t want to get into trouble for allowing this entire meal to happen right in front of me. Just don’t expect me to keep quiet later on if you attempt this again!” Apolo’s phone rings then and with his hands covered in tomato juice, he points to where it sat on the kitchen table using his elbow. “Get that for me would you?”

 

JR plops the last piece of cheese on to the second sub and reaches for the phone.

 

“Hello. Apolo’s phone, how can I help you?” he asks.  There is a momentary silence on the other end of the line.

 

“Umm, hello. Is Apolo Ohno available to come to the phone?” a male voice asks, sounding hesitant. JR covers the phone, mouthing to a watching Apolo: ‘I think it’s a fan.’ Apolo rolls his eyes waving his hands around in the traditional ‘I’m not here’ gesture.  JR sticks his tongue out at him before uncovering the phone again.

 

“He’s unavailable at the moment, can I take a message?” he says sweetly. There is another short silence before he gets a reply.

 

“Could you just give him this number, and tell him his brother Michael called, that I need to talk to him ASAP. That it’s important. Thanks.” The man on the other end of the phone hangs up before JR can get his mouth working enough to form a coherent response.

 

“Fuck!” he says suddenly. Apolo turns back to look at him, amusement shining in his eyes.

 

“What? Did they ask you if the refrigerator was running or something?” The amusement drifts off his face as soon as he sees JR’s pale shocked expression. “JR?” he asks seriously wiping his hands dry with a paper towel.

 

“He…” JR pauses, taking a deep breath. “He said he was your brother. Michael.” JR says quietly. Apolo’s face hardens.

 

“Yeah? What else did he say?” he asks, turning to carry the finished salad to the kitchen table. JR watches him go back to the cabinet getting bowls and plates down. JR clears his throat.

 

“He said that he needs to talk to you ASAP, and that it was important.” Apolo nods, getting out the vinaigrette from the fridge and silverware from the drawer by the sink.

 

“Are the sandwiches done?” he asks poking at the half melted cheese sitting atop one of the hot sandwiches. JR shakes his head.

 

“They need to sit under the broiler for a minute or two.” He watches as Apolo sticks the plate into the oven. “Apolo?” he prompts. Apolo tenses up. His back to JR. JR puts the phone down on the kitchen counter, and goes to wrap his arms around Apolo from behind. “Apolo?” he asks again. Apolo makes a low sound deep in his throat. It sounds painful. Then he straightens up turning in JR’s arms to look him in the face.

 

“Let’s eat,” he says, trying to smile. JR stares at him.

 

“Apolo, he said it was important. It _sounded_ important,” JR says quietly.  He watches Apolo’s eyes close as he takes a deep breath.

 

“I’ll call him back after we eat,” Apolo says moving to check on the sandwiches. JR’s arms fall to hang uselessly at his sides. “These are done!” Apolo announces cheerfully, removing the hot plate from the oven, and setting it down in the center of the table. JR smiles back, nodding.

 

Dinner goes by slowly, both of them picking at their food rather than eating it. After a little while, with both of them sitting there merely moving food around on their plates, JR shooting meaningful glances at Apolo every few minutes, and neither of them bothering to even pretend to eat anymore, Apolo stands up abruptly. Picking up his plate and moving to the sink, he scrapes the leftovers into the trash.

 

“You done?” he asks over his shoulder, turning on the water. JR’s hands close on his, stilling them, JR’s chin resting heavy on his shoulder.

 

“Call him,” JR says quietly. Apolo’s shoulders heave once but he nods, releasing the plate to sit in the sink and drying his hands. JR takes his place washing all of their dishes quickly and efficiently. While Apolo moves to sit at the kitchen table, picking up his cell phone hesitantly.

 

Bringing up the last incoming number, he presses send, sitting back in his seat, and rubbing a hand back through his hair. The phone rings twice before a nervous voice answers it.

 

“Hello?” the woman asks. Apolo takes a breath.

 

“Is Michael there? It’s Apolo,” he says quietly. He hears a gasp.

 

“Yes, he’s right here. Hold on!” then calling away from the phone, “Michael! It’s him. He’s called!” Apolo licks his lips, his hand tightening on the cell phone. A few seconds later there is a shuffling sound from the other end of the line, whispered words, and the phone changing hands.

 

“Hello? Apolo?” the voice is deeper than Apolo is expecting.

 

“Yeah. Is this Michael?” he asks. There is a heavy sigh on the other end.

 

“Yes. This is Michael. I’m so glad you called me back. I..” the man, Michael, pauses. “I need your help,” his voice breaking on the last word.  Apolo looks up as JR takes the seat beside him, reaching out for his hand. Apolo wants to pull it away, but instead flips it palm up, letting JR’s fingers thread through his own. “Apolo?” comes a hesitant call.

 

“Just, tell me what you want,” Apolo says quietly.

 

“It’s delicate. Can I come see you? You’re in Salt Lake City, right?” Michael asks. Apolo closes his eyes.

 

“Yes. How did you know?”

 

“You’re kind of easy to Google, Apolo,” Michael says a touch of humor in his voice.

 

“I guess you can come. It must be important if you want to fly all the way out here.” JR squeezes his hand, and he squeezes back.

 

“It’s very important. I can be on the first flight out tomorrow morning,” he pauses. “Can I meet you for lunch somewhere?”

 

“No, lunch doesn’t work when we have training. Text me your hotel info when you know it. I’ll come pick you up. We’ll do dinner. 7:30pm. Does that work?” he asks.

 

“Yes, whatever you’d like. Apolo, I know you have no reason to talk to me. I just want to say thank you for calling, for hearing me out tomorrow.”

 

“I don’t know what you want Michael, but I haven’t agreed to anything. You have me curious, nothing more.” There is a sigh on the other end of the phone.

 

“Fair enough. I’ll text you when I know where I’ll be staying. Thank you, Apolo,” Michael says.

 

“Goodbye, Michael.” Apolo ends the call, setting the phone down. He knows he has his “game face” on, knows he needs to say something but not knowing what. JR waits patiently, still holding his hand. “He’s flying out tomorrow. He says he needs my help. He didn’t say why.” JR nods.

 

“You’re meeting for dinner?” he asks. Apolo nods. “Do you want me to come?” he asks. Apolo lets his face relax.

 

“No. Jordan gets in tomorrow. You were supposed to help him unload the moving van.”

 

“You were supposed to help too!” JR protests. Apolo laughs a short shocked laugh.

  
“Yeah, like that was gonna happen!” he teases. JR smiles at him. There is a moment of silence, and the leftover awkwardness of the phone call returns.

 

“What do you think he wants?” JR asks.

 

“I don’t know. But it’s something big. I’m pretty sure I’m not going to like it,” Apolo answers. JR frowns.

 

“Jordan will understand…” JR starts but Apolo cuts him off.

 

“No, I’m a big boy, JR. I appreciate your concern but I’ll be fine. Go hang out with Jordan. Keep Oly occupied while they unload the van or something. I’ll let you know what happens when I get back.”

 

 

 

JR is wrestling with Oly, keeping him occupied as ordered, while Jordan, Travis, and Simon unpack the kitchen boxes when the front door flies open, and Apolo slams inside. JR is immediately up off the floor and walking toward him.

 

“Apolo?” he asks. Apolo doesn’t answer. His face is a mask of cold fury, his skin pale, the muscles in his shoulders tight. He paces back and forth, one hand carding through his hair, the other clenching and unclenching at his side.

 

“Jesus,” Jordan whispers. “He’s pissed as fuck!” Simon blinks nodding. JR shoots them both a look.

 

“Apolo!?” JR prompts. Apolo stops pacing, looking at JR with dark eyes. They are angry, yes, but hurt and confused too, and as tied up in knots as they had been last night only x100. JR steps closer, reaching out tentatively to take Apolo’s clenched fist.

 

“He wants a goddamn kidney!” Apolo sneers. JR gasps, the guys looking on in confusion.

 

“What!?” JR asks. Apolo shrugs his shoulders, the hand in his hair flying up in the air.

 

“He wants a kidney! That’s why he called. It’s why he came all the way out here!” Apolo says angrily.

 

“Why _who_ came all the way out here? From where?” Travis asks Jordan. Jordan shrugs his shoulders, eyes wide and staring.

 

“What did you tell him?” JR asks. Apolo rolls his eyes.

 

“I didn’t tell him anything. I just stood up and walked out of the goddamn restaurant. I mean what does one say to the brother that they haven’t had any contact with in nearly 29 years when they show up and ask for a vital organ?” Apolo growls.

 

“Brother!?” Travis, Simon, and Jordan chorus.

 

“Half-brother! And shush!” JR says, glaring at them. He turns back to Apolo.  “What? He just asked? No build-up? No nothing?” he asks. Apolo takes a deep breath.

 

“He didn’t blurt it out or anything. He sort of built up to it, I guess. Gave me this long speech about how proud he is of me, and how sorry he is that he never contacted me. That his Mom forbid him, and when he was old enough he was sure I wouldn’t want anything to do with him. That when he saw me in the 2002 Olympics, he thought about it then, but he heard about the thing with his mom…” He pauses, seeing JR’s confusion. “She tried to contact me after I won the medals. My dad told me, asked me if I wanted to see her, or at least talk to her. I told him no. When she called again, he told her, and she didn’t try again. Apparently she told Michael that I didn’t want have anything to do with either of them. By then he was married and had a kid, and he figured I had just moved on. He didn’t want to bring up bad memories or stir up any more shit in my life. But that he needs my help now. I really want to punch something. Where’s Jordan?” he asks looking around. A loud “HEY!” echoes from the corner of the room, but JR moves in closer, holding Apolo by the head with both hands.

 

“Focus!” he says trying not to laugh. “This is serious! Now, what exactly did he say to you?” he asks. Apolo groans.

 

“He said he would understand if I hated him but that he needed to ask me for something. That I would need to think carefully before I answered, that it was a huge decision. He kept building it up more and more. I finally just asked him what he wanted already. Then he just blurted it out. ‘I need your kidney.’” Apolo’s eyes go a little dazed. “Just said it, like it was nothing.” JR kind of doubts that with the description of the entire conversation including its build-up, but decides not to criticize.

 

“You just stood up and left?” Apolo nods. “He didn’t come after you?” JR asks. Apolo looks down.

 

“I got to my car just as he left the restaurant. He was yelling after me as I drove away. Then he called like 5 times. But I didn’t pick it up,” Apolo explains. Just then his cell phone rings again, and he pulls it from his pocket, looking at it with caution. His shoulders slump in recognition and JR takes the phone from his hand.

 

“Sit down,” he orders, heading for the front door. Apolo makes a grab for the phone but JR glares at him, pointing to the couch. Apolo slumps down on it, the other guys cautiously coming in to sit down as well. Travis reaches down to pat Apolo’s shoulder before sitting on the other end of the couch. Oly crawls up into Apolo’s lap, looking sad, as if he somehow knows that Apolo is upset. Apolo starts to pet the dog, his eyes fixed on JR, as he answers the phone, and steps outside, closing the door behind him.

 

“Hello?” JR asks, going to sit on the step midway down the sidewalk.

 

“Apolo?” the voice asks frantic.

 

“No, this is JR, Apolo’s a little upset at the moment,” JR says his voice like steel.

 

“JR? Oh? JR the skater, JR?” the voice asks, confused.

 

“JR. Apolo’s best friend, JR. What the hell did you say to him?” JR asks. The man on the other end of the phone sighs.

 

“He didn’t let me explain!” Michael protests. “I know he has no reason to like me, no reason to trust me or want to help me. But he’s my last chance!” Michael’s voice turns pleading.

 

“He’s confused! You and your mother left when he was less than a year old. He doesn’t even remember you. You’ve never tried to contact him. And then when you do it’s this big huge thing that you want from him!” JR responds. The man sighs.

 

“I know. That’s why I flew out here. I knew he’d probably say no. But, I had to ask. And it had to be in person. He was our one shot!” the man’s voice chokes off then.

 

“One shot for what?” JR asks. “You must be sick to need a kidney… Is it bad?”

 

“I’m not the one who needs it,” Michael says quietly. JR frowns.

 

“Then who needs it?” he asks.

 

“Sarah. My daughter. She’s about to turn 11…” JR’s gasp is audible.

 

 

 

Apolo is sitting with his head tilted back against the couch, his eyes closed, with Oly stretched out across his abdomen, when JR comes back into the house, looking pale. Simon and Jordan are unpacking again, while Travis sits at the other end of the couch, watching Apolo. He nods at JR when he comes inside, and stands up to go help with the unpacking of Jordan’s plates and glassware. Apolo looks up at the movement, and seeing JR, sits up straighter on the couch. JR comes to sit beside him, turns to face him.

 

“What did the Bastard have to say this time?” he asks. JR licks his lips.

 

“It’s not for him. The kidney, I mean,” he says quietly. Apolo’s brow furrows in confusion.

 

“What are you talking about?” he asks. JR sighs, curling closer.

 

“It’s for his daughter, Sarah. She’s 10...” JR starts to explain.

 

 

 

“It’s called Polycystic Kidney Disease. PKD… She was diagnosed as a baby. It’s mostly treatable. She has a really strict diet, and she has to be checked regularly, but it’s gotten worse this last year. She has kidney stones, high blood pressure, and she’s nearing renal failure. They’re talking about putting her on dialysis!” Michael says, his voice pained. Apolo sits across from him in the hotel suite, slumped on the couch, and looking anywhere but at his half-brother. JR sits beside him, studying Michael’s face and mentally comparing him to Apolo. There is some facial feature that they share, but the blatant differences are throwing JR’s perceptions off. Michael is a white dude, like a super white dude, with light brown hair, and green eyes, and pale skin. His hair is thick like Apolo’s, and JR suspects it would have a similar wave to it, if he let it grow out. But the scruffiness of the guys face, and the thick hair covering half of it is making it difficult to pinpoint what else they had in common. The shape of their foreheads? The slight chub to their cheeks when they smiled? Their noses! They had the exact same nose! JR puts away that piece of information for later, and tunes back into the conversation.

 

“And there’s no one else?” Apolo asks.

 

“You think I’d be begging you for help if there was?” Michael shoots back. He stands up, beginning to pace, and the way he slumps his shoulders is so familiar, JR has to look away. “Ben is only 4, he’s too young. I’m not a match. I’m AO but Sarah is OO she wouldn’t accept it from me. My wife, Judy is four months pregnant. They found out about the new baby when she went into get cross-matched. Judy was adopted. She has no family. I only have you and Mom, and she can’t do it either, she has her own health problems that make it impossible. That leaves you!” Michael sits back down. “I know what I’m asking of you,” Apolo cuts him off.

 

“You have no idea what you’re asking of me!” Apolo shouts, standing up. “You didn’t want me! She didn’t want me! Now, 29 years later you want me to volunteer to go in for major surgery! To give up a part of myself for... for...” Apolo doesn’t know how to finish the statement.

 

“For my daughter!” Michael shouts back, standing as well. “She’s 10 years old, Apolo! _She_ didn’t do anything to you! _She_ doesn’t deserve to die! Do you have any idea what dialysis does to a little girl’s body?!” Apolo flinches back. JR stands up then, moving between the two.

 

“Enough!” he says, pushing them away from each other. JR watches Apolo turn away from them both, his shoulders tight with anger. “This is ridiculous. Apolo, I think we should go. We have training in the morning, and a decision like this shouldn’t me made in haste, or in anger.” He watches Apolo nod. He looks at Michael, feeling sympathy for him, but not enough to take his side over Apolo’s. “I understand why you came. I understand what it must have taken, but you have to look at this from Apolo’s point of view. This is a LOT to ask. And after all this time...” He watches Michael’s face crumple, watches him nod. “When do you leave?” JR asks.

 

“Morning after next,” Michael says softly. JR nods once.

 

“You’ll hear from him, okay?” he asks. Michael nods, moving to sit on the hotel bed again. JR touches Apolo’s shoulder. “Come on. Let’s go.” He pulls Apolo to the door. They leave without Apolo meeting anyone’s eyes. JR drives him back to the house they share. They pull into the driveway, and up inside the garage. Then sit in silence as the garage door closes slowly behind them. Apolo is staring out the front windshield, obviously not really seeing it. JR touches his hand, and Apolo seems to come awake turning to look at him.

 

“I can’t talk right now. Not anymore tonight. Ok?” he asks. JR nods, trying to smile.

 

“Let’s just go to bed, ok?” he suggests. Apolo nods, getting slowly out of the car.

 

A few hours later, JR lies curled up beside Apolo in the bed they share. He watches Apolo’s chest rise and fall, watches him sleep fitfully. Curling closer, he lets his head rest on Apolo’s muscled chest, his hand drifting across Apolo’s bare unmarred side. He closes his eyes tightly and tries really _really_ hard not to cry.

 

 

 

Apolo is quiet the next day at practice, giving commands during drill practice, offering critique but not making small talk. Travis, Simon, and Jordan are obviously worried, but manage to keep their mouths shut. That doesn’t however stop them from trying to corner JR on multiple occasions for more information. JR is pretty good at wiggling out of those situations, but they are tag teaming him, which is completely unfair. Eventually they corner him in the bathroom. Hey a man has to take a leak eventually, especially with as much water and tea as JR drinks.

 

“What the hell is going on, man?” Jordan asks, while Simon guards the door, and Travis uses his superior height and magnificent wing span to keep JR from making a break for it.

 

“It’s not my place to say anything,” JR replies, crossing his arms over his chest. Jordan rolls his eyes.

 

“We know you guys are fucking, but that doesn’t make you his lawyer or his priest. Who is this brother? Apolo’s an only kid!” Jordan says. JR rolls his eyes.

 

“Apolo’s Mom had another son, 10 years older than Apolo, took him with her when she left,” JR answers. This, he feels, is not an invasion of privacy, it is public knowledge. Jordan mouth drops open.

 

“And this dude just shows up and starts asking for internal organs?” he asks. JR sighs, rubbing at his face.

 

“It’s complicated…” he says quietly. “Look there’s a lot going on. And Apolo has a lot to think about right now. When he makes his decision, you guys will be some of the first to know. For now, you need to back the fuck off. Let him be,” JR demands.

 

“You mean he’s actually considering this?” Travis asks his eyes wide. JR sighs again. He’s been doing that a lot over the last three days.

 

“It’s not as cut and dry as you guys are imagining. Just do me a favor, and drop it! Please?” he asks. Jordan glares at him for a minute but nods. Travis follows suit. Simon rolls his eyes from behind the door, but nods as well. He stumbles backward suddenly when the door is shoved forcibly open. Apolo ducks inside and freezes. Scanning the room he finds Simon pressed to the wall behind the door, Jordan mid-room with hands on hips, and JR pinned to the wall between the urinals by a long-armed Travis. He rolls his eyes.

 

“You guys! This is so typical,” he groans, coming in and glaring until Travis releases JR. JR stumbles away from the urinals.

 

“They promised to mind their own business,” JR informs Apolo. Apolo raises a skeptical eyebrow in reply.

 

“That’ll be the day,” he says, making JR laugh. Apolo snags him by the wrist and pulls him in for a kiss, ignoring the gagging noises going on around them. They break apart a minute later. “Let’s stay home for dinner tonight,” he says softly. Jordan squawks in protest.

 

“You guys were supposed to come to my place for a welcome back dinner!” he cries. JR looks at him and shakes his head.

 

“You just want Apolo to spring for the contraband pizza and to hit us all up for manual labor!” he replies. Jordan blushes looking down. “I’m sure Simon and Travis can still come. You can always get Aly, Berlys, and Ryan to come over too. And _they’re_ not contractually obligated to squeal on you if you eat greasy pizza during training!” Simon’s eyes go wide again.

 

“Dude, you’d tell on us?!” he asks, staring at Apolo. Apolo lets out a laugh.

 

“Definitely!” he says, turning to the door, still holding onto JR’s wrist, and dragging him along behind him. “And no more pumping my boyfriend for information. It isn’t nice!” he says, shoving Simon out of the way and pulling the door open. He lets the door close on Simon’s bitching protest at being man-handled so roughly.

 

 

 

Dinner that night is some type of broiled fish, made edible through Apolo’s expert use of spices, accompanied by a brown rice and a veggie side that JR doesn’t honestly know the proper name of. After the dishes are done, and the leftovers stored in the fridge, JR lets himself be pulled down the hallway to their bedroom. He’s been letting Apolo drag him around a lot today, as a courtesy. But this is new, and it immediately has him suspicious. It is a bit early for bedtime; that is the first clue. Then Apolo pulls him straight into the master bathroom and into the shower; that is the second one. So JR is in no way shocked when, after they’d completed their shower and dried each other off, he finds himself pushed down on their king-sized bed and completely ravished.

 

OK, ravished might not be the correct term for it, fucked into oblivion is the more accurate term. Apolo is very thorough. He holds JR’s hands to the bed, gripping the wrists tightly, until JR gets the message to keep them there. Then he’d starts with the kissing and the stroking, and the stretching, until he gets inside and the thrusting begins.

 

This is typical Apolo behavior when he is having a hard time dealing with something, an important decision of some kind. Instead of looking at the problem, instead of thinking it through and examining all the options, Apolo just shuts that part of his brain off, and focuses on something else entirely. Since they’d started dating a year before, that “something else entirely” had more and more often become a complete and utter focus on JR, and on getting him off as many times as possible before leaving him passed out across their bed, exhausted. So JR isn’t surprised when he wakes up at 3:00am, to find himself still naked, but cleaned up, and put to bed under the covers, alone.

 

Sitting up, and climbing out of bed, JR winces at the dull pain in his backside. Oh yeah, skating in the morning is going to be loads of fun. He stretches his back and shoulders, bending to pull on a pair of clean boxers.

 

He finds Apolo in the gym. He is on the leg press, lifting more weight with his legs than JR has seen him lift in well over a year. He is covered in sweat and grunting with pain at each lift. JR comes over, locking the machine in place, and smacking Apolo in the back of the head. Apolo doesn’t respond, he just climbs out of the seat and moves to the stationary bike, but JR dodges around him and stands in front of it, crossing his arms over his chest and just looking at Apolo. This isn’t healthy and he won’t let it continue. He stares at Apolo but doesn’t say anything. Apolo sighs and throws his hands up in the air.

 

“I know!” he growls. JR keeps looking at him, knowing he doesn’t have to say a word. Apolo turns and heads to the back of the gym, to the personal sauna he’d had installed there, and immediately climbs inside. JR sighs when he realizes Apolo had turned it on a while ago and that it is already at temperature. JR strips out of his boxers and steps inside with him. Apolo sits on the bench his head in his hands, elbows resting on his knees. JR pushes him back upright with sure hands and then climbs up into his lap. Apolo sits back, his arms going around JR, to keep him stable. JR presses close, shifting on the bench to sit higher on Apolo’s lap. Apolo leans his head back against the wall breathing deep as the rooms soothing dry heat beats down on them. JR presses the side of his face against Apolo’s, synching their breathing, and just pressing close everywhere they touch. This isn’t sexual but it is comforting. Apolo is already sweaty from his work out, but the heat of the sauna has him sweating in earnest, and soon JR is just as sweat soaked. Yet the still sit there neither moving but to breathe, and neither uttering a sound. 

 

When Apolo turns his face toward him, his forehead pressing to JR’s temple, his nose pressing to JR’s cheek, JR doesn’t respond. If Apolo needs to talk he’ll listen. If Apolo needs advice, he’ll offer some, but he refuses to push. He knows better than that.

 

“It’s almost 3am,” Apolo whispers voice hoarse. JR nods. “You should be in bed. Early training tomorrow,” he continues. JR nods again. “Go to bed, JR,” Apolo prods. JR shakes his head.

 

“Not alone. You know I can’t sleep by myself. You’ve spoiled me too much,” JR teases. Apolo huffs out a laugh, pulling his face back. He knows that’s a blatant lie, they are forced to spend at least a few nights apart every few weeks, when Apolo has to go out of town for speaking engagements or interviews. JR blinks at him, taking in the flushed sweaty face, and the damp hair.

 

“I..” Apolo trails off. “I don’t know what to do,” he whispers, forehead creasing.

 

“What’s your gut telling you to do?” JR asks.

 

“Run away screaming. Forget he ever called. Forget he even exists,” JR nods in understanding.

 

“What’s your head saying?” JR asks.

 

“That I don’t owe him anything. That kidney donations don’t have to be from relatives. That he can’t really expect me to do this. That it’s not my responsibility to fix this,” Apolo’s voice cracks. JR presses a kiss to his jaw, just under his ear.

 

“What’s your heart want you to do?” JR asks softly. Apolo’s chest heaves with emotion, and JR tightens his arms around Apolo’s shoulders, letting Apolo bury his face in JR’s sweaty shoulder. He runs a hand through Apolo’s wet hair. “Apolo?” he prompts, feeling tears coming to his own eyes.

 

“How can I let a little girl suffer?” Apolo whispers, his voice anguished. “How can I sit back and do nothing if I can help her? If I can make her healthy again? If I can save her life?” Apolo asks. He shakes his head, pressing his mouth to JR’s shoulder. He pulls back, and JR turns to look into his eyes. “He’s right. She didn’t do anything to me. She doesn’t deserve my hate or my anger. She’s innocent. How can I spend my days trying to change kids lives, trying to encourage them to lead healthy active lifestyles, and to make good choices, if I am willing to walk away from this?” he asks. JR sighs.

 

“I don’t have an answer for you, Apolo. You’re the only one who can make this decision. But you’re a good person. If you choose not to do this, that doesn’t make you selfish, or bad, or hypocritical. You can’t let yourself be pressured into this by Michael or by anyone else.” He leans forward and kisses Apolo’s lips. “Have you talked to Yuki yet?” he asks. Apolo’s eyes close and he shakes his head.

 

“I wanted to wrap my head around it before I spoke to him. I keep trying to figure out what he’d say, and either way I’m scared of the answer.”

 

“What do you mean?” JR asks, honestly confused. Apolo sighs, blinking in the dim light of the sauna.

 

“He sort of hates my mother, and I think by association her whole family. I mean, he never bitched about her or spoke badly of her, not to me at least, but he would get defensive if someone asks where she is. I think he’s still a little bit bitter. It was hard raising me all by his self. He doesn’t regret it, but I think part of him used to wish she hadn’t left us both. Back in 2002, when he first told me she’d called, he seemed to expect me to say no, that I didn’t want to speak to her. Which was sort of true. I don’t know how he’ll react when he finds out Michael called, and that I actually had not one but three conversations with him. But at the same time,” Apolo sighs putting his head back against the wall again. “You know how he is about kids and doing the right thing and helping people when you can. I can’t imagine him telling me to walk away.” JR smiles softly.

 

“Yuki’s a good man; a good Dad. He’d want what’s best for you,” JR says. Apolo grins, but it falls away just a moment later.

 

“How can what’s best for me be to _not_ help a child who needs it?” JR doesn’t have an answer.

 

“We don’t even know if you’d be a match. For all we know you won’t be!” he protests instead.

 

“Michael said she was O. JR, I’m O,” Apolo answers. JR shakes his head.

 

“It’s more complicated than that, Apolo,” JR groans. “Do you want my opinion?” he asks. Apolo nods.

 

“Your opinion is very important in this decision. You and I, we’re kind of a team.”

 

“Fine then… Here’s my opinion: You don’t have to make this decision right now. You don’t even know if you’re compatible. The first thing to do is get tested, find out if your kidney will even work for Sarah. If it will, then you’ll be faced with the decision.” Apolo nods in response and lets his forehead rest on JR’s shoulder. “If you say no now, without finding out, you’ll always wonder. But you can’t say yes until you’ve been matched.”

 

“Voice of reason,” he teases. JR laughs.

 

“Yeah, that’s me! John Robert Voice-of-Reason Celski.” Apolo laughs, pulling JR’s face to his for a kiss.

  
“Thank you,” he whispers when they break apart. JR closes his eyes, pressing his forehead to Apolo’s.

 

“You’re welcome,” he replies. They fall silent, sitting in the comforting heat for a few more minutes, before Apolo pats JR’s bare hip.

 

“Come on, we’re roasting alive in here. Shower and bed,” he prompts. JR nods, pulling himself up out of Apolo’s lap, and stretching out tired muscles. He yawns, knowing he has to be up in a few hours for morning training.

 

“Is my coach going to go easy on me in the morning?” he asks, opening the door, and grabbing up one of the waiting towels. He picks up his boxers, turning to watch Apolo shut off the sauna, and grab his own towel. Apolo grins at him.

 

“Of course not, JR! At the rink there are no excuses!” he teases, leading the way to the shower off their bedroom.

 

“So I’m not even going to get any sympathy for my sore ass, tomorrow?” he asks. Apolo laughs turning on the water.

 

“Maybe a little bit, that _was_ mostly my fault. But not for you being tired, you could have stayed in bed like a good little Olympic hopeful.” JR smacks him in the shoulder, as he climbs into the shower behind him, the lukewarm water feels good on his overheated skin.

 

“Oh yeah, like that was going to happen! My boyfriend’s off nearly killing himself in the gym so he can avoid his problems, and I’m just supposed to ignore it!” he grumps. Apolo laughs, pulling him close under the cool spray.

 

“Ok so it was mostly my fault all around. Maybe I can go a little bit easy on you tomorrow. But I have to push you if you want to succeed.” JR smiles at him.

 

“I know. I know. The countdown to Sochi has already begun,” JR says parroting back Apolo’s mantra. Apolo places a loud smacking kiss on the side of JR’s neck.

 

“Yeah Yeah Yeah! Enough chit-chat. Let’s get back to bed,” he urges.

 

 

 

JR is tired in the morning, but he gets up anyway, dresses and eats breakfast half asleep, and lets Apolo drive him to the rink. By the time they get there he’s mostly awake and ready to go. They’re only a few minutes late, so when they arrive, everyone else is already running laps. He groans, glad he’d worn his gym clothes in that day and starts stretching. A few minutes later and he’s running laps too, carefully avoiding the eyes and panted questions of Jordan, Simon, and Travis. He finally tells them to leave him alone, he’s concentrating damn it. They finish their laps and start their warm down laps, go to change into their skin suits. He finishes his laps, and goes to get dressed too. He feels like he’s five minutes behind in everything until they break for lunch. Apolo’s gone to their favorite deli, and returns with salads and low-fat tuna sandwiches.

 

They find a corner, waiting until the Junior’s take the ice for their practice session to sit down to eat, not wanting to be overheard. They eat in silence for a few minutes before Apolo starts to talk.

 

“I called Michael. I told him I’m willing to get tested, but that even if I’m a match, I’m not agreeing to anything. I wanted to make sure he didn’t get all excited. I’m flying out there on Sunday, I’ll be back on Tuesday.”

 

“You mean we’re flying out on Sunday, and coming back Tuesday,” JR argues. Apolo rolls his eyes.

 

“No, I am flying out there. You are staying here and training like a good little speed skater.”

 

“Apolo, you aren’t going by yourself. If you are a match, I want to be there to make sure you aren’t guilted into agreeing to anything!” he replies. Apolo sighs.

 

“Why do you have to be so damn stubborn?” he asks. JR grins at him.

  
“Why do you have to pretend like you don’t need anyone but yourself?” he asks. Apolo frowns.

 

“Why do you have to ask such difficult questions?”

 

“Because it’s fun to fluster you!” JR replies, taking a big bite of his sandwich. “You get to explain to Jimmy and Jae Su why I’m missing two days of training,” he says talking around the food in his mouth.

 

“Oh that’s just not fair!” Apolo says grumpily. JR grins again, showing tuna in his teeth. He swallows before answering.

 

“It’ll sound better coming from you,” he says shrugging. Apolo nods, conceding that point.

 

 

 

JR’s coaches aren’t happy. But Apolo explains that it is a family issue, not a vacation; that he will be there to monitor JR’s diet, and to make sure he runs, and stretches, and spends some time in the hotel gym. So on Sunday, the two of them board a plane to Tulsa. They take an airport shuttle to their hotel, and settle in, with plans to meet Michael and his wife at the local children’s hospital the next day. They spend Sunday night in the hotel trying to relax. They eat in the restaurant, and then head to the gym, where JR proceeds to blow away every single businessman staying in the hotel, while Apolo watches and tries not to laugh. When they go to sleep that night, Apolo tosses and turns until JR pins him to the bed, and lies-down on top of him. He falls back to sleep, and Apolo not wanting to wake him, lays very still until he manages to fall asleep too.

 

Apolo’s nervous the next morning. But JR’s with him, so he manages to keep calm. They go for a run first thing in the morning, picking up fruit and oatmeal on the way back to the hotel. Then they shower and change and get to the children’s hospital right on time to meet Michael. He is in the hospital lobby waiting for them and looking nervous. When he sees Apolo he looks so relieved that JR’s heart breaks just a little. Michael stands up to greet them, and when Apolo and JR reach him they stand in an awkward silence, unsure whether to hug or shake hands. In the end they do neither, they just nod at each other.

 

“Hello Apolo, JR. Thank you so much for coming.” JR smiles at him. “JR I didn’t know you’d be coming too...” he trails off then. Apolo clears his throat.

 

“JR’s my boyfriend, Michael,” he says crossing his arms over his chest as if waiting for a negative response. Michael’s eyes go a little wide but he doesn’t flinch or look disgusted. His eyes travel from JR to Apolo and back again.

 

“Oh, well… congratulations. You seem to get a long rather well. I’m happy for you.” His voice is slightly stilted, as if surprised, but not put off. Apolo deflates a little.

 

“Thank you,” he says in reply. “It’s not public knowledge, but we are good.” Michael nods.

 

“Judy and Ben are up in Sarah’s room. Would you like to meet them first or get the blood test done first?” he asks. Apolo licks his lips, a nervous habit.

 

“Testing first, I think. Get the results back faster that way,” he says. Michael looks relieved.

 

“The labs are on the fourth floor. There might be a little bit of a lag, Monday mornings are bad up there, but it shouldn’t take too long.” He leads them to the information desk where they are given visitor badges with Sarah’s room number on them, and then takes them to the elevator and up to the 4th floor. Michael goes to the desk and gives over his insurance information. Apolo and JR sit down to wait. A flyer on the side table about kidney donation catches JR’s eye, and he picks it up to start reading. The procedure seems simple enough, with minimal effects on the health of the donor. The pamphlet emphasizes the donor’s choice, and the importance of not being pressured into the decision. But the statistics in the back of the pamphlet are horrifying. He closes it and puts it back down. He looks over to find Apolo reading, of course, Sports Illustrated. He rolls his eyes, sitting back in his chair to wait. It doesn’t take long before Apolo is being called. A couple of the waiting people look up at the strange name, but none seem to place his face, a small blessing. JR goes back with him, knowing how Apolo feels about needles. Michael stays back in the waiting room, looking hopeful but slightly nauseated.

 

The nurse is nice, and blonde, and perky as she asks Apolo to sit down, and roll up his sleeve. The lab tech is soon coming into the room, and sitting on a nearby stool.

 

“What are we having done today?” he asks, scanning the lab form. Apolo clears his throat.

 

“Kidney donation match testing?” he says hesitantly. The man smiles at him.

 

“Really? That’s wonderful to hear! We get so few people willing to even get tested. Is it someone you know well?” he asks, putting on gloves. JR watches Apolo pale slightly at the needles the tech pulls out of the drawer. He reaches down and takes Apolo’s free hand.

 

“My niece. She’s 10,” Apolo says quietly.

 

“Oh a kid. I think those cases are the worst. Let’s hope you’re a match then,” he says smiling. Apolo glances up at JR, looking slightly panicked.

 

“It’s a difficult situation,” JR says quietly. The tech frowns nodding.

 

“I understand.” He turns back to the tray and picks up the tourniquet to wrap around Apolo’s arm. “This will be fast, and it won’t hurt. I’m very good at what I do.” Apolo doesn’t look convinced, but nods. It is fast, and it doesn’t hurt, not really, but Apolo seems relieved when it is over. He stands from the chair, rolling down and re-buttoning the sleeve of his shirt. “What’s the relationship?” the tech asks again, making notes on the bag holding a handful of vials containing Apolo’s blood.

 

“She’s my half-brother’s daughter, but we have the same blood type, Sarah Hendricks, room 212,” Apolo says. The Tech nods.

 

“What about you? Are you getting tested?” he asks. JR looked up in confusion. “It wouldn’t hurt,” the tech says, cleaning up the trash, and stripping off his gloves. JR shrugs, plopping down in the chair. Apolo looks at him like he is crazy, but doesn’t comment. He does however hold JR’s hand while the blood is drawn, even if his eyes are focused entirely on JR’s face, and nothing happening below his neck. JR smiles at him, making goofy faces, and barely feels the sting of the needle in his arm. “Relationship?” the tech asks when he’s done.

 

“Friend of the family,” JR offers. The tech nods, putting down JR’s name, and Sarah’s on the second baggy.

 

“That’s all for now. Make sure you drink some juice and have a little extra protein at lunch. You boys are too skinny as it is, you didn’t have much extra blood to lose,” the tech offers, standing and moving to the door of the room. JR and Apolo share a look and laugh. JR’s goal is to lose five more pounds before Sochi. JR stands up, and almost immediately sits back down again, feeling dizzy. “Whoa!” The tech says, looking concerned. “Looks like you need something now. Sit there. Don’t move!” he orders. He leaves the room, and is a back a few minutes later with two cups of juice and a few cookies. He hands some of each to JR, and gives the rest to Apolo. Apolo eyes the large sugar cookie wearily. The tech laughs. “Eat it. We don’t need anyone passing out and hitting their head. A few calories won’t hurt you!” JR grins, eating half of his cookie in one bite. Apolo glares at him, before hesitantly and slowly eating his cookie. JR finishes his, and the cup of orange juice too. When he stands up and isn’t wobbly or pale, the tech lets them leave. As they walk out, Apolo hands over his untouched OJ.

 

“Here, you need it more than me,” JR smiles at him and takes the paper cup. Michael is pacing anxiously when they come out. He looks up when the door opens, and looks relieved.

 

“What? Were you afraid we ran out the back door?” JR asks. Michael laughs his shoulders lowering with the release of tension. He eyes the orange juice. “I got woozy,” JR explains, pointing at the band-aid on his arm. Michael’s brow furrows.

 

“Thank you both,” he says, leading them out of the waiting room and back to the elevators. “Judy’s anxious to meet you, Apolo.” He makes an embarrassed face. “She’s kind of a fan.” The notion has both Apolo and JR laughing as they step into the elevator.

 

 

 

Things get more somber as they walk through the Sarah’s floor, with its brightly painted walls, and patterned flooring. It’s a glaringly colorful reminder that this is a children’s hospital. Room 212 is down a long hallway, and their steps slow the closer they get. Apolo steels himself before stepping inside. The lights are out in the room, even though it is mid morning. A blonde women sits in a rocking chair near the hospital bed, where a little girl lay sleeping. A small couch in the corner holds a little boy, also asleep. Michael steps inside quietly calling to his wife. She stands up, looking tired, worn out. She smiles hesitantly when she sees JR and Apolo standing behind her husband. Checking on both of the children, she comes around the bed, stepping out into the hallway. Michael puts his arm around her.

 

“She finally fell asleep?” he asks. Judy nods.

 

“Just a little while ago,” she answers. She smiles at JR and Apolo. “Thank you both so much for coming,” she says. Apolo and JR both nod. Michael takes a deep breath.

 

“Judy, this is Apolo Ohno, my half-brother and his boyfriend, JR Celski,” he says. She smiles at him.

 

“I know that dear, but thank you,” she smiles at him then, and for a moment she doesn’t look the least bit tired, but full of life. She turns to JR and Apolo again. “It’s so great to meet you both,” she pauses a moment before continuing, “I’m so grateful you were even willing to get tested, Apolo,” she says. He smiles at her.

 

“I need to know if it’s a possibility before I make my decision,” Apolo says quietly. She nods.

 

“It’s still nice to know you’re even considering it,” she touches her still flat abdomen. “I would if I could,” she says softly. Michael hushes her.

 

“You didn’t know. We didn’t know,” he says quietly. She smiles at him but a small voice calling for their Mommy has them going back inside.

 

Apolo and JR hover near the door. Sarah is awake, and sitting up. She is tiny, pale, and looks exhausted. JR has to look away and compose himself. He reaches out and takes Apolo’s hand. Judy moves to sit on the edge of the bed, and Sarah curls into her side, her small arm going around her mother’s middle, her face pressing into her mother’s chest.

 

“Mommy, my head hurts,” she whispers. Judy shushes her, reaching over to press a button to call a nurse.

 

“I know, Sweetie, just hold on one more minute,” Judy says soothingly. Michael steps around the bed, and runs a hand through the little girl’s blonde hair.

 

“Sarah, it’s ok,” he says softly. She peeks up at him, and smiles.

 

“I know, Daddy,” she whispers. A nurse comes in then, and Apolo and JR step out into the hallway to wait. JR is afraid to look at Apolo.

 

“Don’t make your mind up, yet, Apolo,” he says quietly. Apolo swallows thickly before nodding, his arms crossed over his chest. It is really hard to imagine ever saying no to helping such a helpless little girl like Sarah.

 

 

 

A few minutes later the nurse comes out. She smiles at them compassionately.

 

“She’s better now, but the pain medication will make her sleepy soon. Best to visit while you can, and then come back later,” she explains. Apolo takes a deep breath before entering the room. Sarah is curled on her side, but her face doesn’t look as pained as before, but she’s clearly very sleepy. Judy smiles at them. She has pulled her chair up to the edge of the bed and is holding Sarah’s hand.

 

“Look, Sweetie, you have visitors,” she says softly. Sarah blinks big brown eyes at them, her face turning confused and then excited.

 

“But, Mommy!” she says happily. “That’s Apolo Ohno! He wouldn’t come see me!” she cries. Apolo smiles at her.

 

“Of course I came to see you!” he says stepping closer. JR watches as Apolo’s natural ability to interact with all children rises to the surface. Sarah beams at him.

 

“Really! To see me!?” she asks. Apolo nods.

 

“Of course. Your Daddy told us you weren’t feeling good so we came all the way from Utah to come see you,” he says. She smiles, looking behind Apolo and catching sight of JR. She blushes, turning bright red, and quickly ducks behind her blanket. JR looks confusedly at Judy and Michael, who are both trying hard not to laugh.

 

“Sarah!” Michael gently scolds, wiggling her foot through the blanket. “Come out and say hello to JR.” She shakes her head.

 

“I can’t,” she hisses to her mother. Judy grins.

 

“Why not?” she asks. Sarah curls in on herself.

 

“I look awful. I don’t want JR to look at me!” she whispers. JR looks to Apolo, who is laughing silently, bent over at the waist with mirth. Seeing no help forthcoming from that direction JR steps closer to the bed.

 

“But Sarah, I came all this way just to see you!” he says. “I’ll be awful disappointed if I don’t get a hug and a kiss from you.” He watches Sarah slowly ease the blanket back, her hair a messy tangle.  
  


“You came all the way just to see me? Both of you did?” she asks, looking from one to the other. They both nod, Apolo thankfully having got his laughter under control. “Thank you,” she says shyly. JR grins at her, moving to perch on the end of her bed.

 

“We heard you weren’t feeling good. Does your head feel a little better?” Apolo asks. She nods, twisting her hands in the edge of the blanket.

 

“A little. They have to give me medicine,” she answers. Then her eyes light up. “Did you bring your medals?” she asks. JR laughs.

 

“No, we didn’t have much time to pack. But we’ll bring them next time we come to see you,” he promises. Her entire face fills with happiness, and she looked so pretty for a moment, almost healthy that JR feels his stomach constrict. A moment later the look is gone, as she starts to yawn, her eyes drooping. Apolo walks around the bed, and leans down to give the girl a hug.

 

“Try and get some rest, we’ll come back tonight for another visit, ok?” he asks. She smiles nodding her head. She giggles a little when JR bends down to hug her, her little arms going around his neck tightly.

 

“Feel better,” he says softly. She nods. He turns his cheek toward her. “Where’s my kiss?” he asks. She pecks him on the cheek and he grins at her. “We’ll see you later,” he promises. She nods, yawning again, and curling back up on her side. JR pulls the covers back over her.

 

They watch as she quickly falls back to sleep. With Sarah sleeping again and Ben still dosing on the small couch, Judy takes them down the hall to a small break room. They pour cups of bad coffee, and sit down to talk a little more, while Michael stays with the kids. It is a little while later that they leave, letting Judy go back to her daughter’s room. The two of them venture out into Tulsa to pick up lunch.

 

The rest of the day seems to pass slowly. After lunch, Apolo and JR go back to the hospital, to find that Sarah had been taken away for testing. Michael tells them that she would be back in a little while, and that they’d heard from the lab that the results wouldn’t be back in until the next day. They spend the next several hours getting to know Judy and Ben, and upon Sarah’s return getting to know her as well. Questions are answered and photos are taken, and all in all the afternoon leaves both JR and Apolo feeling tired but happy. Saying goodbye just before dinnertime, to let the family have some time alone, they head back to the hotel, where Apolo drags JR to the gym again. Two hours and a lot of hard work later they shower and order room service for dinner.

 

Neither sleep well that night.

 

 

 

JR and Apolo arrive at the hospital a little later than planned, their lack of sleep making them a little slower than usual. They get to Sarah’s room to find Michael pacing, and Judy braiding Sarah’s long blonde hair. She smiles at them in greeting and offers them seats. They hug Sarah hello and sit, looking at Judy and Michael expectantly.

 

“Calm down,” she says. “Dr. Richards isn’t here yet,” she informs them. Sarah smiles at them, overjoyed that they’ve come back to visit her again. Even Ben is excited to see them and comes over to sit in Apolo’s lap for the first part of the morning. It’s another hour before Dr. Richards shows up.

 

When Dr. Richards comes to give them the test results he brings a nurse with him. They leave her sitting beside Sarah’s bed and watching Ben color, so that the adults can all attend the meeting. He leads them to one of the family waiting rooms, full of chairs and tables holding stacks of old magazines. There’s a private bathroom to the left, and a big TV bolted high on the wall.

 

He closes the door behind them, gesturing for them all to sit down. They’re all nervous. They’re all scared for various reasons. JR eyes focus on Apolo. He watches him sit on the edge of his chair, back straight and tall. It’s so un-Apolo-like, and it makes JR think Julianne would be proud of Apolo’s posture, if not the look of intense focus on his face. JR sits down next to him, taking calming deep breaths, and nudges his chair a few inches closer to Apolo’s until the arms clunk quietly together. He sees Apolo’s lip twitch in amusement for just a moment, before his game face is back. JR rests his hands in his lap, trying to blend into the background. He’s here for Apolo, and as much as Apolo would disagree, JR knows that his opinion isn’t the important one in this situation. He’s 90% sure he knows what Apolo’s answer is going to be if he comes back a match. No one in their right mind would think anything else, especially after seeing Apolo curled up in the small hospital bed with Sarah, talking about short track, ballroom dancing, and rainbows all with equal relish. Though the notion of Apolo going through with this makes his stomach churn, JR is determined to be supportive, and to get Apolo through it. But that’s all dependent on Apolo being a match, so JR puts it all aside until they hear the test results and it becomes official.

 

He glances at Michael and Judy, who are looking both anxious and excited; hopeful and scared. They are holding hands he notes. Dr. Richards sits down between the two pairs, shuffling papers in his lap, organizing them neatly. He waits so long to start to talk that JR almost yells at him to hurry up already. Finally he looks up at them, all kind eyes and graying hair and starts to speak.

 

“As you know, the results of yesterday’s blood test have come back.” He smiles at them then. “I have good news, and I have better news.” JR feels his breath catch in his throat, watches Judy’s eyes fill up with tears, her knuckles white where her hand grips Michael’s. The doctor turns to Apolo.

 

“Mr. Ohno, you are a 2 point match to Sarah,” JR hears Apolo take a long slow breath, nodding his head, as if having been prepared for that. JR follows suit and takes a slow breath in and then out. He reaches out to let his fingers tangle in Apolo’s shirt sleeve. Apolo’s hand instantly reaches over and grips his. JR’s eyes close and he thinks in that moment that he knows exactly what the words “internal conflict” really mean. He’s half relieved that Sarah will be getting help, half worried as hell about his boyfriend. He opens his eyes a moment later. Judy and Michael are hugging tightly, the doctor looking back down at his papers. “Now for the better news,” he says getting all their attention again. JR studies Apolo’s profile, watches Apolo blink his eyes, trying to clear away the shock, and refocus on the doctor’s words. “Mr. Celski?” Dr. Richards says, catching JR’s attention. “You are a 5 point match to Sarah.”

 

For a moment JR doesn’t understand the words. What? 5 point match? Huh? He blinks slowly, hears Judy and Michael whispering furiously to each other, feels Apolo’s hand tighten on his. The world slows to a crawl, as his brain tries to process those words, and their meaning. 5 point match? He thinks back to the brochure he’d read the day before, the late night Googling he had done while Apolo slept. 6 points to match for optimum transplant compatibility. 6 is best, 0 is worst. 6 is extremely rare, it’s the equivalent of being an identical twin. Getting a 5 point match is most likely among siblings, and is extremely rare for a stranger match. 5. He repeats it in his mind. Apolo is a 2. Not great, but not horrible. They’ll do a transplant of a 0 if they have too, but the lower the number the riskier the transplant, the greater risk of rejection, the harder on the sick person, the more anti-rejection drugs they have to take, the more side effects. He rolls it around in his head. Apolo’s a 2. He’s a 5. He’s a 5.

 

He blinks again. He’s up out of the chair, and hurling himself across the room in a matter of seconds. He barely makes it to the toilet before he’s vomiting up his earlier breakfast. There’s a scuffle behind him, angry words he can’t process, and the door slamming shut behind him, the lock engaging. Then Apolo’s there, kneeling on the floor behind him, his arms around JR’s heaving body. JR let out a broken sound, and is utterly humiliated to realize that there are tears sliding down his face. He can hear Apolo’s voice, soothing, trying to calm him, but his hearing is muffled and he can’t make out the individual words. He lets out a sob, and Apolo pulls him back away from the toilet, his arms tight around JR’s waist. He turns in Apolo’s lap, winding his arms around him, holding tight.

 

“I can’t do this! I can’t do this!” he hisses over and over into Apolo’s shoulder. Apolo shushes him.

 

“It’s ok. You don’t have to! I swear that you don’t have to!” Apolo promises. JR shakes his head.

 

“I have to,” he whispers, pulling back to look at Apolo. “I have to,” he repeats.

 

“That decision can’t be made right this minute, JR!” Apolo replies. “Not now, in the heat of the moment. Not when you’re this shocked, and this scared. You just threw up, for God’s sake!”

 

“It’s Sarah!” JR replies as if that is the only thing that matters.

 

“I know. I understand. Believe me, if anyone knows and understands on this entire planet, it’s me. But you can’t agree to this right now. You need to think about this. Consider it through, all the ramifications. You’re not the only option! I’m the one that asked, and my kidney will work. I’d already decided,” Apolo’s voice is calming. JR shuts his eyes, turning his face away from Apolo’s, clinging to him like a child, deciding not to be embarrassed right then at his tears or his vomit breath or his tight grip he has on Apolo’s shoulders.

 

They sit on floor of the bathroom for a long time, while JR slowly gets himself under control. Soon he pulls away from Apolo, standing up to rinse out his mouth, and to wash his face. He avoids looking at himself in the mirror. Apolo stands up behind him, flushing the toilet.

  
“Our plane tickets are for tonight. Let’s just go home to Salt Lake. Give you some time to think this through, wrap your mind around it. Neither of us were prepared for this,” Apolo offers. JR shakes his head.

 

“I don’t want to go back to SLC,” he says quietly.

 

“JR?” Apolo asks, confused. JR turns to look at him, folding his arms across his chest.

 

“I want to go home. I need to talk to my parents about this. If I’m going to consider this I need to talk to them. They’ve given up so much for me to train. If I’m going to throw that away…” he trails off.

 

“Hey, stop it. You have over seven months until Sochi. Don’t go dooming yourself now!” Apolo answers. JR nods reluctantly. It doesn’t seem like this situation could possibly turn out positively, not for JR’s skating career, not when Sochi is so close already! “Besides,” Apolo continues, “there are other options. I’m the one they asked, and I’m the one who should do it.” JR sighs.

 

“I don’t want to fight about it. I don’t even want to discuss it. I just want to go back to the hotel and then go home. I need to process or… something.”

 

“Then that’s what we’ll do,” Apolo promises. JR nods feeling suddenly exhausted. “Do me a favor, stay here for a minute. I’m going to talk to Michael and Judy. Tell them that we’re going.” JR nods again, looking relieved that he doesn’t have to face either of them when he is so mixed up right now.

 

Apolo opens the door and steps out closing it behind himself. Judy is curled up in a chair, watching the bathroom door anxiously. She sits up straighter as Apolo steps out. The doctor is gone, probably back to work, and Michael is pacing again, talking into his cell phone. He hangs up quickly when he sees Apolo step out.

 

“Apolo?” Judy asks. “Is JR okay?” she sounds genuinely worried. “He must be so overwhelmed right now!” she stands up, stepping up beside her husband. Michael takes her hand in his.

 

“He’s okay, a little confused. He was completely unprepared for this.” Michael nods.

 

“He’s not going to do it is he?” Michael asks, his face pale. Apolo sighs.

 

“He has to think about it,” Apolo says. “This is huge. He has to consider everything through.”

 

“Apolo, this is my daughter’s life!” Michael pleads. Apolo wants to jump to JR’s defense, but keeps his temper.

 

“He knows that. I know that. But he’s only 22 years old, Michael. His entire life up ‘til this point has been about conditioning his body into something that works precisely _how_ he wants it to _when_ he needs it to. Like a machine. What you’re asking him to do is like throwing a wrench into the mechanics at the very worst time imaginable.” Judy reaches up to grip Michael’s shoulder as he deflates, nodding in understanding.

 

“What does he need, Apolo?” Judy asks. “Time? Space? More information? To talk to Dr. Richards more privately? Whatever it is, we’ll do it!” she promises. Apolo runs a hand back through his hair.

 

“All of the above. We’re flying out tonight as we had planned. He wants to go out to Seattle, see his parents, then probably back to Salt Lake. We need to talk to the other coaches and trainers.”

 

“Will this ruin Sochi for him?” Judy asks. Apolo shrugs.

 

“Maybe. I don’t know enough. He’s come back from stuff before but Sochi is getting closer and closer. This is going to be a hard choice for him to make.” Judy puts a hand to her mouth, turning her face into Michael’s shoulder. Michael pulls her into his arms, his face going pale again.

 

“Don’t..” Apolo starts to talk but stops. He hears the door open behind him. “There’s always me,” he says quietly. “Either way you’ll have a donor.” JR steps up beside him.

 

“But I’d be the better choice, and we all know it,” JR replies. He looks at Michael and Judy briefly before looking away. “I just need a few days, ok?” he asks. Michael nods and Judy pulls away from him coming over to hug first Apolo and then JR.

 

“Thank you both for coming.” She smiles at JR. “We can wait a few days. No pressure!” JR nods and turns to leave the room, but he is stopped by Michael, who extends a hand. JR shakes it quickly.

 

“Thank you,” Michael says quietly, sincerely. JR nods once, unable to meet his eyes. Apolo follows him to the door, stopping only to accept a quick hug from Judy.

 

 

 

Neither JR nor Apolo says a word until they get back to the hotel room. It is mid-pack job that JR stops folding T-shirts to turn and sit down on the hotel bed. He watches Apolo continue to pack another minute before speaking.

 

“You’re not trying to talk me out of it?” he says softly. Apolo, who is trying to stuff his numerous shoes back into the zippered compartment to his suitcase, stands up straight, turning to look at JR. His hands, he shoves deep into his pockets.

 

“You said you didn’t want to talk, that you wanted to ‘process’,” he reminds. JR just stares at him in response. Apolo bites back a sigh. “We both know what you’re going to do; what choice you’re going to make. Just like we both knew what I was going to do when I first found out it was for Sarah. I’m not happy about this JR. I’d rather it was me. But how can I be selfish and try and talk you out of it when it’s what I would’ve done?” Apolo asks. JR leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees, staring down at the carpet. “I’m sure your parents and the other coaches will try plenty hard to talk you out of it. But I actually understand the choice you’re being asked to make,” Apolo explains.

 

“I’ve worked so hard,” JR whispers to his bare feet, “to stay in shape while at school. I’ve given up so much for this, for the Olympics, for gold.” He shakes his head, and picks it up to look at Apolo. “I’m not going to get to go am I?” he asks, his face crumpling. Apolo licks his dry lips.

 

“We don’t know that for sure. The games aren’t for 7 months. We need to know more before we give up on Sochi! You have to think positively. But I promise you this: If there’s a chance you can go, I _will_ get you there. I’ll be there every step of the way. I’m not going anywhere.” JR looks at him, sees the confidence and certainty in Apolo’s eyes, and smiles back hesitantly.

 

 

 

Telling JR’s parents goes better than either had anticipated. While shocked by the entire situation they had been supportive and seemed to immediately understand that the decision had already been mostly made. At one point during the discussion, Sue had reached around her left side and pressed low on her back. That is when Apolo remembers. Sue Celski had gotten very sick a few years before, and had to have her kidney and spleen removed. She’d been almost perfectly healthy since then, running around with only the one remaining kidney. Apolo thinks that must make it seem even more possible for JR to do the same. Later that night as he lay in JR’s old bedroom, all of his medals pinned around the room’s red walls, he asks JR if he agrees with his hypothesis. JR rolls closer, throwing his arm across Apolo’s bare chest and shrugs one shoulder. 

 

“My Mom pretty much thinks all three of us are super human; that we can do anything. After the accident at Olympic trials I was sure Vancouver wasn’t going to happen. She always believed it would. She always believed I would make it. No matter what,” JR explains.

 

“Is that what it’s like to have a Mom?” Apolo asks quietly.

 

“I guess that’s what it’s like to have _my_ mom. She was always great at letting me try stuff, to make mistakes. But she’s always been there to pick me back up when I fell, kiss whatever I’d bruised or skinned or broken and then tell me exactly what I’d done wrong so I wouldn’t make the same mistake again.” JR pauses, looking up at Apolo’s captivated face. “But that’s a pretty accurate description of Yuki, isn’t it?” he asks. Apolo’s smile is instant and blinding.

 

“Yeah, I guess. Only my Dad was pretty vocal when he thought I was making a mistake, and pretty insistent on getting his opinion across to me.” JR laughs.

 

“You know your dad’s pretty great,” JR says. Apolo nods against the pillow his head rests on.

 

“Yeah, he is. If it’s okay with you, I’d like to go see him tomorrow before our flight leaves. I think I need to get him caught up on what’s going on,” Apolo says hesitantly.

 

“Of course! You think he’d cut my hair for me?” JR asks. Apolo grins.

 

“Definitely, might even give you the family discount!”

 

 

 

Yuki greets them with his usual happiness and a good deal of surprise, but it quickly turns to confusion and a bit of suspicion. It isn’t often that Apolo manages to surprise his father, what with their close relationship and Yuki’s general involvement in Apolo’s everyday life. Even living half a country away from his son, Yuki is well versed in the happenings of Apolo’s life. So his surprise does quickly turn suspicious. Something has brought them both unexpectedly to Seattle in the middle of a training week with no advance notice.

 

But Yuki is a good man and he knows that despite Apolo’s rebellious youth he has matured into a good man too. So he swallows down the negative feelings and embraces first his son, and then JR, who as far as Yuki is concerned, is like an unofficial second son. He shows them around the newly renovated salon, introducing them to customers, old and new, and then orders JR up into his chair. JR blinks at him in surprise.

 

“What?” he asks. Yuki smiles.

 

“You think I’m letting you walk out of my salon with hair like that?” Yuki asks, shaking his head ‘no.’ He pats the seat of his chair again, while Apolo starts to laugh. JR rolls his eyes, and climbs up into the chair.

 

30 minutes later JR has been shampooed, conditioned, cut, styled, blow-dried, and styled again. When Yuki is finally done he turns to let JR see his reflection. Gone is the messy hair he’d favored since high school. In its place is a neat and tidy grown-up hairstyle with just a little character in the front.

 

“Huh,” JR says studying his reflection.

 

“You like?” Yuki asks. JR smiles.

 

“Yes. But it makes me look older,” JR explains. Yuki grins leaning closer to speak quietly.

 

“You are 22 years old, JR and you are dating man who is 30!” he says teasingly. Apolo tries to look offended, but he has no defense against the truth. JR laughs.

 

“True enough!” he replies, hopping out of the chair and thanking Yuki again.

 

“Good. That will be 50 dollar,” Yuki says, wiping down the chair, and going to straighten his station. JR turns shocked eyes to Apolo. Apolo smiles.

 

“Umm, Poppa? Friends & family special?” he asks. Yuki nods and smiles.

 

“Ah, yes of course. 75 dollar,” he holds out a hand, his face completely serious. JR reaches for his wallet and Yuki and Apolo both burst out laughing. “I’m joking, JR!” Yuki says, clapping him on the shoulder. “Free haircut… Let’s go upstairs,” he says steering JR to the stairwell at the back of the salon. Apolo heads up the familiar stairs first, perfectly at ease in the salon. Opening the door at the top of the stairwell, he steps into his father’s office. The walls are liberally decorated with a plethora of photos and framed news clippings that Yuki has hung there over the years.

 

JR watches Apolo flop down on the sofa, and sigh in comfort. Shaking his head, he follows Apolo’s lead, and sits down beside him on the huge pea green leather monstrosity. He sinks backward into the cushions, and falls over to lean against Apolo’s side, nearly groaning in pleasure.

 

“This is the most comfortable couch in the world,” he moans. Yuki laughs, stepping into the room and closing the door behind himself.

 

“I’m glad you think so. It is ugly, but Apolo will not let me throw it away. I keep it for him, and for the occasional midday nap,” he grins as he says it and sits down in a nearby armchair. JR struggles to sit up, Apolo’s limp form leaning against him of no help whatsoever in his efforts. Apolo laughs at him, and hauls them both into more upright positions against the back of the couch. Once vertical again, JR let his eyes wander from wall to wall and from one framed picture to the next.

 

“Wow, Yuki this is amazing,” he says taking in the several decades worth of clippings and magazine covers. He spots one wall that seems to be devoted to the Vancouver Olympics, and blushes at the sight of his face with and without Apolo’s beside it, in several of the frames. Yuki’s grin widens.

 

“I only have one boy… so far,” he says, looking significantly at JR, “so I take extra pride in his hard work, dedication, and success.” He smiles at Apolo then. It is the same proud look Yuki gets whenever anyone mentions Apolo’s name along with the words “Olympic Champion,” “8 medals,” or “role model.” JR smiles back at him, watching Apolo roll his eyes, his own pleasure at the words shining through the fake annoyance. “Now,” Yuki says, looking at both of them intently, “when are you going to tell me what you are doing in Seattle, unannounced, when JR should be in Utah training?” he asks. Apolo sighs, looking down. JR clears his throat.

 

“We actually came to see my parents. It was a last minute decision. Apolo wanted to come see you before we fly back to Salt Lake later this evening,” JR explains. Apolo nods.

 

“Dad, some things have been happening. I’m sure you’re not going to be happy about them, and I didn’t want you to get upset so I wanted to tell you in person, at the first opportunity I had,” Apolo pauses then, sitting forward on the couch to brace his elbows on his knees. JR reaches out to rest his hand on Apolo’s lower back. Apolo sits up a little straighter. “Michael called me,” he says simply. Yuki blinks a moment, looking confused. “Michael, as in my half-brother, Michael,” Apolo clarifies. Yuki seems to pale a little, a look of pain and anger sweeping across his face before being hidden behind a blank look.

 

“How is he?” Yuki asks.

 

“In general he’s doing good. He owns a marketing company in Tulsa. He’s married to a lovely woman named Judy. They have two kids, and a third on the way. Ben is 4, and Sarah is about to turn 11,” Apolo explains hesitantly.

 

“I’m…” Yuki pauses, looking a bit heartsick. “I’m glad he is doing so well. I never wished him ill-will, Apolo. He was just a child when your mother left us, taking him with her,” Yuki explains. Apolo smiles a sort of sad smile.

 

“I know, Dad. I don’t wish him bad either. I’m not entirely happy about how he’s dealt with the last 30 years, but I don’t want to see him in pain or in any type of trouble either.”

 

“Why did he call?” Yuki asks, folding his arms across his chest. “Why now? Has something happened with..” he trailed off again. Apolo sighs, running a hand up his face and through his hair.

 

“No, _she’s_ still alive and kicking. It didn’t have anything to do with her at all, actually,” Apolo says. Yuki seems to deflate a little in relief, his arms dropping to his sides again.

 

“You haven’t talked to her?” Yuki asks. Apolo shakes his head.

 

“No, I haven’t. And I don’t plan too. Michael knows how I feel about her. I think he’s trying to understand.”

 

“Then tell me why he called, Apolo,” Yuki says, catching Apolo’s eyes with his own. Apolo’s forehead wrinkles.

 

“His daughter, Sarah, she’s sick. She has this condition that’s killing her kidneys, and she needs a transplant to survive. He came out to Salt Lake to explain the situation. He wanted me to get tested to see if I was a viable option,” Apolo explains. Yuki sits forward, his body language so like Apolo’s that JR has a moment of déjà vu.

 

“And are you?” he asks voice steady. Apolo takes a breath, the air catching in his throat as he nods.

 

“Yes. But I’m not the only option,” here he turns to look at JR. JR turns his focus back to Yuki.

 

“I got tested on a whim. Turns out I’m a much better match than Apolo is. The odds of a stranger being a better match than a relative, even one as genetically distant as Apolo, is very rare,” JR explains. “I’m a 5 on a scale of 6. Like a genetic sibling. Apolo’s only a 2. If they go with his kidney, it means a higher likelihood of rejection, more medication, and more side effects. If they go with mine, it’s a better, safer match, and it will be more likely to work out.” JR explains.

 

“You’re donating?” Yuki asks. JR nods. He sees in his peripheral vision as Apolo looks down and away.

 

“None of them will listen to me. I’m willing to do it. She’s a wonderful little girl, Dad. And no matter what her grandmother or father did or didn’t do for me, _she’s_ innocent. We spent a lot of time with her the past few days, and she’s just great. My skating career is already over so it makes more sense for it to be me. But JR’s right. It would be better for Sarah if the match was as close as possible, which means JR.” Yuki nods.

 

“You told your parents?” he asks. JR nods.

 

“Yesterday, and we’re telling the rest of the coaches tomorrow morning. We wanted you to know what was happening.” Yuki frowns.

 

“You are certain you are going through with this, JR?” Yuki asks. JR sighs.

 

“There are a lot of things still up in the air. We don’t even know if I _can_ go through with the surgery. A genetic match isn’t the only thing considered. There’s a whole bunch of testing to be done first. They have to look at my kidneys, assess my general health, give me a psychiatric evaluation, and I still have to make the final decision. But as of right now, I plan to say yes.” Yuki stands from his chair and comes over to the couch. He sits beside JR, and puts his arm around him. JR slumps a little into Yuki’s side.

 

“I am proud of you. This is a hard choice. But you are making the right one, I think.” JR turns to look at Yuki, and seeing the sincerity in his eyes, nods. Yuki smiles at him, squeezing him closer. “You are a good son. You will keep me informed?” Yuki asks. Apolo laughs.

 

 “Of course we will, Dad!” he says. Yuki lets go of JR’s shoulder to grip Apolo’s.

 

“I am glad Michael is a good man. I am glad you have found him again. He was always a good boy. I never wanted to keep you apart,” Yuki says. Apolo smiles at him, reaching up to grip his father’s hand.

 

“I’m glad he called me. I just wish it was for a different reason. Michael and I still have some issues to work out. But now is not exactly the best time to go about doing that. It can wait.”

 

 

 

The next morning they fly back to SLC. It is Friday, and JR and Apolo are two days later than they should have been due to their little detour to Seattle. Jimmy and Jae Su are not amused, especially when they show up at noon while everyone else is at lunch. The showdown is messy. They demand to know what is going on. Apolo hedges around the issue. JR sits quiet, still sort of in shock, and unsure of what to say. Finally he just blurts it out.

 

“I’ve been matched to a little girl who needs a kidney transplant. As of right now I’m the best option to save her life. While nothing is for sure yet, it looks like I will be having surgery in the near future to donate one of my kidneys. I have a lot of testing to go through, and a lot of things to sort out, but I wanted you guys to know what is going on.” There is dead silence in the conference room when he stops talking. “I need some time off. I have to figure out what is going on, and figure out if my kidney will even work for her. If it does, it’s going to mean time off from skating, time away from the team. I’ll need to recover, and get back up to speed before coming back to training full time.” He watches the shock settle on both Jae Su and Jimmy’s faces. “I know this isn’t ideal, and that it’s putting a lot of stuff in jeopardy, but I just need a little time. This could all fall through based on my testing this coming weekend. I just need you to give me some time to figure this out.” Jimmy nods. Jae Su sits silent, frowning in his chair, so Jimmy is the one to speak.

 

“Do what you have to do, JR. Decisions need to be made and soon if Sochi is going to be in your future.” JR nods.

 

“I know. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to skate, or how long I’ll be out because of this, but I do know one thing: The sooner the better. That’s why I’m trying not to drag this process out any longer than necessary. I’ll let you all know as soon as I know either way,” he says standing up. Jimmy shakes JR’s hand, patting him on the back. JR and Apolo leave the room and the oval.

 

 

 

Later that night JR and Apolo go to Jordan’s house, where he, Simon, and Travis are waiting for their arrival. They are eager to find out just what is going on and are completely shocked to find out that JR has turned out to be a better match than Apolo for the kidney donation. It takes further explaining before JR convinces them that he really is doing the right thing. They spend 20 minutes debating the issue until Apolo tells them to knock it off. That it’s JR’s decision and he has made it. Once that debate is over and done with the discussion moves on to his plan to keep fit, and his chances for Sochi. By the end of the night, the guys are supportive and understanding and willing to back him up no matter what. JR senses that an insane amount of Googling would be going on in the near future. JR and Apolo go back to their shared house, and go to bed. Though honestly neither sleep all that well… again.

 

 

 

Early the next day JR has an appointment at the Kidney Transplant Program at University Hospital in Salt Lake City. It is the best hospital in the state for transplant patients, and doctors there had agreed to take care of JR’s preliminary testing. Some things like his psych evaluation would have to be done in Tulsa, but other more general tests could be done and the results sent to Sarah’s doctors quite easily.

 

The day is long, and the testing takes forever. He’s subjected to one test after another. An ultrasound and then a CAT Scan of his Kidney’s to make sure neither is deformed, that the blood vessels are good and the kidneys of normal size, shape, and density. They have to examine them both closely. If there is any sign that JR has an unhealthy kidney, he would be unable to donate. Both kidneys, however, are healthy, of proper size and shape, and have good blood flow.

 

Next comes an X-ray of his chest to check his lungs out, and an EKG for his heart. Both need to be healthy in order for him to be okayed for surgery of any type and for anesthesia to give him the go ahead. He also has to pee in a cup and let them take more blood. This time they take enough blood to leave him dizzy for a long time. Worrying that they’ve drained him dry, he spends 20 minutes lying on a cot, drinking orange juice and eating cookies, while Apolo shakes his head, and pretends not to be scared out of his mind.

 

 

 

On Sunday, JR and Apolo fly back to Tulsa, staying in the same hotel they had last time. JR spends Sunday evening working out in the hotel gym, and then swimming laps in the pool, while Apolo watches and pretends not to worry.

 

Monday means a trip back to the hospital where Sarah is still admitted, and a meeting with Judy, Michael, and Dr. Richards on the agenda. They spend the morning entertaining Sarah. She is thrilled to see them again and to hold the medals they had remembered to bring with them this time. Ben is equally excited to see them again, and makes JR color with him on the small rolling bedside table that Sarah offers for them to use.

 

When Dr. Richards is ready for them, he takes them to a conference room two floors up from Sarah’s room. JR starts to sweat as he sits down, and Apolo reaches for his hand, uncaring of the doctors and nurse in attendance. Dr. Richards introduces them to Dr. Jeffers who is a small petite woman who reminds JR forcibly of his mother, despite her pale skin and blonde hair. She would, he learns, be assisting Dr. Richards in the transplant operation and had wanted to meet JR as soon as she had seen his test results.

 

“Well, Mr. Celski, I truly wish I got to see such spectacular test results much more often. Your blood sugar, cholesterol (both good and bad), and white count are all absolutely perfect. Your lungs are big and healthy, and your heart beat is strong and steady. Your kidneys have the normal amount of blood moving through them and are positioned just right. You’re the picture of health!” she says smiling at him. JR smiles a little shrugging his shoulders.

 

“Dr. Jeffers, JR is a professional athlete. It makes sense that he would be very healthy and quite fit,” Judy explains. Dr. Jeffers smiles.

 

“Yes, I read that in his chart too,” she turns back to JR. “You’re very healthy JR, and I have no doubt that you are a perfect candidate to donate to Sarah. Nothing in your test results would preclude you from doing so. If you decide to go through with the donation we can have things set to go as early as Monday next. All that is left is your psychiatric evaluation.” JR nods in understanding.

 

“Yes, JR. Things have been going very smoothly. So I have to ask you this and I need your honest answer. Are you willing to go through with this kidney donation? Is this what you want to do?” Dr. Richards asks. JR feels Apolo squeeze his hand and thinks carefully before he answers.

 

“Yes. Just tell me when and where,” he answers. He doesn’t look at Judy and Michael when they start to cry.

 

 

 

On Tuesday afternoon, just after lunch JR heads back to the hospital, this time alone, insisting to Apolo that he wants to make this trip by himself. His appointment with the transplant team’s psychiatrist is the first one after the midday break, so there is little wait for him in the reception area. He is shown back to a small room full of books and arty paintings on the walls. Two overstuffed arm chairs and a loveseat are all the furniture the room possesses beside a crowded and slightly messy desk in the far corner.

 

The doctor, a pretty dark haired woman named Danielle Sullivan, is waiting for him there. She stands up and greets him with a handshake and offers him a seat. JR chooses to sit in the second armchair, uncomfortable with the idea of lying down or even sitting on a couch in a psychiatrist’s office. That is much too cliché for him to handle.

 

“How are you feeling, JR?” she asks him sitting down beside him. She does not have a notepad in her hands, though there is one beside her on the table nearby, next to a box of Kleenex. JR takes a deep breath.

 

“Honestly? Feeling a bit nervous,” he says, his hands fidgeting in his lap.

  
“You don’t have to feel nervous. I’m just here to assess your mental preparedness for what you’re volunteering to do. We want to make sure you haven’t been threatened or pressured into going through with the donation. We want to make sure you fully understand what you are volunteering to do and have prepared yourself completely for what will be happening if you go through with this,” she explains.

 

“I know. I’m not used to really talking about this sort of stuff. I mean we have a sports psychologist, but that’s more for getting our heads right for competition, and goal setting, and stuff like that. Not really for talking about more personal issues,” JR says.

 

“Yes, the jobs are quite different. So is the training. You are an athlete I assume?” she asks. JR highly doubts that this is news to her. All of the doctors so far have known. An Olympic athlete willing to do this in the year before the Olympic Games? That doesn’t happen very often. JR supposes she just wants to get him talking. So he decides to play along.

 

“I’m a short track speed skater. I train in Salt Lake City, Utah,” he explains.

 

“Tell me about short track,” she prompts sitting back in her seat. JR explains about the sport. How dangerous it is. How exciting. How much he loves it. His pride at being an Olympic medalist and how tough it is to train for this particular sport. She nods, asking questions, seeming genuinely interested in his answers. Then she asks him about Sochi.

 

“You were in the 2010 games? Will you be competing next year at the Winter Olympics in Russia?” she asks. JR’s face falls a little.

 

“I don’t know. If I go through with this,” he pauses. “The games are only about 7 months and a few days away. If I do this, I might not be ready in time. I might not make the team. That means either retiring or waiting another four years for the Olympics to roll around again.” She nods.

 

“How does that make you feel?” she asks.

 

“Worried. Scared. I’ve been training so hard, working so hard to be ready mentally and physically and emotionally for the games. The last year before trials is the hardest part. It’s the build-up. If you don’t do it right, you’re doomed from the start. But I like Sarah. She’s sick and I can help her. Sometimes it just feels foolish to go through with this when there are other options.”

 

“Other options?” Dr. Sullivan asks. JR nods.

 

“Apolo could do it instead. He is a match too. He is the one who was asked to get tested. I just did it on a whim. He was all prepared to say yes. He doesn’t want me to do it, not really. He’d rather it was him. But I feel that way too. I love him. I’d rather go through the pain of the surgery than watch him do it.”

 

“How do you think Apolo feels about you going through with it?” she asks.

 

“I think he feels like I do. That he’d rather it was him. He knows what I’m going through getting ready for the games. He was a short track speed skater too. The best there’s ever been. He has more winter Olympic medals than any other US athlete ever. He’s been through this. He’s pushed himself and sacrificed to go. He knows how much I want it. But he likes Sarah too. She’s his niece. She’s just a sweet innocent little girl. If I can help her I have to do it.”

 

“But is that why you are doing it?” she asks. JR frowns at her. “Are you doing this because you want to make her better, or are you doing it so that Apolo won’t? To protect your boyfriend from what you know would be coming?” she finishes. JR sits back in his chair, his eyes going down to his hands sitting on his knees. He breathes deeply.

 

“That might be part of it, deep down. I don’t want him to hurt, to go under the knife, and risk his life and health this way. Apolo hates needles. I can’t imagine what he would do if he had to go through a surgery like this… But no, I don’t think that is the main reason,” he licks his lips and looks up at Dr. Sullivan. “I love him. I’d do anything for him. If he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, I couldn’t imagine saying no. But when I heard I was a match, that I was a better match for Sarah, than even he was… that wasn’t the first thing that ran through my mind. I thought: I’m a better match. She has a better chance with my kidney. She’ll need less meds, and have less chance of a rejection. I can save her life.” He looks into her eyes. “I want to help save her life. She’s just a little girl!” he says earnestly. “She has so much living to do. I’ve gone to the Olympics. I’ve skated in an Olympic final and stood on that podium. I’ve represented my country with pride and brought home not one but two Olympic medals to my family. I want to go and do it all again. But only if I know I did everything I could so that Sarah will be healthy and happy. To know that Sarah is there to watch me race, not lying in a hospital bed, crying in pain, and hooked up to a bunch of machines.”

 

JR passes his psych evaluation.

 

 

 

Telling Sarah is harder than JR thought it would be. She knows she needs a kidney, but she doesn’t know that Apolo is her Uncle. They start with that and work their way around to the fact that JR will be donating. She cries. JR climbs up into the bed with her and she curls up against him, half in relief that he wants to help her, and half scared that he would get sick and hurt too. JR is not ashamed of the tears he sheds then, or later that night, lying in a hotel bed with Apolo. The surgery is scheduled for the following Monday.

 

JR and Apolo fly back to SLC. They have to pack for a longer stay in Tulsa, and the eventual trip home to Federal Way. JR’s parents insist he come home to them for his recovery, at least for the immediate aftermath of the surgery. Apolo of course would be coming with him. All they have left to do is inform JR’s coaches and the rest of the team.

 

 

 

“You can’t be serious,” Apolo protests. JR sits in shock, unable to look at any of the coaches spread out around the conference room. “You can’t do this!” Apolo says standing from his seat in outrage. Jae Su shakes his head.

 

“We’re not being left with much choice, Apolo. You as a coach should understand that there are a hundred young men waiting for the chance at a place on this team, for the opportunity to train at these facilities. Young men in need of the stipend provided to pay for JR’s living expenses and training. If JR insists on going through with this, we have to remove him from the team and cut him from the program. We will not let a space on this team sit empty for who knows how many months leading into the Olympic year, especially with no guarantee that he will be fit to resume training before Olympic Trials. We have one purpose here: to support and train the best of the best and to put together a team that is the highest possible chance of winning gold at the world cups and at the games in Sochi. Can you guarantee that JR will be able to compete in time for Trials, in 3 months? Can you guarantee he will be safe to compete at all in 2014? No, you can’t. There’s too much that’s unpredictable here. When JR is capable of resuming his training and is able to prove he is fit to compete on a National and International level we will reevaluate the situation.” Jae Su explains. Apolo visibly seethes where he stands.

 

“I can’t believe you’re doing this,” Apolo says shaking his head in disbelief. “He’s the best guy on the team. He’s the best you’ve got period! You know that and so do I! Even the rest of the team knows that! He’s your number one chance for gold in Sochi. He’s the heart of this team. I can’t believe you’re going to throw him out, like he’s nothing. He’s going to lose his standing. His funding. Everything.” Apolo says scowling. Jae Su makes a face.

 

“This was a group consensus among the coaching staff. We have to think of what is best for the team,” Jae Su explains. Apolo looks at Jimmy who sits in the corner of the room, pale-faced, and unable to look either Apolo or JR in the eye. He hasn’t said a word since they walked in and somehow Apolo doubts he is as behind this idea as Jae Su is trying to claim.

 

“Well this member of the coaching staff wasn’t consulted,” Apolo growls. JR sighs, picking his hand up out of his lap. He reaches for Apolo’s hand, tangling their fingers together. Apolo freezes where he is standing turning to look back at JR’s sad face.

 

“It was decided that your opinion would be biased in JR’s favor,” Laurent says, looking pointedly at their tangled fingers. Apolo flinches.

 

“You think?!” he growls, lurching in Laurent’s direction. JR stands up quickly, tugging on Apolo’s arm to stop him.

 

“Apolo, stop,” JR whispers. “They’ve made up their minds,” he says, eyes fixed on the floor. “Let’s just go.” Apolo steps closer to him, glaring at the three coaches spread out across the room before them.

 

“This isn’t fair!” Apolo growls. JR scoffs.

 

“Life isn’t fair, Apolo,” JR says quietly. Apolo seems to deflate at his words. He nods, picking up his jacket, and moves to the door. Before turning the knob he turns back to the conference table.

 

“Oh, and I quit,” he announces. Jae Su stands up out of his seat in shock.

 

“You are under contract, Apolo!” he objects. Apolo snickers.

 

“Try and sue me. I dare you, Jae Su! My boyfriend has just been kicked off this team, out of this program, for selflessly trying to save the life of an 10 year old little girl. A girl who happens to be my niece, and they both need me right now. You know what? Fine, I don’t quit. Consider this an indefinite leave of absence due to family issues, if you want. But I won’t be back until JR is,” he says smiling. He wrenches open the door, and steps through it. JR stops in the doorway. He looks at Jae Su who is still standing shocked in the middle of the room.

 

“Tell me Jae Su, if this was one of your sons who I was risking everything for, would I still be kicked off the team?” he asks. He watches Jae Su’s mouth drop open, and turns walking through the door after Apolo. They are silent as they make their way across the lobby of the oval. When Apolo starts toward the exit doors, JR stops, letting Apolo’s hand tug on his. Apolo looks back at him in confusion.

 

“What?” he asks. JR nods toward the hallway that leads to the locker room.

 

“I don’t want to have to come back. So, I need to go clean out my locker,” JR says, his voice hollow and slightly broken. Apolo frowns but nods. He tightens his hand in JR’s and walks with him to the locker room.

 

The team is still at afternoon practice in the gym so the locker room is empty. JR makes his way to the right side of the room, where his locker is located midway down the row. Opening and removing his lock, he reaches into the bottom of the locker for the old backpack he always keeps there for bringing home dirty clothes. Opening it up he starts filling it with everything in the locker. His gloves, and glove tips, spare skinsuits, extra blades, skate guards, soakers, and water bottles, tape, shin guards. The bag is quickly full of all of his equipment and other miscellaneous odds and ends. He closes the locker, throwing his lock into the top of the open backpack and zipping it closed. Throwing the bag over his shoulder and picking up his helmet he stares at the locker for a moment, before reaching out and ripping away the masking tape bearing his name on the locker door and turning to look at Apolo. The pain in his eyes hit like a sucker punch to Apolo stomach. He slowly sits down on the locker room bench.

 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers hanging his head. “This shouldn’t be happening. I’m so sorry, JR,” he whispers brokenly. JR lets his bag fall gingerly to the floor and steps up in front of Apolo, bracing his hands on Apolo’s shoulders. Apolo leans forward letting his forehead rest in the center of JR’s chest. JR steps closer, and Apolo curls his arms around JR’s waist. “You don’t have to do this,” Apolo whispers. “We can call it all off right now. I can still do it,” he suggests. He pulls his head up to look JR in the face. “Let me do it instead,” he pleads. “You don’t deserve this. Just let me be the one to do it, please!” JR smiles at him shaking his head.

 

“It’s better for Sarah this way, you know that. No matter what happens with me and short track and the Olympics. None of it matters, Apolo,” he whispers. “I have to think of her,” he says quietly. Apolo’s face crumples and he nods, letting his head fall back down, his arms wrapping even tighter around JR’s waist. “Come on, let’s get out of here, before the guys get out of training. I don’t want to deal with it right now.” Apolo sighs, and he slowly lets go of JR’s waist. He bends down, picking up the backpack, watching JR pick up his helmet, and together they leave the locker room. They retrieve their skates form Laurent’s empty office and leave the Oval without running into any of their friends from the team.

 

 

 

It doesn’t take long for the guys to notice something is up. Apparently as soon as they guys got back to the locker room, and Jordan reached for his locker door, directly to the left of JR’s, he’d glanced over and done a double take. He’d noticed the missing name, and the missing lock, and had pulled the door open to find all of JR’s stuff gone. He’d then run from the room to Laurent’s office only to find both of their sets of skates missing and started freaking out. He’d run back to the locker room and started questioning the rest of the guys: Travis, Simon, Anthony, and the two Kyle’s. They’d all looked at him like he was crazy until he showed them JR’s stuff was missing. The entire group of them had been just as frustrated and confused as he was. The lot of them had gone to see Jimmy and Jae Su. The former had stayed silent as the later had explained that JR was off the team temporarily until he had recovered from his surgery. This had taken the guys by surprise because they had yet to hear the final word from JR on the matter.

 

Which explains why JR and Apolo’s house is swarmed by the entire short track team, male and female alike, as soon as afternoon ice practice is officially over. Jordan, Travis, and Simon demand answers and JR and Apolo slowly and calmly provide them. When everything had been explained and argued over and the team had seen reason, Apolo says “Fuck it!” and orders more pizza than Dominos had probably ever delivered to a single family home before. Once full and satisfied the team slowly starts to trickle out, leaving in twos and threes, until only their closest friends remain. Jordan sits down on the couch beside JR, where he sits chewing on left over pizza crust. Cleaning it of every last speck of cheese and drop of sauce off of it. Jordan leans closer bumping JR’s shoulder with his own.

 

“You’re sure about this?” he asks quietly. Simon and Travis sit silent where they are stretched akimbo across the living room floor, game controllers in their hands. Apolo slumps down next to them at the foot of the couch, handing up a bottle of water to JR. JR smiles a little sadly, bumping his shoulder back against Jordan’s.

 

“Yeah. I’m sure,” he says opening the bottle and taking down a gulp. He looks over at Jordan and grins. “Hey, you know me! I don’t do anything unless I want too. And I don’t give up without a fight,” he pauses then. “Besides it’s not like me to go into an Olympics without some sort of drama going on in my life. Consider this my next challenge in need of conquering.” Jordan laughs shaking his head.

 

“Only you would be so self-sacrificing at a time like this!” he says. “Just don’t think you’re getting out of going to Sochi with us! I know you haven’t been looking forward to letting Apolo rule over your training and diet with an iron fist, but you’re going to have to let him and I don’t want to hear any bitching about it from you!” JR laughs, throwing his head back and nearly spilling his bottle of water all over his lap.

 

“Ok ok. No bitching! Apolo gets control over my diet and training! It’s a deal!” JR says laughing. Apolo crows from the floor high-fiving an amused Travis. JR stops laughing in confusion. “What?” he asks.

 

“You guys heard him! You’re all witnesses. I’m in control now!” Apolo says in triumph. Simon shakes his head.

 

“Dude, you’re going to regret saying that!” he warns. Realization comes over JR’s face as he watches Apolo climb to his feet and reach for his phone, grinning widely.

 

“Apolo? What are you doing?” he asks sitting up on the couch. Apolo turns around, still walking away from him and grinning, even as he dials. He hits send bringing the phone to his ear.

 

“Hey, John! How’s it going? You busy?” he asks. JR gasps, jumping up off the couch and diving for Apolo. Apolo spins away from him, escaping his grasping hands, and flying for the main stairwell in the foyer. He runs up the stairs, JR hot on his heels.

  
“APOLO! NO!” he yells chasing after him. Simon laughs, looking from an equally amused Travis to Jordan who is rolling on the couch laughing hysterically. Fighting to catch his breath he looks at his two teammates.

 

“John Schaeffer? The maniac that practically tortured Apolo on a daily basis for two years leading up to Vancouver?” he asks.

 

Simon shakes his head as a thump and shout echo from upstairs. He watches Travis and Jordan laugh harder, tears pouring from their eyes as a crash echoes throughout the house, followed by a yell for mercy. “I told him he’d regret saying that!” Simon says with a grin.

 

 

 

JR and Apolo spend the week leading up to their flight back to Tulsa getting the house sorted. They know that JR will be hospitalized for at least a few days. The plan is to stay in a hotel for a week after that before flying from there to Seattle, where JR’d likely spend several weeks recuperating in the tender care of his mother. All in all they’d be gone from SLC for quite a while. Jordan volunteers to come over to get their mail, and Travis volunteers to look after their cars. Simon, meanwhile, volunteers to eat all the leftover food in the house, and immediately gets started. Apolo has the water and electricity scheduled to be shut off, and then alerts the security company that they are leaving the keys with a friend. On Saturday, two days before JR’s scheduled surgery the two of them fly to Tulsa.

 

Again checking into the same hotel they had every single time they’d flown into Tulsa, they make their selves at home and get settled in.

 

That night, in the dark of their hotel room JR curls up in the bed, and lets himself cry for a little while. It isn’t big body shaking sobs, in fact he doesn’t make a sound at all, just lies there with silent tears streaming from his eyes. Apolo lies beside him staring up at the ceiling, and holding him close. Tears drip down JR’s nose and soak into Apolo’s t-shirt at the shoulder but neither seems to care. JR moves closer and rests his head over Apolo’s heart, closing his eyes, and listening to Apolo’s steady heartbeat. Eventually his tears stop, and wiping at his eyes, he moves up the bed to rest his head next to Apolo’s on the pillow. He wraps his arm around Apolo’s waist and presses his whole body closer to the older man’s. Apolo tightens his own grip, before letting go with one hand to tilt JR’s face up to his own.

 

JR’s eyes are still wet but he’s stopped crying and he presses his mouth to Apolo’s with a sort of desperation that has Apolo gasping. JR presses his tongue into Apolo’s mouth, his arms sliding around Apolo’s sides. In response, Apolo’s hands slid up under JR’s t-shirt. JR breaks the kiss, burying his face in Apolo’s neck.

 

“Promise me everything is going to be ok. That I have nothing to worry about. That Sarah and I will both be perfectly fine on Monday. Tell me I’m making the right choice and that this isn’t going to ruin my whole life…” he pleads. Apolo tugs JR over on top of himself, and pulls JR’s face up to look him in the eyes.

 

“You know I can’t make those promises. This is a huge deal. But I do think you’re doing the right thing. I think that you are both going to be ok when this is over and done with. And I know you aren’t going to ruin your whole life by saving hers. You have a lot of living to do, JR. This is just a bump in the road.” JR sighs, nodding. He smiles a bit hesitantly and presses his mouth to Apolo’s again. His hands slide down Apolo’s sides, and up under his shirt. Apolo breaks the kiss laughing. “This is probably not the best idea, JR,” he whispers.

 

“I’m having major surgery the day after tomorrow. I’ll be in the hospital for days, and in pain for weeks afterward. If not now, then how long before we get too again?” he asks. Apolo groans and JR laughs, taking the opportunity to sit up, and swing his leg over to sit straddling Apolo’s hips. He sits there smiling down at Apolo, and pulls his t-shirt off. Apolo groans, sitting up under him.

 

“I can’t really argue with that reasoning,” Apolo replies tugging his own shirt off. JR smiles, all anxiety gone from his expression and wraps his arms around Apolo chest, hands pressing to Apolo’s back, and hips pushing down against Apolo’s growing erection. Apolo groans, shifting JR slightly to the side. “Whose turn is it?” he asks. JR rolls his eyes.

 

“Does it really matter? It’s not like we really keep track, either way,” JR whispers, shifting his hips into Apolo’s making him laugh.

 

“Which do you want? Your choice?” Apolo offers. JR sighs. He reaches down to adjust his dick in his boxers, the back of his hand brushing Apolo’s equally hard erection through Apolo’s boxer-briefs.

 

“Fuck, Apolo,” JR whispers, feeling Apolo’s hands slide down the back of his boxers and squeeze a little. He laughs. “Ok, Ok!” JR laughs. “My turn! You’ve convinced me! Lucky me!” he tugs at Apolo’s wrists, wrestling them out of his shorts and forcing Apolo’s body back down to the bed. He sits astride Apolo’s hips, erections pressed together. It is so familiar to touch Apolo like this, to laugh with him, and to tease him. It makes JR feel at home, even while in their anonymous hotel room in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Apolo grins up at him, hands breaking free from JR’s grip and landing on the other man’s hips. One push from Apolo’ still muscular thighs, and in the blink of an eye, JR is staring up at Apolo instead of down. He lets out a moan when Apolo tugs his boxers down, removing them unceremoniously. Apolo scrambles out of his own underwear then dives in for a kiss. JR groans against his tongue. This is what he needs just then, to lose himself in something other than stress or the chaos of his own head.

 

Apolo knows his body. Knows the right way to kiss, and lick, and maneuver. He has JR prepared and eager for him in what feels like seconds, and before JR can fully process it, he has JR’s left knee hiked up over his forearm, and has JR’s hips up and into position. Apolo uses his other hand to guide his dick into JR’s ass. JR groans at the first push, his eyes meeting Apolo’s, his hands gripping Apolo’s shoulders as tugs him in for another kiss. JR pulls him down, groans at the depth Apolo’s erection reaches with each push inside of him. Apolo smiles against his mouth, and uses his other hand to tug up JR’s other thigh. JR has never been so grateful for his incredible flexibility than he is in this moment, when Apolo has him practically folded in half. JR’s erection is pressed to his own flat stomach, Apolo’s stomach pressing against it from the other side. Apolo starts to thrust, beginning with a fast hard rhythm he knows will have JR flushed red with arousal and on the brink in just a few minutes. JR cries out, bucking against him, sweat starting to break out on his forehead, and chest. Drops of it dripping down his throat. Apolo chuckles, kissing down JR’s cheek and chin, down over his Adam’s apple, to lick up the sweat pooled in the hollow of JR’s collarbone.

 

JR’s back arches in pleasure, his body rocking up into the steady thrusts of Apolo’s hips. He pants for air, the fingers of one hand threading through the back section of Apolo’s hair. He tugs a little, pulls Apolo’s mouth up to his. He uses his other hand to reach for his own erection, suddenly desperate to come. Apolo grunts and releases JR’s right leg to smack his hand away. He grips JR’s wrist and presses it back into the bed at JR’s side. JR cries out twisting away. He wants to come. He wants his dick touched. He is suddenly fresh out of patience. Apolo laughs again, roll his hips hard, and releases JR’s wrist to take JR’s erection into his own tight grip. JR claps his freed hand over his mouth, to muffle his response, his eyes fluttering closed and his head stretching back. Apolo watches him with intense eyes. He squeezes JR’s dick and angles his hips just right. He watches JR break apart beneath him, watches him orgasm, his body going taunt and tense and then lose and pliant against the mattress. Warm, sticky, wetness splashes up between them. Apolo sighs, bending down to press a soft kiss to JR’s slack mouth before he lets himself go. He thrust a few more times, pressed his body down against JR’s everywhere possible, and falls over the edge. He comes inside of JR, groans with pleasure into the younger man’s shoulder and goes still against him.

 

JR lets out a little laugh, his hands scratching lightly down Apolo’s bare back. Apolo stretches against him, pulling free, he lets JR’s legs slide back down to lay on the mattress and then rolls over to press himself along JR’s side. JR laughs again pressing one palm to his forehead.

 

“We need to do that like way more often,” he says quietly. Apolo groans nodding his head in agreement. JR turns into him, rolling up onto his side and sliding an arm around Apolo’s middle. They lay in silence for a few minutes until JR breaks it. “I’m scared,” he admits. Apolo presses closer, kissing JR’s forehead.

 

“I know. You’re allowed to be,” he says. “Is there anything I can do to make this easier?” JR sighs, pressing his face into Apolo’s neck.

 

“Just keep being here,” he says. Apolo smiles.

 

“That I can definitely do,” he promises.

 

 

 

The next day, the day before the surgery is scheduled to take place, JR and Apolo sit watching TV in their hotel room, arguing over whether or not JR would be training with John Schaeffer once he is healed up again.  Their argument is interrupted by a knock on the door. JR scowls, going to answer it. Standing on the other side of the door are JR’s parents, Bob and Sue, and Apolo’s dad Yuki. JR’s jaw drops.

 

“What are you guys doing here?” he asks, stepping back into the room. All three parents file inside, stopping to hug JR and one, his mother, kissing him on the cheek.

 

“You didn’t think we wouldn’t come did you?” Yuki asks, stopping to hug a now standing Apolo. JR shakes his head, letting his mother pull him over to sit down on the couch beside her.

 

“Of course we came!” Bob says, sitting beside JR on his other side.

 

“Our youngest son is going to have major surgery in a strange place, and you think we wouldn’t come?” Sue asks sounding hurt. JR rolls his eyes, leaning into his mom’s warmth. He is glad they are here. Their presence is reassuring, comforting. He feels relieved knowing that they would be there when he went in for the surgery and when he came out. Yuki smiles at him from across the room.

 

“I know you are not my son. But you are very important to him and to me. I would be here for you both during this time,” he says warmly sitting in the only armchair. JR nods, smiling at him.

 

“I’m glad you’re here Yuki. You’ll have to watch Apolo for me while I’m laid up in the hospital,” JR jokes. Apolo scoffs, sitting on the armrest of Yuki’s chair.

 

“I’m not a dog that needs a sitter while you’re unavailable!” Apolo objects. Yuki reaches up and pats him on the head.

 

“Of course not!” he says, rubbing his fingers firmly against Apolo’s scalp. Apolo coos at the familiar feeling and bends toward his father’s strong fingers. The rest of the room bursts out laughing and Apolo blushes, ducking away from his father’s hand. 

 

 

 

On Sunday, the Celski’s and the Ohno’s head over to the children’s hospital.  JR has some last minute testing to get done. A urine test, a second chest x-ray, and getting more blood drawn. Apolo and Yuki leave to go visit Sarah and Michael. Yuki is understandably nervous. But Apolo insists. So in the elevator, JR and his parents head up to the lab, letting Apolo and his dad off on Sarah’s floor.

 

After giving over his blood and urine samples, and signing all the appropriate paperwork, the three of them head back to the elevators and down to Sarah’s floor. All discussion of tattoos and Apolo’s fear of needles ceases the moment the door opens and they hear the shouting.

 

JR immediately picks up his pace, his father right behind him. They step into chaos. It takes a minute for JR to realize what exactly is happening. Apolo is pale, looking shaken, and pulling his father away, back toward the elevators. Yuki for his part looks angry, really angry, but he’s clearly fighting to keep from saying anything. The shouting is being done partly by a red headed woman confronting them in the hallway and partly by two nurses and a doctor calling for security. JR grabs Apolo’s arm, watching his own father grab Yuki’s, pulling the two of them back down the hallway, past the elevator and into the thankfully empty family waiting room that JR knew was there.

 

The four of them pile inside, Sue slamming the door closed behind them.

 

“What the hell is going on? This is a hospital? A pediatric hospital!” Bob yells. Apolo lets his father go, sliding down into a nearby chair. JR looks at him, scared and worried, and confused. Yuki still looks pissed and walks to the far end of the room, hands on his hips, to start pacing. There is a knock on the door. Sue looks at Bob, and at his nod she opens the door to let in Michael. He comes in looking pissed and heads straight for Apolo. JR moves to intercept him but the words Michael says stops him cold.

 

“I swear to God, I didn’t know she would be here! Apolo I wouldn’t do that to you! I wouldn’t spring her on you. She said she wouldn’t do this!” Michael says, sitting down beside Apolo. Apolo nods, sitting forward and resting his face in his hands, shoulders hunched.

 

“Michael, what happened?” JR asks, taking the seat on Apolo’s other side. He reaches for Apolo, but the older man is so tense, so closed in and shut down, that JR isn’t sure if his touch would be entirely welcome. He puts his hand on the armrest between them, leaving it there, and turns to look at Apolo’s brother. Michael is flushed red, and sits shoulders bowed over with emotion, his body almost but not quite mirroring Apolo’s posture.

 

“We asked our Pastor to pray for Sarah and you tomorrow. He’s been there for us her whole life. Through every hospital stay and birthday. A great support and a wonderful help. He asked if he could mention it to the congregation. We didn’t think that would be any sort of problem. So this morning he asked the entire church to remember you both all day today and to pray for you both tomorrow and in the coming days. We didn’t realize that this would be the one Sunday that Betty Ryan would be in attendance. She’s an old friend of my mothers. Well she told Mom and so Mom came here. Said she wanted to see Sarah before she went in for surgery. We had just found out she was here when Apolo and Yuki walked in. She sees Yuki and starts screaming,” Michael explains. He shakes his head. JR looks at Yuki, who is still pacing.

 

“Still has so much hate for me. I do not understand!” Yuki growls. Apolo lets out a deep sigh. 

 

“She’s angry that we were happy,” Apolo says softly. Everyone seems to freeze. “I think she wanted us to be as miserable as she was. That we would miss her. That there would be a void where she was supposed to be. But there is too much love between us for that to really be there,” he says sounding angry. He looks up, meeting his father’s eyes.

 

“You can’t know that,” Yuki says, his face going slack, the tension draining out of it to sit in his shoulders.

 

“Didn’t you hear what she was screaming?” Apolo asks. JR thinks back to the angry woman in the hallway. He closes his eyes trying to remember what she had been yelling. “He doesn’t want me. He doesn’t love me. It’s all your fault. You were too good. He didn’t even miss me.” Apolo repeats the words in a tired strained voice. JR opens his eyes turning to look at Apolo. He reaches for him again, his hand hovering over Apolo’s. This time Apolo reaches back and grabs it, never taking his eyes off his father. Yuki walks closer. He bends down, putting his arms around Apolo in a hug.

 

“We were better off without her poison,” he whispers. Apolo nods into Yuki’s shoulder, wrapping his other arm around Yuki’s waist. JR hears a choked sound and looks to the door where his mother is crying silently, his Dad standing behind her looking half angry and half hurt. JR looks back at Yuki, who is looking intently at Michael. Apolo pulls away from him, composing himself but not letting go of JR’s hand. Yuki turns fully toward Michael. “I know she is your mother, but she is nothing to us. I am only sorry that she succeeded in keeping you from us for so long. I’d have kept you,” Yuki whispers. “I’d have kept you, but she would have none of it.” JR watches a dozen different emotions flash across Michael’s face. It isn’t until Yuki’s hands settle on his shoulders that he seems to settle on pained. “You were a good boy. You are a good man. You deserved better…” Yuki says quietly. JR looks away as Michael nods, tears coming to the older man’s eyes.

 

Yuki and Michael move to sit in the corner together, talking quietly. JR watches out the corner of his eye as Michael pulls out the photos from his wallet to show Yuki his family. Apolo tilts his head back against the wall behind them trying to relax. JR sits tucked into his side, arm wrapped around his back, and head resting against that same wall. They stay in the room for a long time, but they can’t stay there forever. After a while the door opens and a security guard steps into the room. Michael stands up, going out into the hall to talk with him. He returns a few minutes later looking relieved.

 

“She’s gone. Barred her from the hospital. Do you want to go see Sarah?” Michael asks, directing the question at both JR and Apolo, who both nod.

 

They’re subdued as they enter the little girl’s room, but Sarah doesn’t seem to have any idea what had gone on up the hall and she greets them all as warmly as ever before. With the surgery scheduled for the next morning, 3 weeks to the day of that first phone call, JR wants to just spend as much time as possible with his family. And so he does. Between last minute blood-tests, and chest x-rays, and visiting with Sarah, Ben, Michael and Judy, JR and Apolo also find time to visit with their parents and spend time with each other. Bob and Sue insist on taking Yuki, JR, and Apolo out to dinner later that night and they have a loud meal full of stories and laughter.

 

JR goes to bed early, secure in the knowledge that everything is set and ready to go for the next morning. Sarah is healthy enough. He is healthy enough. His parents and Yuki, and Apolo are all going to be there and he has more than enough time to recover before Olympic Trials. But sleep doesn’t come easily. He lays awake late into the night, curled up with Apolo draped over and around him, as awake as he is, but neither of them bothering to talk. They don’t have anything to say to each other that hasn’t already been said.

 

 

 

JR is tired in the morning, but he figures that means it’d be that much easier to fall asleep when he needs too. Apolo isn’t quite so lucky.

 

JR heads to the hospital just after 6am, and is taken down to pre-op immediately. His surgery is scheduled to take place first, with a secondary team starting on Sarah midway through his own. But he makes sure he gets to see Sarah before they take him away, and he reassures the little girl that she would be seeing him soon.

 

“We’re in this together, Sarah. We’ll have matching scars and everything!” he teases. She giggles in reply, smiling for the first time all morning.

 

By 7:30am JR is in surgery. The surgery goes on for hours, taking longer than they had anticipated. He doesn’t come out until nearly 3:00pm. And he isn’t awake and coherent until nearly 4:00pm. For those pacing in the waiting room it proves to be a near impossibly long day.

 

JR comes to for the first time in recovery. He’s groggy, dizzy, the room out of focus, and strangely tilted. He’s in pain. A lot of pain. They ask him questions he only half remembers and ask if he wants his mother. He nods, and fades back out again. When he comes too again, Sue is there, and she leans over him smiling widely.

 

“Hey, JR,” she says softly, brushing his hair back off his face. “How are you feeling?” she asks. JR blinks slowly, his mouth cottony, and his tongue heavy. He knows this feeling. He’s felt it before. He’s drugged. He tries to smile at her.

 

“I’m feeling sort of high right now. Will you ask them to turn down the pain killers?” he asks. She laughs.

 

“No way, baby. You deserve the good stuff right now. You can start arguing with the nurses later. Right now enjoy the buzz,” she teases. JR smiles at her for real, and squeezes the hand holding his. She leans down to press a kiss to his forehead. “We’re so proud of you,” she says softly. JR takes a deep breath, and groans at the painful pull in the right side of his back. “JR?” she asks.

 

“’m ok. Moved too much I think. How’s Sarah?” he asks, brow furrowing.

 

“She’s still in surgery. They didn’t start on her until midway through yours. She’ll be a little while yet. But they said they’d come tell you as soon as she is out. You’ll be able to see her tomorrow, I think.” She pets his hair again, and he nuzzles into her hand, enjoying the affection.

 

“It hurts,” he breathes. She nods, smiling knowingly.

 

“I know it does,” she whispers. He nods. Yes, she really does know. He sighs, his eyes drooping closed.

 

“Mama?” he says softly.

 

“Mhmm?” she replies, still pushing back his hair.

 

“Tell ‘Polo I love him for me?” he asks, voice slurring the words. Her smile is nearly blinding.

 

“He’ll be here when you wake up again,” she promises. JR smiles, falling back to sleep.

 

They must be drugging him fairly well, because the next time JR wakes up he’s been moved into a regular hospital room, and it’s dark around him. Blinking in the half light, he looks around the room. Apolo is stretched out beside him to the right in a reclining chair, covered in a hospital blanket, dozing. To his left is a host of machines that have JR’s head reeling a bit. He tenses just a little, rolling his shoulders and groaning at the pain that flares up his side and across his back. He gasps, sucking in air quickly in reaction. Apolo blinks his eyes open, sitting up in the seat.

 

“Hey, stay still,” he says, voice hoarse. He reaches out to rest a hand on JR’s shoulder, and slowly the younger man relaxes. “Don’t try and move around just yet. They’ll have you doing plenty of that tomorrow. For now just try and rest.” JR nods. Apolo smiles at him. “You did great.  And Sarah is out of surgery and doing just fine,” he says. JR feels all the tension leave his system at those words, and he closes his eyes in relief.

 

“Oh, good,” he says quietly. Apolo leans closer, bracing an elbow on the edge of the bed, he cradles his chin.

 

“So…” he says with a grin. “Mama Sue says you loooove me…” he teases. JR giggles, groaning as he does, at the pain echoing up his back.

 

“Yeah... well, what does she know? I’m under the influence...” he replies. Apolo shakes his head.

 

“Likely story. How bad does it hurt?” he asks. JR reaches for his hand, and Apolo takes it.

 

“Bad. But I’ll manage. How’s Sarah?”

 

“Sleeping I think,” he checks his watch for the exact time, and rubs a hand over his face. “It’s 3am, I talked to Michael around midnight. She was sleeping comfortably.” JR nods.

 

“Think they’ll let me see her tomorrow?” he asks. Apolo shrugs.

 

“Probably. They’re going to want you to transfer to a chair tomorrow. I don’t see why it can’t be a wheelchair,” he says with a smile.

 

“I don’t want her to worry about me,” JR says. He feels Apolo’s hand squeezing his.

 

“We’ll make sure she doesn’t,” Apolo says. JR nods.

 

“Thank you for staying with me. But you should go back to the hotel. You need sleep,” JR says. Apolo rolls his eyes.

 

“What was it you said to me a few weeks ago? ‘Not alone. I can’t sleep by myself. I’m too spoiled now.’” JR sighs, but decides not to argue with him. He adjusts himself in the bed, and grunts with pain. His whole back hurts with a steady ache, and it’s radiating out of the right side. One wrong move and the pain flares brighter and harsher, and he feels like his whole back is being ripped apart. He bites back the sound, and squeezes his eyes shut against the pain. He doesn’t hear Apolo get up, doesn’t even notice Apolo letting go of his hand. But he notices when Apolo appears on his other side, the left side and presses a hand to the side of his face. He blinks open his eyes and stares up at Apolo’s concerned expression.

 

“It’s ok, just breathe. Let’s try this,” he says. “Roll onto this side.” JR nods, and takes Apolo’s hand, using the leverage of Apolo’s grip, and his own legs to roll over onto his left side. Apolo stuffs a pillow under his head, and another between him and the railing of the bed. “Better?” he asks. JR nods, breathing deeply. He lets himself go limp, glad to finally be off of his back.  “Try and get some sleep,” Apolo whispers. JR sighs, feeling drowsy again. 

 

“Ok,” he breathes. “I do love you,” he says quietly. Apolo laughs.

 

“I know. I love you too,” Apolo says, pressing his lips to JR’s forehead. It’s the last thing JR feels before he falls back to sleep.

 

The nurses wake up JR a few hours later. They take his vitals, hook up the morphine pain pump, explain how it works, and then help him move into a chair. He learns quickly that the pain is bad. And he needs the medication, at least for now. He sits up for a few hours, before moving back into the bed. Later he asks to go see Sarah, and Apolo helps him move into the wheelchair. She looks amazing in comparison to before her surgery. Her face is pained, but her cheeks are rosy, and Judy can barely contain herself as she tells JR and Apolo that she had already started using her new kidney to full affect. Sarah blushes, but JR laughs.

 

“That’s wonderful, Sarah. I’m glad it’s working so well!” he says, taking her hand. She squeezes it back.

 

“Thank you, JR,” she says, sniffling a little. He smiles at her.

 

“Don’t cry. You need to concentrate on getting better. I want you, Ben, and you parents to come to SLC to visit me in a few months, ok?” he asks. She nods, her face lighting up.

 

“You can come see him skate, and we’ll introduce you to the whole team,” Apolo adds. She laughs with excitement but then turns serious.

 

“Apolo? Am I allowed to call you Uncle, yet?” she asks. Apolo stares at her in shock, not sure how to respond. But a few seconds later he smiles at her.

 

“Of course you can! It’s what I am, isn’t it?” he asks. Her answering smile has JR grinning widely in response. He doesn’t miss Michael’s expression of happiness, or Judy’s teary eyes, as they look on.

 

 

 

The next few days are spent recuperating. On the second morning post surgery they get JR up and he starts walking. He walks for as long as he can, up and down the hallways. His parents, Yuki, and Apolo take turns walking with him. Everything is harder than he’s been expecting. What surprises JR the most is how tired he is. He doesn’t know if it’s the liquid diet, the pain, the pain meds, or just the trauma of the surgery, but he’s exhausted all the time and his stamina is shot. Walking 3 laps of the floor has him breathing hard, and ready for a nap. He surprises the medical staff with how hard he pushes himself. He doesn’t use the morphine unless he absolutely has too. He only presses the button when he is getting up to go to the bathroom or out to walk again, refusing to use it when he’s just lying in bed. By day three he’s able to get out of bed by himself, and he’s walking numerous times a day.

 

On Friday they send him home, well… home to the hotel. He finds that in his absence, his and Apolo’s stuff has magically been transported two floors down to a room connected to his parent’s room. He rolls his eyes but lets them baby him, at least a little bit. They send him home with a prescription for oral pain meds, and he agrees to take them as long as they don’t make his head fuzzy. He’s feeling much better by Monday, and on Wednesday, JR’s birthday they fly home to Seattle.

 

The flight is long and painful, and miserable. JR tries not to take any of his meds, but ends up having too simply to get through the flight. They get home mid-afternoon, and Apolo takes him upstairs to get some rest. When he wakes up it’s to a birthday party. Chris is there, and his parents, and Apolo. His mom cooks his favorite dishes for dinner, and they set him up on the couch for an evening of presents and a little bit of pampering. He goes to sleep later that night in his bed, curled around Apolo. It had been a fight to get him to sleep in bed beside him, but JR tells him it will help him sleep better and pouts until Apolo relents. Apolo lays down beside him, being careful not to move too much and bounce the bed. JR just curls up on his left side, wraps an arm around Apolo’s waist, throws a knee over Apolo’s legs, and goes to sleep.

 

The middle of the day on Thursday is when JR gets his biggest birthday surprise. Apolo answers a knock on the door to find Jordan standing there, a messily wrapped box in his hands.

 

“Jordan?” Apolo asks, shocked.

 

“Hey, man! How you been?” Jordan replies. Apolo motions him inside.

 

“Come in! What are you doing here!?” he asks, pulling him into a hug. Jordan laughs.

 

“You mean, besides pissing off Jae Su?” he asks. “What do you think? I’m here to see your boy! Where is he?” Jordan asks. Apolo points upstairs.

 

They find JR stretched out across the bed on his stomach, hugging a pillow, dead asleep. He’s wearing only gym shorts, his bare back open to the air, a white bandage on one side, immediately drawing Jordan’s attention. Apolo steps past him.

 

“JR?” he calls softly. JR groans. “JR you have a visitor,” he says. JR turns his head, blinking his eyes slowly open. A grin spreads across his face at the sight of Jordan standing there. Apolo offers him a hand, and JR uses it as leverage to sit up without turning or stretching his back too much. He mumbles his thanks. Once he’s sitting up on the side of the bed, he scratches a hand through his hair, and smiles at Jordan.

 

“What are you doing here, Maloney!?” he asks.

 

“What? A guy can’t come visit his best friend, on his birthday, right after he’s had major surgery?” Jordan asks. JR shakes his head.

 

“Thanks for coming. How is everyone? How’s training?” he asks. Then spying the box he adds: “What did you bring me?” Jordan laughs. He sits down on the end of JR’s bed, and holds out the box.

 

“We’re all fine. Jae Su sucks. Here. It’s a Happy-Birthday-Feel-Better-Soon present!” he proclaims. JR grins, taking it from him.

 

“You didn’t have to get me anything,” JR says, tearing at the wrapping.

 

“It’s from all of us,” Jordan explains.

 

He opens the cardboard box and starts to laugh. Inside is a hodgepodge of different things. Two cans of Pringles, a box of granola bars, a Snickers. Two Comic books, likely from Travis. A new CD, still in its wrapping, likely from Simon. Two power bars, his favorite peanut butter ones, definitely from Aly. A car magazine, Jeff? And a framed photo of the entire team, sappy but cute, that he knows Kyle Uyehara took. And in the bottom, something wrapped in newsprint. He lays his goodies out on the bed, smacks Apolo’s hand away from the Power Bars and then immediately away from the car magazine, all while forcibly ignores Apolo’s pout. He tugs the mystery item out of the box, letting Jordan take the cardboard away. It’s lighter than he thinks it should be for its size, but hard under the newsprint. Pulling the paper away, he finds a… well he doesn’t know what it is. It’s sort of rectangular, but with slightly curved edges, and with a thin, but spongy, foam padding on one side, and what looks like Velcro straps hanging off one end. He looks at Jordan for explanation, to find him blushing a bit.

 

“That’s from me. But I got Carr to help me out with it. In our numerous Google searches we found a blog by an ex-hockey player who did what you did. He was talking about how you have to give up high impact sports after donating. The danger of hurting your only remaining kidney is too high to put yourself in physical danger. So he switched to less dangerous athletic sports. He said he still had to be careful though, even with the low impact activities. And he recommended buying these safety vests that they sell. They’re padded, and they protect your back to make sure your kidney’s aren’t in danger if you fall or something,” Jordan explains. JR feels his forehead crease, but he keeps listening. “But Dude, the only ones we found totally wouldn’t work when you’re skating. They restrict movement, and they look heavy as hell, like wearing a life preserver or a weight vest. So Travis thought this up,” Jordan takes the thing from him. “I used Kyle for the measurements, he’s about your size. I took a cast of his back, and I made this out of carbon fiber. It will probably need some adjustments, but I think it will work out ok, at least for now.” He holds the thing behind his own back, showing JR how it fits snuggly to hug the majority of the back, and slightly around the sides, to make sure it doesn’t slide around too much. “The Velcro is a pain in the ass, but it wraps around the front of you and sticks to the other side to keep it in place,” he says. He hands it back to JR.

 

JR holds it in his hands, not sure how to feel about it. He tries to picture strapping it on, before a race, and can’t imagine it. He doesn’t want it, but he knows how hard the guys had worked on it. He knows they want him to be safe, they want him to stay healthy, and to still be able to race without hurting himself when it can be prevented. He runs his hands over the shiny blue surface, clearly carbon fiber, and feels suddenly grateful.

 

“I know you guys had probably already figured something out, but we wanted to do something…” Jordan says, trailing off. When JR doesn’t say something he keeps talking. “Kyle wore it one day on the ice, he said it helped him keep his back aligned, but it made cornering a little difficult. When you’re back on the ice, I want you to try it out, and then I can make any changes it needs. I bet after a while you won’t even notice it’s there.” Jordan goes silent. JR grips the, he doesn’t even know what to call it, with tight hands, and carefully sets it down on his pillows.

 

“Well?” Apolo says, watching him carefully.

 

“I think it was…” JR takes a deep breath. “It was a brilliant idea, and I think I’m very lucky to have such talented and creative friends at my back,” he says. He looks up and sees delight spread across Jordan’s face.

 

“You think it will work?” he asks. JR nods.

 

“I think when I’m able to do dry land training again, we should start testing it. I’m too tender right now to put a shirt on half the time, let alone this, but I can see using it when I practice with the turn belt. That should tell me if it will let me corner.” He smiles at Jordan. “Thank you,” he says sincerely. Jordan nods, and reaches over to pull him gingerly into a half hug. “Not just for the pad, and for the whole gift box, and for coming all the way out here to see me, but for being my best friend,” he says. Jordan nods into his shoulder.

 

“Yeah well, you’re a pretty great friend too. Get better quick. It’s not the same without you,” he pulls away as he says it, smile crooked. “But we are having a wicked time pissing off Jae Su for you!” That has JR and Apolo both laughing.

 

Jordan can only stay for the night, before heading back to SLC the next morning.

 

 

 

Rehabilitation takes longer than JR would like it too. 10 days after the surgery, he goes to the hospital in downtown Seattle for a post surgery check-up. They tell him he’s healing well, and fast. They ok him to start driving again, encourage him to keep walking and moving. But they tell him no heavy lifting, which means no gym work, and no bending, which means no dry land or stretching. His next doctor’s appointment won’t be for several weeks, but he’s encouraged by their positivity. They seem surprised at the way his back has already healed so far, and encourage him to work on his endurance with walking.

 

In the doctor’s office he gets his first good look at the scar. It’s dark and raised, internal sutures making it appear neat and tidy. It’s ugly, he thinks, and reminds him a bit too much of the one on his left thigh. But this one, he reminds himself, reaching around to run his fingers down the length, was for a good cause. The doctors had been careful, when they cut, to avoid the major nerves and muscles of his back, and had kept it as small as possible, but he knows it will take time to recover from. He pulls his t-shirt back on, wincing at the pull when he raises his arms, and flinching at the feel of his t-shirt brushing against it for the first time without a bandage.

 

JR and Apolo stay in Seattle for the rest of July. They walk every day, going further each time, stopping to rest when JR needs too. They start out just doing laps of the neighborhood, but soon JR longs for a challenge. They walk the easier trails, zigzagging across Seattle, enjoying the beauty of home and all the fresh air, while also getting JR’s legs moving again. As the trails get a little harder, JR is forced to move more, using his back and his arms, lightly at first, to power up a hill or keep his balance going down one. By the end of July he’s started jogging, and they stay out for longer and longer periods. He’s still pained when he moves wrong, still tender over the incision, but he’s feeling more like himself.

 

It’s while JR is riding the stationary bike for the third time that week that Apolo talks to him about what to do next.

 

“So, we need to talk about what the plan is,” Apolo says. He sits on the weight bench in front of JR’s bike. JR blinks down at him.

 

“I need more to go on here,” JR says, wiping at the sweat beading on his forehead. Apolo rolls his eyes.

 

“You’re three weeks post surgery. Tomorrow you have your second post-op check-up. You’re doing great so far, improving every day. You’re moving better, faster, and for longer periods of time. But the fact is JR, I am not a trainer. I need to know if you want me to call John or not.” JR sighs, hanging his head.

 

“I thought you already had,” he says, looking back up at Apolo who rolls his eyes.

 

“Like a month ago! To mention to him that it could be a possibility. Look, all I know is he’s an expert. He’s tough, and he’ll probably make you want to jump off a bridge, but he can get you into the shape you need to be in. We have two months before trials. That’s not a lot of time, and we need the best of the best. He knows about recovering from injury, he knows what shape we need you to be in, and he can help with nutrition. So are we going to Pennsylvania or not?” he asks. JR thinks about it before answering.

 

“He’ll be able to get me ready?” he asks.

 

“If anyone can, John can,” Apolo explains. JR nods.

 

“Ok,” he smiles as he says it. “But don’t take it personal if I start hating you by proxy once he starts torturing me!” he adds. Apolo laughs.

 

“That’s part of being your boyfriend. I can deal if you can,” he says. JR rolls his eyes.

 

“You’re not the one he’s going to be making miserable,” JR replies. Apolo laughs a full belly laugh.

 

“You don’t know John. You think he’s going to let me just stand in the corner watching while he makes you do work? Think again!” he says shaking his head. “I’ll probably in shape enough to make the Olympic team myself by the time he’s done with us!”

 

 

 

They head to John Schaeffer the first week in August. He is amazing at what he does. He has JR pushing his limits, eating right, and moving more than he has in over a month. It’s painful. It’s really painful, and it’s exhausting, but JR can feel himself getting stronger. Not just in body but in mind too. Every night he and Apolo pass out in John’s guestroom, and sleep all the way through ‘til morning, at which point John wakes them up and starts torturing them again.

 

It’s during their 2nd week in Pennsylvania that John sends them to bed early. JR’s having more pain than usual, and John decides to go easy on them for the night. JR’s tired and irritable, and needs the break.

 

He flops down on the bed, wearing just his boxers, and groans. “I want to die…” he whines, burying his face in a pillow. Apolo doesn’t hold back the laugh that bubbles to the surface. He moves closer, securing the towel around his waist, his hair dripping on his shoulders. He’s fresh from the shower, still wet and flushed red. 

 

“Oh stop being such a big baby! You’ve had worse than this before!” Apolo replies. JR grunts at him, turning his head to look at him, and laying limp in the center of their bed.

 

“Everything hurts. My back most of all,” JR says. Apolo nods. He’s aware. He sits on the side of the bed, quickly towel drying his hair.

 

“I know,” he tosses the towel toward the hamper, and turns to sit facing JR. His eyes are drawn to the healing scar on the side of JR’s back. It’s still dark and raised and painful looking, but JR keeps assuring him it feels better every day. And Apolo chooses to believe him. He reaches out, pressing his hands to JR’s shoulders. He kneads the muscles there, and JR whimpers a little. Apolo sighs. “You talked to Sarah today? I missed my call from her,” he says. JR nods, hugging the pillow under his head.

 

“Yes. She was so excited. Her doctor thinks she might be able to go back to school this year at least part time. She was telling me all about going school supply shopping with Judy, and how she is wondering which shirt to wear with her new blue skirt on the first day,” he grins as he says it. Apolo laughs.

 

“She should send us pictures, we’ll help her choose!” Apolo says. JR’s shoulders shake under his hands as he laughs too.

 

“I’m pretty sure she did! I haven’t checked my cell. But I bet they’re there waiting for us!” JR says. Apolo shakes his head.

 

“We can text her later or in the morning,” Apolo says. He moves his hands over JR’s tense shoulders. “Will you try to relax a little here? I’m trying to get these knots out,” he says. JR immediately complies, relaxing all his muscles. Years of conditioning and training in muscle control coming immediately into play. He lets out a deep breath and goes limp under Apolo’s hands. Apolo moves his hands across JR’s shoulders and down the center of his bare back, listening for vocal clues on what hurts and what feels good. JR relaxes by inches, body molding into the comforter under him. He groans, turning his head to the side to breathe.

 

“Thank you,” he says softly, sincerely. It’s said out of nowhere, without any real context, but Apolo smiles.

 

“You’d be doing the same thing for me,” Apolo replies. JR shakes his head, turning under Apolo’s hands, and wincing a little at the pull in his side. Once settled on his back, he pulls Apolo’s body closer, Apolo stretches out alongside him comfortably. They roll until they’re both on their sides, face to face.

 

“I’m not just talking about rubbing my back,” JR says. Apolo’s hand reaches around and strokes down his side, lightly tracing the length of the scar. He waits for JR to wince again but he only shudders a little, pressing in closer. “I was talking about everything else,” JR finishes. Apolo nods.

 

“I know,” he says. He leans his forehead to rest against JR’s. “You’d be doing the same thing for me,” he repeats, smiling. JR huffs out a laugh, shaking his head a little, and winding his arms around Apolo just a bit tighter.

 

“True enough,” he replies, tilting his head to press his mouth to Apolo’s, tongue teasing forward. Apolo hums in response, opening his mouth to JR’s and tilting his hips into the younger man’s. JR wiggles closer, pressing back eagerly. Apolo gasps breaking the kiss.

 

“You sure?” he asks, letting one hand slide down JR’s back to toy at the waistband of his boxers. JR laughs, his mouth nipping at Apolo’s again, his hands already sliding under Apolo’s towel.

 

 

John lets them sleep in a little the next morning. It’s almost 9 by the time Apolo wakes up, and he drags JR out of bed soon after. They find John sitting at the kitchen counter, sucking back a cup of coffee and reading the paper.

 

“Morning,” JR greets him. He sinks onto the stool across the counter from John, and watches Apolo pour out two more cups of coffee. When he looks back toward the trainer, he finds John leaning on one elbow and watching him intently. “What?” JR asks, perturbed. John smirks a little.

 

“Next time the two of you wanna have a little hanky-panky, do me a favor and warn me first. It’ll give me notice to get out of the house, and give me the chance to pregame you with a Protein boost before I leave. Nutrition is a delicate balance boys… everything must be taken into consideration,” he turns away then, standing from his stool, and walking out of the kitchen. He ignores JR’s slack jaw and Apolo’s spit-take of hot coffee across the counter top.

 

JR laughs so hard he cries.

 

 

 

The trip to California is tentatively planned for the last week of August. But first JR has to call up Wilma. She’s worried as hell about him, but doesn’t yell. All she knows at that point is what the general rumor-mill knows. JR had left the National Team, and taken off for parts unknown with Apolo. So far JR’s friends on the Team had kept what they knew to themselves, quite a feat for them he understands. So he tells her everything. She listens and when he stops talking she takes a deep breath before speaking.

 

“When can you get here? We have limited time to get you back on the ice,” she says. He lets out a sigh of relief.

 

“I’m in Pennsylvania with Apolo’s old trainer, John Schaeffer. He’s trying to get my endurance and nutrition in the right place. He thinks maybe two more weeks of stretching and building my strength back up and it will be time to get me back in my skates,” he pauses, feeling anxious. “Do you think that’s enough time, Wil?” he asks quietly.

 

“With you? Oh, JR, with you anything is possible! Get here soon. I will be ready for you,” she warns. He laughs.

 

“Yes, Ma’am!” he replies.

 

 

 

So Wilma Boomstra is waiting for them when they step off the plane. She hugs them both, and takes them straight to her house to see the family. For JR, being back with Wilma is a bit like being a kid again. She’s always treated him with respect, like he was older than he was, and not some snot nosed little kid. But her trust and encouragement has always been balanced by discipline and the continuous expectation that he work hard and do real work. JR kind of loves her for it. She doesn’t pull any punches. She gets him on the ice that first morning, and makes him skate lap after lap in perfect form. She tells him it’s enough only once he’s completely wrecked. Only once he feels like falling to his knees and begging for mercy. That’s when she calls him off the ice, gives him a hug, and says: “You will be fine, go shower.” JR blinks at her.

 

“I will be fine _eventually_? I will be fine so _stop complaining_? or I will be fine for Sochi, we got this?” he asks. She blinks at him, and smiles brightly.

 

“You will be fine! Shower!” she orders, turning around and walking away. JR shakes his head, ignores Apolo’s inappropriate laughter, and goes to do as ordered.

 

On day two back under Wilma’s care, they try out Jordan’s pad for the first time on the ice. It’s stiff and bulky, and makes JR hyper aware of every shift of his arms or tilt of his back. They strip him out of the top half of skinsuit, to see where it’s hitting him, and Wilma pulls out a sharpie. She makes a bunch of lines across its surface, re-sculpting it to work better on JR’s body. Then she pulls free the Velcro strap and hands it over to Apolo.

 

“Send this back to Malone. It needs to be smaller and lighter,” she orders. Apolo shakes his head.

 

“Wilma it has to protect him or it’s useless!” he argues. She holds it back up against JR’s back again.

 

“It does. Here,” she says pointing to the section she had left unmarked.

 

“It has to protect his left kidney and the healing area on the right. He’s still extremely tender there. If he crashes into the wall, it’s going to hurt!” he replies.

 

“So he will not crash into the wall. He cannot skate with this. We protect his remaining kidney. Pain he can deal with,” she says, slapping the pad back into Apolo’s hands and walking away. JR sighs, turning around to look at Apolo. Apolo, who is staring down at the shape Wilma has sketched onto the back of the pad, and is shaking his head. JR shrugs, used to Wil’s no-nonsense style.

 

“She’s right, Apolo. I can’t skate with it wrapped all the way around like that. I’m too flexible and I have to be able to move,” he says quietly. Apolo sighs.

 

“That doesn’t mean I have to like it,” Apolo replies with a grimace.

 

 

 

JR has only 3 weeks back on the ice before leaving for SLC, Wilma and Apolo in tow. They get to Utah on Monday, just a day before trials are set to start. Stepping into the Olympic Oval is a bit like coming home but also a bit anti-climactic. They’re in the middle of a practice session on the ice. JR checks in like all the other entrants, those not on the National team already. He gets his helmet cover with his number, and goes to watch the National Team out on the ice. It feels completely wrong to NOT be counting himself among them. Even after he’d taken time off after Vancouver, he’d never really officially left the team. He’d come back a year later and been right back where he’d left off. This feels backwards and just _off_. He greets familiar faces, watches Wilma and Apolo both wander off in different directions to greet old friends, and sits watching as the official practice ends. He knows the instant he’s been spotted because Simon can really scream like a girl when he wants too.

 

“Oh My GOD! JR CELSKI!!!!” he squeals, throwing his hand over his heart and swooning back into Travis’s surprised arms. JR laughs in response, shaking his head and blushing red. He gets up to go meet everyone as they come off the ice.

 

They almost all tower over him, standing in their skates and guards, and he gets passed around a bit like a rag doll for hugs and handshakes of welcome. He’s met with beaming smiles and genuine happiness.

 

“You ready for this?” Travis asks, after releasing him from his hug. JR shrugs.

 

“Yeah, I think I’m game. But are you guys ready? I’m not going to pull any punches trying to make the team,” JR warns. Simon laughs.

 

“Good, because we aren’t going to make it easy for you! We got more good skaters than spots on the team, just like always!” he says, most everyone else joining in his laughter. It’s true though, and it makes JR’s insides twist.

 

“Yeah, but none of us have had the benefit of Apolo overseeing every aspect of our training the last few months!” Jordan fires back. JR chuckles. “How is the old man?” Jordan asks. JR rolls his eyes.

 

“Don’t let him overhear you calling him that! He’s running around here somewhere.”

 

“I’m not scared of him, we can skate circles around him right now!” Jordan says laughing. JR shakes his head.

 

“I don’t know. He’s been on the ice a lot lately, and the dude is in shape. If he wasn’t off the USADA testing schedule he could totally try out for and make the team this year!” JR says with a laugh. He’s suddenly so glad to be back. It almost feels like he was never gone.

 

 

 

Tuesday evening is the start of competition. First up is 1000m time trials. JR has to do well. If he isn’t fast enough he won’t qualify to compete in the rest of trials. He comes in 7th. He frowns when he sees the results. He’s used to being much closer to the top than 7th. It grates on him to come in below the top 3. But he reminds himself that Apolo and Wilma had both urged him to take it easy. They didn’t want him wasting his energy just to satisfy his ego. He can live with not being the fastest as long as he makes the team, and preferably gets to skate for an individual medal too. So he ignores the worried glances he gets in the hallway and shakes off the whispered doubts that follow him to the locker room. Things are just getting started and he has a long way to go.

 

It’s several hours later that the 4-lap time trials start. JR pushes harder on this one. This will determine the placements for the heats over the rest of the week. He does better. 3rd. JR hates how tired he is afterward. But Simon, who’s come in 1st, smacks him on the back, gives him a cheesy smile, and says “Good job!” like JR has done something great or extraordinary. It makes JR roll his eyes and realize how stupid he’s being. He goes to shower. He’s inordinately glad to be done for the day.

 

The next day is the start of the _real_ competition. Up first are the qualifying rounds and immediately afterward the finals for the 1500m, and then later that night all of the 500m races. It’s going to be a long day. JR takes it easy at morning practice. He wants to be warmed up but not tired when the competition starts that evening.

 

The long races take the most out of a short track racer, but they’ve always been JR’s specialty. He goes into the qualifying rounds confident and well-rested. John had sent a detailed schedule for what and when to eat and how much prep to do before each race. Apolo makes sure he follows the orders exactly. He stuffs him full of protein and the right balance of carbs and fats at breakfast, and then again at lunch. By the time 7:00pm rolls around he’s pumped up and ready to go. He takes 1st in his heat, and 2nd in the semifinal. Apolo forces a protein shake into his hand as soon as he’s off the ice, and sets him riding slowly on the stationary bike while the women compete. 45 minutes after the start of the night, he’s in his first final. He’s panting, and tired by the time the race is finished, but he skates across the line in 1st place. Apolo and Wilma share worried glances while his back is turned but JR has his game face on. He still has three more races to skate tonight and he is not about to walk away now.

 

The 500m heats start at 8:30pm. JR, knowing what he has left for the night, takes it easy. He strategizes well and takes second in his heat. It’s not ideal, but it gets him into the Semi-finals. That’s when things go horribly wrong. Coming into the second to last turn the skater in front of JR boots out and starts to fall. He takes JR out with him, and JR hits the wall hard. JR’s fallen before since the surgery. But those had seemed to take place in slow motion in comparison to this one. Before, he’d had time to contort his body, to fall correctly and avoiding slamming back first into the wall. This time it happens to fast and he’s not expecting it. There is no time to react. His back, and right side, slam hard into the wall of pads.

 

The pain flares bright and harsh up JR’s back, and he cries out. It’s one short yelp of pain, before he bites the rest back. When the first flash of pain starts to fade from his consciousness, he’s able to struggle back to his feet. He skates across the line in last place, and hunched over with agony. He keeps his head down, ignoring questions of concern from Travis who is in the heat box ready for his own semi race to start. JR heads straight for the locker room. Apolo and Wilma are both there in an instant, his mother and father’s voices echoing up the hall as the door closes between them and him.

 

Apolo has him stripped out of the top of his skinsuit and the back pad within seconds, and JR groans as the two of them start to poke and prod his scarred side. He leans his hands on the high counter in the bathroom, glaring at his own reflection in the mirror, while they talk in quiet half sentences behind him. He’s vaguely aware of Apolo leaving, but Wilma stays, so he doesn’t move. She presses her hand to his side, and he sighs in relief.

 

“Finally something my always cold fingers are good for besides startling people,” she teases. She mimes running her fingers up the back of a warm shirt and manages to get a weak smile out of him. “I told you not to fall, JR,” she says, her tone turning serious. He frowns again, picking up his head too look at her.

 

“I wasn’t paying attention. I was trying to figure out when to make my move. I was in third, and running out of laps. I wasn’t watching his feet...” he trails off slowly, noting her frown. He hangs his head again. She shakes her head at him.

 

“You know better than that,” she replies, but doesn’t lecture him further. She just switches hands to keep cold fingers pressed to the growing bruise on his side. Apolo is back in a few minutes with an ice pack. JR lets out a hiss at the cold pressing against his bare skin but flops forward on the counter going limp across the hard surface, his lower body still balanced precariously on his skates.

 

The door to the main locker room bursts open a moment later. Jordan and Simon head straight for their little corner.  
  


“JR, you ok?” Jordan asks. He sounds scared. JR raises a hand in their direction and groans quietly against the linoleum. Apolo pulls back the ice pack to check the bruising and JR hears both his friends gasp, their horror obvious. He buries his arms in his crossed arms, turning away.

 

“Jesus… JR… is that?” Simon doesn’t finish the question.

 

“Simon, don’t ask stupid questions,” Jordan hisses, tugging him back. He clears his throat quietly. “They advanced you to the final,” Jordan says. JR squeezes his eyes shut and groans again.

 

“Thanks,” Apolo says with sincerity. He presses the ice pack back to JR’s side, and turns his head to look at his two ex-teammates. “Who else made it through?” he asks. JR peeks in the mirror and sees Apolo checking the watch on his wrist for the time, probably mentally calculating how long they have until the final. JR closes his eyes, and lets his mind drift.

 

He hurts. A lot. He has subconsciously been looking forward to going home now, for a hot shower, a heating pad, and maybe a blow job before bed. Now he’s facing another race and he’s not even sure he has the wherewithal to stand up straight right this minute. So he takes a moment to just exist. He’s aware peripherally of Jordan and Simon saying goodbye and turning away. They have their own races to worry about and they know he is in good hands.

 

JR comes back to his head when he feels Apolo’s arm wrapping around his waist, pulling him upright. He hisses in pain, and blinks his eyes open, meeting Apolo’s gaze in the mirror.

 

“You have 20 minutes ‘til the final,” he doesn’t offer JR an out. It’s not up for discussion. JR is expected to race in the final, no matter what. JR’s eyes flick to Wilma sitting to his right. She’s up on the counter, eyebrows drawn together as he looks over the names on the start list. She looks up as if feeling his eyes on her. She looks at him expectantly. He nods, taking a deep breath. He leans back into Apolo’s arms for a moment. And then nods again. He stands upright, ignoring the pain throbbing in his side.

 

“Ok. What does John’s schedule say?” he asks. Apolo’s smile is instantaneous.

 

JR blocks out a lot of the 500m final. He remembers being in pain, but not letting it be a factor. He focuses on his goal. He has to do well. There is no alternative. He tries to keep himself relaxed, to not tense up, and his strategy works. He takes third in the race. Two finals into trials, and he’s placed first and third. That’s a pretty good start. The award ceremonies take place a little while later, and JR plasters a grin on his face and pushes to get through them. He wonders later if he’ll look as pained in the photographs as he feels.

 

He lets Apolo drive him back to the house, takes the longed for hot shower, and then curls up in their bed groaning. Apolo comes in a few minutes later and winces at the bruise already blooming across JR’s back.

 

“Damn… that’s going to hurt for days,” he says. He sits something down on the side table nearest JR, and then gingerly climbs up to sit across JR’s ass. JR bunches his pillow up and rests his chin on it. He lets Apolo prod the area and somehow manages not to pull away. When Apolo reaches for the jar of ointment and starts rubbing a glob of it in, JR focuses on trying not to whimper too much.

 

“You ok?” Apolo asks quietly. JR nods. Then a minute later shakes his head “no.”

 

“I don’t know if I can do this, Apolo. It’s so much harder than it’s supposed to be,” he says. Apolo frowns, putting more ointment on his fingers. He spreads it gently across the worst of the bruising, his fingers moving slowly up the length of the raised scar. Becoming an Olympian was supposed to take hard work. It was not supposed to be easy. Far from it. But Apolo knows JR well enough to understand what he’s really saying. ‘it was supposed to be easier than this… for me.’ JR is a natural. Apolo hadn’t been lying when he’d proclaimed JR their best hope for gold, the best skater on the team. It had been an accurate statement. The past few months had completely derailed their unspoken plan. JR was supposed to win a bunch of world cup medals, qualify for the team, go to Sochi, kick butt, and come home a victor. The surgery, the pain that came after, and all that time off the ice, they’d put everything in jeopardy. Even qualifying for the Olympic Team was no longer a sure thing.

 

“Pain is only temporary,” he says simply. “You’ve worked too hard to get to where you are in your career to give up now. You’re better than that.” JR closes his eyes but stays silent. “Do you ever wish you hadn’t done it?” Apolo asks. His hands slow to a stop and he feels JR’s body tense under his. When JR moves to turn over, Apolo pushes himself up and lets him rotate over onto his back. Apolo’s eyes focus on JR’s face. His forehead is creased with emotion, his eyebrows drawn together.

 

“Of course I don’t,” JR says quietly. “You know how good Sarah is doing. You hear from her just as often as I do. She’s so much healthier. She’s even back in regular school!” JR’s face breaks into a smile and Apolo grins back instinctively. “How could I possibly regret a thing?”

 

“I know all that,” the smile drops away from Apolo’s face. “But that doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to be selfish, here when it’s just the two of us. You might regret it, even if only a little bit. It would only be natural,” Apolo trails off then. JR frowns a little. He closes his eyes. Apolo waits, shifting backward to rest his weight on JR’s thighs. He keeps his hands to himself.

 

“The last few months have been like a rollercoaster ride,” JR starts. His voice is low, contemplative, and he looks up at Apolo with a serious expression on his face and in his eyes. “We’ve both been through a lot. Even now, two months after surgery, I’m still not healed. Not completely. I’ve lost my spot on the team, been away from both my friends and my family. I’ve spent more time in doctor’s offices and hospital beds than I’d have ever wanted too, and felt more physical pain than at any other time in my life, except for one notable exception.” The time he’s talking about is so obvious that JR doesn’t even feel the need to mention it specifically. “But through it all there have been two constants. You and me, and Sarah,” he explains. He pauses, looking at Apolo a little beseechingly and takes a deep breath before continuing.

 

“I know we don’t talk about the future, or make long term plans. That’s just not who we are. It’s like we’re both preprogrammed to think of our lives in 4 year blocks of time. Anything more distant than that is too hard to imagine. But you’ve been here when I needed you the most, and I feel closer to you than ever before. And Sarah… I did this for her. You could have done it. A stranger could have done it. But I knew, we all knew, that I was the best choice, and I’ve never for a second forgotten that.” He stops then, his eyes tracking away from Apolo’s face. “No, I don’t regret it, not even a little bit.” He takes a deep breath, meeting Apolo’s gaze again, and Apolo can read the truth there. “She’s doing so well, and I love her so much. I feel like my family has expanded by another 4 people, in the past few months. If I don’t get to Sochi than I’ll try for 2018.” He shrugs his shoulders. “Being with you, and meeting them, I think it’s a fair trade off if that’s what it comes too.”

 

“You’d be ok, not making the team?” Apolo asks. JR smirks.

 

“I wouldn’t say okaaay,” he rolls his eyes and Apolo laughs at him. “It wouldn’t be the end of the world, and I can’t imagine ever regretting this whole thing. I’d be pissed I didn’t get to go. I’d be disappointed. But I wouldn’t change anything about the past two months,” he explains. “I just have to push harder.” 

 

“You can do it,” Apolo says.

 

“You think?” JR asks. Apolo nods.

 

“I’m sure of it. There’s no racing tomorrow. Just a morning practice and an evening one. Both are optional. I think you should rest. You know this ice. You know the other racers. Save your strength for Friday.”

 

 

 

JR does just that. Wilma calls in the morning to tell him she doesn’t want him coming in, so he grunts into the receiver and hands the phone over to Apolo, before rolling over to go back to sleep. Apolo wakes him up around noon, with hot food, and an ice pack for his back. JR’s not surprised when a bunch of the team knocks on the front door shortly thereafter. They pass the afternoon cocooned on the couch, and on the floor of the living room watching movies and playing various video games.

 

He spends the evening with his parents and Yuki, who have kept their distance so as to not distract him. With no races that evening, he is more than happy to let them take over the house. Yuki goes around cleaning up and tutting at the two of them, while insisting they sit down and relax. Sue and Bob take over the kitchen and barbeque respectively and JR barely sees them until dinner is done and on the table.

 

The food is delicious, nutritious, and they spend the meal laughing, talking, and NOT mentioning his fall the evening before. JR and Apolo go to bed early, and JR wakes up for morning practice still sore, but more rejuvenated than he’s felt in weeks. It’s like his time with friends and family, and the discussion with Apolo have cleared out his head. He’s not worried about making the team anymore. That’s suddenly not what any of this is about. He wants to prove himself to himself. Prove that even in pain and having spent all that time off of the ice, he can still be one of the best.

 

It’s with that in mind that he heads to the rink. Apolo seems to sense the change, and they barely talk over breakfast. When they get to the rink, Wilma is waiting for them, and she orders him out onto the ice.

 

He’s sore and it hurts to bend down into skating position, but the pain is tolerable. Wilma has him warm up, work on some speed, and then warm down. She doesn’t want him exhausting himself, or risking another fall. Apolo, strangely, spends a good part of the morning on and off his cellphone. It reminds JR of the wheeling-and-dealing-Apolo of a few years past, back before he’d returned to SLC to be a coach and to woo JR full-time. The second goal had, honestly, been fairly easy in retrospect.

 

They leave the rink for a few hours around midday, and when they come back two hours before the first heat of the evening, JR is shocked by who is waiting for them in the lobby.

 

“JR!” Sarah shouts, breaking away from her parents and running full speed across the entrance to the Oval. Apolo grabs his skates out of his hands just in time for him to catch her as she flings herself at him. The smile on his face is immediate. His arms go around her, lifting her into a hug, her arms clamping around his neck tightly. The tears are instant but JR fights not to let them break free. He squeezes his eyes closed and twirls her around, listening to her laugh in his ear. He swallows thickly, and looks over her shoulder as Judy and Michael approach. Ben, he notes, is already climbing Apolo like a monkey. He smiles at them, sees the emotions playing across both parents faces.

 

“Hey,” he says with a smile. He wipes at his eyes quickly while Sarah’s head is still buried in his shoulder, and then pulls back to look at her face. She grins at him, cheeks pink and bright. She’s radiating health, and he hugs her to him again. “What are you doing here!?” he asks. He directs the question at Michael and Judy, whose pregnancy, he notices suddenly, is visibly showing. Sarah is the one who answers.

 

“You didn’t think we would miss this?” she asks. She shakes her head at him looking stern, and he sets her reluctantly down, laughing all the while.

 

“I knew you’d want to be here, but you have school,” he replies. He hugs Judy, shakes Michael’s hand, and then pries Ben off of Apolo long enough to hug him. As soon as he lets the 4 year old go, he’s wrapped around Apolo again. JR shakes his hand, and squeezes Sarah’s hand when she sticks it into his.

 

“I’m only missing today. It’s why we weren’t here earlier. Mommy and Daddy said you were worth it, and when my teacher found out we were coming to see you, she said she totally understood, and gave me all my homework to do while we are gone,” here she makes a face, and JR fights not to laugh again.

 

“I’m sure you won’t have any trouble at all working on it. I bet Apolo will help you with your Math if you ask nicely,” JR says. Her eyes light up and she lets go of his hand to hug Apolo around the waist.

 

“Oh would you Uncle Apolo!?” she asks. He nods, Ben finally letting go enough for him to bend down and hug her hello.

 

“Of course I would,” he says softly. He reaches out to shake Michael’s hand. “I’m glad you could make it out. When the flight was delayed I worried you would miss the first races!” he says. JR’s jaw drops.

 

“You know they were coming!?” he asks and suddenly Apolo’s preoccupation with his cellphone earlier in the day makes a lot more sense. Apolo just smiles at him.

 

“Judy, you’re like glowing,” he says reaching out to hug her. She blushes, but her grin is huge. She hugs him back smiling at JR over his shoulder.

 

“Thank you. I’m so glad we got to come. I’ve always wanted to see some short track up close and personal.” JR laughs.

 

“You’re in for a real treat. Come on, I’ll smuggle you into the section where all my supporters sit. You’ll be in a sea of Just Rocks T-shirts,” JR says.

 

“Good! We’ll fit right in!” Judy laughs, pulling open her sweater to show off the garishly bright yellow shirt, stretched over her baby bump. Sarah giggles unzipping her hoody to show hers off too. Even Michael reveals one under his coat. JR’s laughter echoes throughout the Oval lobby.

 

JR introduces the Hendricks’ to his parents, sees his mother tear up as she hugs Sarah. Then watches Sarah climb up to sit next to Yuki, who she calls Sofu, Japanese for grandpa. Yuki startles in reaction but grins at her.

 

“Sofu?” he says. “Where did you learn that?”  Sarah blinks at him.

 

“The internet. Why? Did I say it wrong?” she asks, her eyes filling with tears. Yuki hugs her to his side.

 

“No No! You said it perfect!” he replies making her smile. It’s suddenly like a big family reunion right there in the stands. JR stays for as long as he can, before waving goodbye and leaving to go get ready, Apolo trailing reluctantly behind.

 

“You ok?” JR asks as they head downstairs, showing their passes to security. Apolo shrugs.

 

“It’s a lot to get used to,” he says. JR frowns.

 

“What is?” he asks. Apolo smiles a small smile.

 

“Having a family.”

 

 

 

Racing starts around 7 pm. The stands are packed. It’s Friday night and SLC has turned out for the competition. As always the Ladies race first, alternating back and forth with the men. The 1000m heats are followed by the semis and then the finals. By 8:30 the finals are over. Kyle U takes the men’s top honors, with Jordan in second. JR finishes a respectable 3rd. He’s not disappointed with his showing. He’s going for points. He wants to qualify for the games. And his eye is on the race he loves the most, the 1500m, and that’s up next.

 

While the women line up for the first ladies heat, JR sits on the stationary bike, just behind the bleachers, with his ipod on and his eyes focused completely on the ugly blue curtains cornering off the area. He looks up when Jimmy steps into view. Unplugging his ears, he waits for his former coach to speak. It takes a minute but Jimmy smiles hesitantly at him.

 

“JR, I am glad you’re back. I know you probably had figured this out, but I didn’t want to remove you from the team. I was outvoted. I know I should have done more, but I want you to know that I am proud of you. You did the right thing. I just wish things could have been different.” He pauses, and JR doesn’t know what to say. “I know you are going to qualify. You already have almost enough points to ensure you go. I just want you to know that your place on this team will be waiting for you whenever you decide to return. Whether that is next week, or next month. I know you are not yet fully recovered. But your spot is yours when you are ready for it.” JR nods.

 

“Jae Su…” he starts but Jimmy shakes his head.

 

“I went over Jae Su’s head. It won’t be a problem. Spend time with your family. Get healed, rest your injury, and then come back here so we can start team building. Get you ready for the relays. We’re going to need you.” He nods as if to finalize the decision, and turns around and walks away. JR watches him go, his feet still pedaling on autopilot. Apolo’s touch to his shoulder makes him jump and then wince. Apolo looks at him in concern.

 

“You ok? What was that all about?” Apolo asks. He presses something delightfully hot to JR’s back and he moans a little, making Apolo grin, before answering

 

“Jimmy. He wanted me to know I was welcome back when I was ready. And that he believes I’ll definitely make the team.” JR hears Apolo choke back a laugh.

 

“Of course you will. Especially when you go out there and win the 1500. Win this, and if you place top ten in the two races tomorrow you’ll qualify,” Apolo explains. JR nods taking a deep breath. He reaches over, turning Apolo’s watch toward him to read the time.

 

“Five minutes. I should get to the heat box. Start getting my skates on,” he says. Apolo smiles, taking the hot pack off of JR’s back.

 

“Well hop to it,” he says. He holds out a hand for JR’s ipod, and JR gives it over, climbing off the stationary bicycle. He bounces in place, but doesn’t turn to leave. “What’s wrong?” Apolo asks. JR twitches, looking nervous.

 

“I don’t want to disappoint Sarah, or my parents, or you. What if I don’t win?” he asks. Apolo steps closer, but he doesn’t touch JR. This is a work setting, it would be inappropriate, and they have rules with each other when in public.

 

“If you don’t win, then you don’t win. It won’t be the end of the world, and no one will be disappointed in you. But you can win. You have it in you. So go prove it.”

 

 

 

JR wins his heat, takes second in his semifinal. And before he knows it he is stepping onto the ice for the 1500 final. JR skates to the line, takes his place in the outside lane. “It’s just a race. It’s just a race.” He repeats the words over and over again under his breath, his lips barely moving. He plants his right foot slightly back, digs the front of his left blade into the ice, and bends down into start position.

 

He waits for the starter gun, and when it sounds he pushes off in a flash. But the starter gun fires again, false start. He stops himself, slowly turning on the ice as John-Henry is cited for the false start. They all take their time skating back around to the starting line. He hears his name being shouted and looks up instinctively. Sarah is standing on a seat, between each of her parents, jumping up and down. The sight of her makes him laugh, and he skates back to the line with a smile on his face. The brief bout of mirth relaxes him. His mind seems suddenly wonderfully clear and focused. This time when the starter gun fires he leaps off the line fighting to get a good position going into the first turn. He makes it into second, behind Kyle Carr. He likes the guy but he’s not about to let Kyle run away with this. He waits a full lap, before finding the perfect opportunity. Kyle takes the turn tight, as he always does, and JR anticipating it, takes the turn wide. He flies around the Kyle as they enter the straight, and JR pours on the speed taking the lead. He pushes hard pulling ahead. He hears Kyle curse softly behind him, but ignores it, pushing further ahead and putting more and more distance between himself and the pack.

 

He skates across the finish lane almost half a lap ahead of the competition, taking first.

 

JR steps off the ice feeling like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. He’s practically qualified, and definitely assured himself a spot skating the 1500 for the USA in Sochi if he goes. He feels energized, like he could go out and skate it again right now and go even faster than before.

 

It’s late by the time the awards ceremony for the night is over. JR says goodnight to everyone, handing out hugs and kisses and handshakes, before sending everyone off to their hotels. Apolo makes him eat a hardboiled egg and some cold chicken on the ride home and then fixes him a hot meal when they get there. JR’s feeling sleepy by then, but Apolo takes him to the gym instead of letting him go to bed.

 

“You need to sit in the heat for at least a little while, JR. Don’t make me play the bad-cop here,” Apolo says, dragging him inside.

 

He then proceeds to strip JR down to his underwear, and then push him inside the already pre-heated sauna, closing the door on his grumblings. JR glares at him for a minute through the window, before collapsing back onto the bench seat and yawning. When he opens his eyes a few seconds later Apolo is gone.

 

When Apolo returns ten minutes later, he finds JR slumped against the rear wall of the sauna, head leaning back to rest in the corner, and arms crossed over his chest, asleep. Apolo shakes his head, laughing in exasperation.

 

“Wake up, sleepy head. Shower and bed,” he says, running a hand through JR’s hair. JR groans stretching and waking up slowly He blinks at Apolo blearily.

 

“I’m tired,” he says. Apolo nods.

 

“I can see that. Come on, I’ll even scrub your back for you,” he offers, hauling JR to his feet. The walk to their bedroom seems to wake JR up and he’s all smiles when they make it to the attached bathroom. He yanks Apolo into the bathroom with him, not giving him a chance to leave. JR turns pressing Apolo back against the sink, then he presses close, arms going around Apolo’s waist. Apolo smiles at him.

 

“Shower?” he asks, pushing the hair back off of JR’s forehead. He drapes his arm over JR’s shoulders, enjoying the closeness. JR shakes his head.

 

“Maybe in a minute,” he whispers, pressing his forehead to Apolo’s. “Kiss me, first,” he says softly. With those simple words the entire vibe between them changes. Apolo gasps, pressing his mouth to JR’s instantly. The kiss is intense, heated from the first second. The hands around Apolo’s waist spring into action gripping his t-shirt and pulling it free from the waistband of his jeans, working their way around to the front. Apolo’s arms slide around JR, tugging him closer.

 

JR’s not wearing much, just his boxers, the rest of his clothes still lying in a pile by the sauna, so there is plenty of smooth skin to touch. He makes a mental note to get the clothes picked up later, and focuses again on JR. His hands seem fascinated by the arch of JR’s spine, and settle there for a minute, only pulling away when JR yanks them up to remove Apolo’s t-shirt. It’s stripped off in seconds, and JR wastes no time moving on to the buckle of Apolo’s belt, his mouth sucking at Apolo’s chin, and moving eagerly down his throat. Apolo pants for air, moaning when JR’s hand closes on his crotch briefly before going for the zipper.  Apolo’s hands are drawn to JR like magnets, and he doesn’t fight the pull. He slides his hands down JR’s sides, being careful of his bruising, to push at the waist of his boxers. Apolo slides his fingers under the band, just as JR laughs in triumph, and pushes Apolo’s jeans down off his hips. He pulls away from Apolo’s hands, bending down to push the jeans and underwear down to Apolo’s ankles.

 

Apolo’s left standing with his bare ass pressed to the edge of the counter, his hands clutching at empty air, and his hard on hanging free for JR’s gaze. JR grins and stands back up, his face contorting with pain at the movement.

 

“Shit,” he hisses, pressing his right hand to his back. Apolo tugs him closer by the hips.

 

“It’s ok. We shouldn’t be doing this anyway. You need to rest for tomorrow,” he says. JR shakes his head.

 

“I disagree. This is exactly what I need,” he says, sliding his arms around Apolo’s waist. Apolo makes a face.

 

“How do you figure that?” he asks. JR smiles.

 

“I won today,” he explains. Apolo raises an eyebrow in confusion.

 

“I saw. We’re all very proud. What does that have to do with anything?” JR lets him go, sighing in exasperation. He steps over to the shower, opening the door and reaching inside to turn on the water. He wants it warm, not hot. He turns back to Apolo and rolls his eyes. He pushes his boxers down off his hips, kicking them off, and ignoring the way Apolo automatically stoops to pick them up and drop them in the hamper, his own clothes following right behind. JR waits for him to be done, then takes him by the hand and pulls him into the shower. He ducks his under the spray, listening as Apolo closes the door firmly behind them. When he pulls his head out of the water, and Apolo’s there with the shampoo bottle in hand, waiting. He pours some into JR’s hand, and sets the bottle down on the shelf. JR immediately starts to rub it in to his wet hair.

 

“As I was saying earlier. I won today. And I won because I was relaxed. I was so tense stepping out onto the ice. But seeing everyone cheering, and laughing at how excited Sarah was… it relaxed me. It silenced my head. That’s never been easy for me, Apolo. But it happened today when I needed it too the most. So I’ve decided to try and be as relaxed as possible before every race from now on. What relaxes me most, Apolo?” he asks, stepping closer to Apolo in the small space, and wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. Apolo laughs, shaking his head.

 

“Nice try, but no,” he pushes JR back under the water, rinsing his hair clean of shampoo and effectively silencing him. JR sputters when he emerges, but doesn’t do more than glare at him and let himself be maneuvered into the back of the shower. He wipes the water out of his eyes, and watches Apolo duck under the spray. He searches the shelf for Apolo’s bottle of shampoo and has it ready for him a few seconds later. He waits until Apolo is scrubbing it into his hair to step closer again. He picks up a washcloth and soaps it up, starting to scrub down his own chest and arms.

 

“I’m trying to give you free orgasms. You’d think you’d be more down with this idea,” JR says. Apolo rolls his eyes leaning his head back to rinse again. JR moves the washcloth to Apolo’s chest scrubbing him down while he runs his hands through his hair. Apolo steps forward, away from the water, and presses JR backward into the wall of the shower. He catches JR’s arms, pulling them down from between them, letting their fronts press together, all wet and soapy. He lets JR’s hands go, and reaches up to grip him by the shoulders. JR stares at him, his eyes wide and dilated, and his mouth open in arousal. Apolo slides one of his hands up over JR’s shoulder and neck, to thread through the hair on the back of his head. He leans forward, moving his lips almost right up against JR’s, but not close enough to touch.

 

“We both know nothing in this world is free. There are no free meals. And there are no free orgasms,” he says softly, moving away. He pries the wash cloth out of JR’s clenched hand, and takes over. “Now turn around so I can do your back,” he orders. JR does as ordered, turning to face the wall, and bracing his arms there. He leans his head against his crossed wrists and sighs.

 

“I’m not asking you to fuck me, you know. I just wanted to get off so I could sleep easier,” he says, trying not to whine. His erection starts to flag, and suddenly he’s feeling exhausted and sore. Apolo washes his back, being careful of the bruises.

 

“I don’t think you’re going to have any problems going to sleep, JR. You’re practically half asleep standing up,” Apolo teases. JR sighs, but doesn’t argue.

 

 

They finish their shower and dry off in near silence. JR plops down on the side of the bed, scrubbing at his hair. Apolo tosses him a pair of shorts, before disappearing out the bedroom door. He’s back a few minutes later, his arms full of JR’s clothes from earlier. JR rolls his eyes in amusement and climbs under the covers. Apolo ignores him, going through his bedtime routine, of checking the locks and straightening their messes before coming to bed. When he’s done setting the security system, and turning out all the lights, he returns to their room to find JR spread out across the bed asleep. Apolo laughs quietly in amusement and climbs in beside him. He turns out the light, and then presses closer to feel JR’s warmth.

 

“Told you, you’d sleep fine,” he says quietly. JR doesn’t stir. Apolo smiles again. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise,” he whispers, before closing his eyes and going to sleep.

 

 

 

JR wakes up the next morning with a tight feeling in his stomach and feeling sore all over. He’s grouchy all day, and apologizes twice for snapping at Apolo before they even get out of the house for AM practice. He skates slow and stiff all morning. Jordan accuses him of being sore from certain adult activities the night before, and JR glares silently until Jordan catches a hint and slowly backs away. 

 

Things seem to get a bit better mid-afternoon, when they get to go to the hotel to hang out with all the family currently in town. JR spends the entire time they’re there, sitting on the couch with Sarah curled up next to him helping her with her writing homework. They’re righting an essay entitled “Why short track is awesome!”

 

They eat an early dinner with the family at the hotel restaurant. JR is unnaturally quiet picking at his dinner. He only starts to really eat with his mother shoots him a look and threatens to give him a lecture about proper nutrition before a race. The look on her face says she’ll do it too, and it gets the first genuine laugh out of JR all day.

 

His parents wish him luck and tell him goodbye before heading back upstairs to their room to change and prepare to head over for the races. Michael and Judy do the same, pulling a sleepy Ben and a very excited Sarah back to the elevators to go get ready to leave.

 

JR walks back to the car with Apolo aimlessly, with little of his usual commentary or conversation. Once they’re both inside and buckled up, Apolo turns to look at him in concern.

 

“What?” JR asks. Apolo sighs.

 

“Why are you being so weird?” he asks. “It’s not because of last night is it?” JR can’t help but smirk.

 

“No, I understand why you said no. I just woke up in a bad mood today. That happens sometimes,” he answers. Apolo frowns. 

 

“Where’s your head at? Think you’ll be focused enough to race?” Apolo asks. JR fights the urge to rolls his eyes. He takes a deep breath.

 

“I’ll be fine,” he says. “It’s racing. I always pull it together for races.” Apolo nods, but the concern still creases his forehead, and he still looks worried. “Apolo, I’ll be ok!” Apolo doesn’t reply, he just puts the car in reverse and heads toward the highway. 

 

 

 

JR does ok in the 500 heats. He skates across the finish in 2nd and advances to the semis. Half an hour later he’s back on the ice, but again he takes second, almost getting passed in the last turn. He steps off the ice frowning and when Apolo catches his eyes he shakes head, shrugging his shoulders. His head is a mess. He sits down in the heat box, to take his skates off, and glances over once to see Apolo talking to Wilma. She’s waving her arms around, and pointing to her head, and then over in JR’s direction. Apolo’s frowning and nodding. He finally reaches out and puts his hands on her shoulders. She stops talking and listens to him for a minute. He pats her on the shoulder and she nods. He drops his hands and she shoos him off in JR’s direction, before turning and walking away. JR sighs, pulling on his tennis shoes, and drying his blades with a rag.

 

Apolo reaches him a few minutes later.

 

“Come on, walk with me,” he says, hands in his pockets. JR stands up and follows him away from the ice, helmet and skates in hand. As soon as they’re away from prying ears JR stops walking.

 

“I don’t know what’s wrong. My brain just won’t stop!” Apolo stops walking and turns around to look at him.

 

“What’s happening inside that hard head of yours? What is bouncing around in there when you are out on the ice?” Apolo asks. JR sighs.

 

“That I’m not good enough. That I’m going to fall again, or I’ll make a bad move and get DQ’d. I’m wondering if my back will EVER stop hurting or if it’s just going to be like this forever. I’m worrying about disappointing everyone. I know we talked about this the other night. I know that no one would hold it against me if I didn’t qualify to go. But I would be disappointed. You know what this means to me. You’ve been there, Apolo. I don’t want to screw it up for myself.” The words flow out in rapid fire, like there’s been a huge pressure keeping them down, and they’ve finally burst through. Apolo steps closer and grips him by the shoulder.

 

“Come to my office,” he says. Then he turns and walks away, leaving JR standing in the middle of the hallway, watching him leave. Apolo walks further down the hallway, pulling keys from his pocket and opening the door to his office. JR sighs, he hates that office. But he follows Apolo down the hall and steps inside, turning to watch him close the door and flip on the lights. Apolo points to the couch, and JR sits obediently, setting down his gear on Apolo’s desk. Apolo comes over and sits on the coffee table in front of him. He reaches forward to grip JR’s knees. 

 

“Ok here is what we’re going to do. You’re going to forget about the Olympics. They’re a non-entity. They mean nothing. Not today. Not when you step out on the ice in 32 minutes. When you go out there this race is all that matters. Get it?” he asks. JR slumps back against the couch.

 

“I can’t just convince myself of that, Apolo,” he says.

 

“Sure you can. Because it’s true. You made it into the final. As long as you aren’t DQ’d you’ll have enough points to qualify for the games. Period. It’s practically a done deal. So stop stressing about it. It’s no longer a factor. Instead this is about you proving something to yourself.” 

 

“You’re serious?” JR asks. Apolo nods, a smile splitting his face.

 

“Yes, not that I had any doubts,” he says.

 

JR laughs, flinging himself toward Apolo. Apolo catches him, yanking him close, and Apolo grins when JR’s mouth crashes into his own. JR ends up straddling Apolo on the coffee table, arms and legs wrapped around Apolo and holding him tight. Their mouths crash against each other, lips moving, and tongues tangling. After a few minutes of squirming and kissing, they break for air. Apolo pulls his head back a few inches, eyes focusing on JR’s mouth. It’s wet and red, open and panting for oxygen. Apolo kind of wants to lick his way back inside immediately, but suddenly he has a better idea. His hands slide up JR’s back, and then around to his collar. The zipper is already half undone, JR always yanked it down first thing after a race, and Apolo’s fingers meet the warm smooth skin of JR’s bare throat, his neck guard already gone. JR makes a whining sound low in his throat, trying to tug Apolo’s mouth back to his. The sound rumbles against Apolo’s fingers and Apolo gives in. It hurts deep down inside, to ignore that sound coming from JR. It’s like his body has been reprogrammed to respond to it, like an instinctive primal reaction. He presses his mouth to JR again, his fingers finding the zip to JR’s skinsuit and pulling it down to JR’s waist. Then he starts peeling the suit away, down JR’s shoulders, and off his arms, to pool at his hips. JR cooperates, tugging his hands from the sleeves, and pressing closer, his newly freed hands going into Apolo’s hair, and under his sweatshirt respectively. Apolo gasps, feeling short nails scratching across his scalp, and cold fingers pressing to his bare back. JR laughs, breaking the kiss and grinding his hips against Apolo’s.

 

“I’m going to the Olympics,” he whispers, panting after every other word. The delight in his voice makes Apolo giddy in response.

 

“Yes, yes you are,” he whispers back, his forehead pressed to JR’s, heat and sweat building between them.

 

“Apolo..” JR moans, his hips pressing down into Apolo’s. “Jesus, you have to fuck me,” he pleads. Apolo sucks in a quick sharp breath, his hands clutching at JR’s ass and hip respectively.

 

“I want too,” he breathes. JR grins, rocking against him.

 

“Do it,” JR urges, “we can be fast. Just… please!” and Apolo knows he shouldn’t. That it’s monumentally stupid, but it’s JR, and they both want it so badly. Apolo nods, hands scrambling for purchase. He lifts JR up, intending to deposit him on the couch. Instead he ends up sprawled across him when JR refuses to uncurl his legs from around Apolo’s waist. JR laughs at the shocked look on Apolo’s face. But Apolo just rolls his eyes, pulling away just enough to tug his sweatshirt up and off. He tosses it behind him, somewhere on the floor of his office, and turns his attention back to JR.

 

“This will have to be quick,” he warns, pressing a sucking kiss to JR’s jaw. JR nods, letting his head fall back to expose his throat. Apolo follows the unspoken  suggestion kissing down the length of JR’s neck, and mouthing his collarbone.

 

“We’ve done quick before. Less talkin’ more sex,” JR mumbles, tugging Apolo’s mouth back up to his own. Apolo smiles against his lips and their teeth click together, but neither seems to care.

 

The next time they break for air, it’s to finish undressing. Apolo’s hands push at JR’s skinsuit, tugging it down over JR’s hips and ass to rest stretched between his spread thighs. JR’s hands go to Apolo’s jeans, unbuttoning and unzipping the denim material in short order. It seems like seconds later he has Apolo’s dick out of his underwear, and exposed to the cold air of the office. Apolo hisses, pressing his hips into JR’s stroking hands. JR shifts against him, rolling his hips and grunting. Apolo bites back a moan, and tears at the Velcro keeping JR’s back pad in place. It slides to the grown beside the couch, and Apolo’s hands roam across the newly bared skin. JR wiggles again encouragingly, his hands tightening around Apolo’s dick, and Apolo breaks the kiss.

 

“Turn over,” he orders. JR’s breath hitches, but he releases Apolo’s dick, and lets his knees slide down from around Apolo’s hips. Apolo presses up to hover over him, giving JR just enough room to roll over beneath him. He presses forward into the corner of the couch, his hands wrapping around the back cushion, and his sweaty forehead falling to rest against the white cinderblock wall. Apolo presses up against his back, warming him from behind. Apolo’s arms pull him back, away from the wall and JR groans at the heat of Apolo’s body touching all along his. Apolo grunts, bending to the side, drawing JR’s attention. He pushes his bangs out of his eyes, and watches Apolo slide one hand into the crevice of the couch where the back meets the seat.

 

“Apolo?” he questions. Apolo lets out a huff of triumph, pulling his hand free, clutching a tube of lube. JR blinks in wonder, as Apolo flips open the top and starts to wet his fingers. “You keep lube in the couch?” he asks. Apolo nods, reaching down to slide two wet fingers inside of JR’s ass.

 

“Yes,” Apolo says like this is a perfectly normal occurrence.

 

“Why?” JR says, gasping, and shuddering at the jolt of fingers sliding perfectly across his prostate. Apolo chuckles, pressing close again and whispering, voice hot and low right in JR’s ear.

 

“Isn’t that obvious?” Apolo asks, twisting his fingers just the way he knows JR loves it. JR groans, sinking back onto the fingers, and giving no other verbal response. “Thought so,” Apolo says.

 

It doesn’t take long to get JR ready, and soon Apolo is pressing his dick deep inside him. JR clutches at the cushions again, his head falling backward to land with a thump on Apolo’s shoulder.  He makes an inarticulate sound, and Apolo grins, burying his face in the side of JR’s throat.

 

“Come on now. Don’t make me do all the work. We’re on kind of a time crunch here,” he says, licking up the sweat collecting in the dip of JR’s collarbone. JR groans but picks his head up. He takes a second to savor the moment. He’s balanced on his knees, half in Apolo’s lap, on the couch in Apolo’s office at the Utah Olympic Oval. It’s the middle of the evening, between races even, he’s practically made the Olympic team, and he’s got Apolo so far up inside his ass he can practically feel his heartbeat. He smiles at the lunacy of the moment, and shakes his head. Apolo’s right, they only have a few minutes so they have to make them count.

 

He grips the back of the couch, and spreads his knees, sinking just that much lower on to Apolo’s dick, squeezing around it. He feels a little thrill at the inarticulate sound the action produces in Apolo’s throat, glad to know he can still surprise the older man. He doesn’t however wait for Apolo to regain the ability to speak. He presses up with his thighs, relishing the slight burn in the tired abused muscles, and pushes up away from Apolo’s lap. Apolo’s hands tighten on his hips, and JR obeys the silent command, dropping back down. They both groan, and JR lets out a soft laugh. He’s wanted this for days. He reaches back with one hand, and threads his gingers in Apolo’s hair. He feels Apolo’s mouth pressing tightly to his neck again, sucking at the spot where it joins his shoulder. He prays there won’t be a hickey there by the time they’re done, just waiting for one of the guys to notice it.

 

Thoughts of his teammates quickly flee JR’s head, and he starts to move in earnest. He picks up the pace, the clock in his head ticking the seconds away one at a time. Apolo slides one arm around JR’s waist, keeping him close, but giving him just enough room to move. He picks up a counter rhythm, pressing his hips up into each downward move JR makes, to give each reentry of his dick that much more thrust and power. JR cries out, when the angle hits just right, and Apolo smiles into the skin of JR’s shoulder.

 

“JR,” he breathes, sliding his second hand up and around JR’s hip to rest low on his flat abdomen. JR groans, his breath hitching in his chest. Apolo reaches further down to catch JR’s erection, loving the hard solid weight of it in his hand. JR’s dick is wet, hot, and leaking. Apolo grips it gently, and he can tell from just the feel of it, and from the only half-conscious little whining sound JR is making that he’s close. Apolo presses up, shifting their weight. JR flails in confusion, and catches himself on the back of the couch, just in time to brace his weight there. Apolo tightens his grip on JR’s dick, but pulls the arm from around his waist free. Kneeling up straighter on the edge of the couch, he takes control.

 

JR can do nothing but hold on and cry out as loudly as he dares, as Apolo starts to thrust with long hard fast strokes. JR locks his arms, pressing back into each welcome push, and let’s himself just feel. It’s only a minute later that the pleasure building inside of JR becomes too much and explodes. He cries out, going tense around and under Apolo, clenching around his dick, and coming across the back of the couch. Apolo has one brief blindingly clear thought about how glad he is he has a leather couch, before his own pleasure spikes and he comes too, following JR over the edge. He keeps thrusting through the orgasm, but each push gets slower and softer as he comes down off the high of orgasm, and his starts to soften.

 

They sit on the couch, pressed together, and panting for air. JR sighs, his eyes closing and a smile spreading across his face.

 

“Now,” Apolo says with a smirk, “if that didn’t relax you enough to win, then there is nothing else that I can do!” JR’s laughter shakes them both.

 

Apolo watches JR get redressed and when he leaves, Apolo is left to try, unsuccessfully, to ignore the loose swagger in JR’s retreating hips.

 

JR wins the 500m final. He’s so relaxed that he goes on to win his 1000m heat, semi, and eventually he comes in second to Jordan in the final. Apolo’s fairly sure he could have won that too, but Jordan’s winning gave him enough points to secure a spot on the team, and besides, JR didn’t want to race every single distance in Sochi.

 

The last race is followed by the awards ceremony, and the first official pictures of the new USA Short Track Olympic Team. JR is joined by Simon, Jordan, Kyle U and Kyle C to represent the men. It’s an experienced team, but JR knows that he’s going to miss Travis, that it won’t be the same without him this time. Travis however, just greets them with a grin and a shrug of the shoulders. Besides he’s too busy cheering for Aly who was the ladies high point winner for Olympic Trials. He’s so happy for her he has no time to be disappointed for himself.

 

JR’s never seen a more excited group of people in his life than his family and friends. It’s late when Trials are over, after 11 by the time everything is said and done. Ben is asleep, too young to understand what is going on, but everyone else is practically vibrating with joy. It sort of makes up for the last time he made the team and they found out while he was sitting in a hospital bed, hopped up on pain meds.

 

This time his parents take him to a local restaurant, and they take over a quiet corner. Many hugs are given, and pictures taken. JR eats his fill of spaghetti and meatballs and garlic bread. He splits an ice cream sundae with Sarah, who’s so excited she doesn’t even seem to notice how late it is. It’s around 12:30 that the adrenaline rush clashes with the sugar rush and JR ends up passing out in the corner of the booth with his head resting against the wall. Sarah follows quickly, blonde head resting on his shoulder. Yuki notices first, and quietly alerts everyone else.

 

“My poor, JR. He’s been through so much this week, this whole year. He must be exhausted,” Sue says quietly. She looks sympathetically at JR, where he’s sleeping in the corner, and turning smiles at Apolo. “Let him get some sleep tomorrow, Apolo, before you start getting him ready for the World Cups. He needs a break,” she suggests. Apolo nods.

 

“I already planned for that. I’m taking him some place warm for a solid week. Some place tropical. Some swimming, some touristy things, maybe some sand dune climbing and stair jumps, the usual. Rest and relaxation balanced with work. Then back here to start back with the team. Jimmy told him to come back when he was ready. I think he will be by then.” Bob nods.

 

“We know you’ll take good care of him. Have him call us in the morning?” he asks. Apolo nods.

 

“Might have to be in the afternoon,” Apolo counters. Bob’s laugh lights up his whole face.

 

“You need help getting him to the car?” he asks standing up and pulling on his coat. Sue follows his lead. Apolo shakes his head.

 

“I think we’ll be fine. Talk to you tomorrow.” Apolo watches Sue kiss JR’s forehead, before the two of them leave. Apolo turns his smile to his brother and sister-in-law. Ben is curled up against Judy’s side, sucking his thumb, dead to the world around him and Michael is watching Apolo with a strange look in his eyes.

 

 “What?” Apolo asks, the smile sliding off his face. Michael blinks and shakes his head.

 

“I was just thinking how things would be different if…” he trials off. Apolo averts his eyes. “I know things weren’t ideal, Apolo. They sucked all around for everyone involved. I can’t change how things went down. None of us can. But I am sorry for my mistakes. I should have contacted you first thing when I turned 18. I was being selfish and I was scared. I missed out on having a terrific little brother, and I’ll always regret that. I just hope we won’t lose any more time together,” Michael explains. Apolo looks up at him and nods. He understands exactly what Michael is saying and he agrees.

 

“I can’t imagine how our lives would be different and I don’t care too. I wasn’t lying about that whole zero regrets thing, Michael. I try not to dwell on the past. But I am happy with my life how it is. And you and your family are part of that life now,” he says. Michael nods, looking relieved, and Judy’s concerned smile glows a few degrees brighter. “Let’s make a deal,” Apolo suggests. “I won’t run out on you guys, and you won’t run out on us. No matter how busy we get, or if we end up in some big family disagreement, let’s learn from the mistakes of the past. No more ignoring we each have a brother.” Michael laughs quietly, holding out a hand. Apolo grips it and they shake on it.

 

“It’s a deal. Brothers,” he says. Apolo smiles back.

 

“Brothers,” he agrees. Then Michael turns to Yuki, who has been sitting there quietly observing the entire conversation.

 

“That goes for you too, Yuki. You were the only Dad I ever knew. And you’re the only grandpa my kids will ever have. Will you let us get to know you too?” he asks. Yuki smiles at them.

 

“Of course, Michael. But your mother, she will not be happy,” he says. Michael sighs.

 

“To be frank, my mother has dictated the terms and conditions of my family relationships my entire life. She isn’t even talking to me right now, because I called Apolo. I don’t care what she thinks. This is my life, not hers. She made her choices. Now she has to live with them. I want something different from my life,” he says. Judy grins, gripping his hand in support.

 

“We want to start new traditions,” Judy says, and all eyes turn to her. “I know that Christmas and Thanksgiving are probably spent in Seattle with your families there,” she turns and smiles at JR before looking back at Apolo and Yuki, “but we were wondering about New Year’s. The baby should be a few weeks old by then. I’m due in Early December. The timing isn’t perfect, but we thought it might be a bit symbolic. Our first family holiday marking the start of a new year.” Apolo shares a look with his father, and an entire conversation seems to take place.

 

“I like the sound of that,” Apolo says. “I’ll have to talk it over with JR of course.”

 

“No! No, of course you do!” Judy says. Ben takes that moment to stir at her side, picking his head up and blinking up at them all.

 

“We still eatin’?” he asks. Michael laughs standing up out of the booth.

 

“No, we’re all done. But we’re going in just a minute, so don’t go back to sleep. Come on, let’s get your coat.” Ben hops down, out of the booth, taking Michael’s offered hand in his own, and heading for the coat room. Judy turns to Sarah, waking her up as gently as possible.  JR wakes in the process, and he rubs at his chin to check for drool, making the other adults laugh in response. He scowls.

 

“No fun, making fun of the sleepy person,” he says. Even Sarah laughs at him. She hugs him around the waist.

 

“I’m proud of you, JR,” she says. He hugs her back.

 

“Thank you. I’m so glad you all got to come out and watch.”

 

“I’m going to tell everyone at school that my Uncle is going to the Olympics. Everyone will be so jealous!” she says throwing herself out of the booth, and running energetically across the mostly deserted restaurant to her father. Judy laughs.

 

“I hope you don’t mind the Uncle thing, JR,” Judy says. “She seems to be adopting a new person into the family each week! I don’t think it will be long before she’s calling Bob and Sue her grandparents,” JR laughs, rubbing at his eyes.

 

“I don’t mind at all. I can’t wait until she meets my brothers and my sister-in-law,” he admits.

 

“Ah, the Celski boys all together in one place. Be afraid be very afraid,” Apolo quips. Judy laughs.

 

“I don’t think Michael or I would mind. Neither of us ever had a big family. I think we’d both quite enjoy it,” Judy confesses. She scoots down to the end of the bench, and Apolo jumps up to help her pull herself up into a standing position. “Thanks,” she says, hugging him before he can step away. Apolo hugs her back. “Goodnight, Apolo,” she says.

 

“Goodnight, Judy,” he replies.

 

Yuki leaves a few minutes later, hugging them both goodbye, and heading back to the hotel.

 

JR and Apolo are both quiet on the drive home. JR insists on showering before bed. He’d taken a short one at the Oval, after his final race, but those quickie showers always leave him feeling unclean and sticky in odd places.

  
He steps out of the shower damp and sleepy and finds Apolo already dressed for bed and under the covers. He’s flipping through messages on his phone, and eyes squinting down at the small screen. And suddenly is strikes JR just how much time Apolo has spent with him in the last few months. He scrubs a towel through his hair and steps up to his dresser to pull out a pair of pajama pants to wear, all while thinking back. Apolo hadn’t had to go out of town for a single meeting, interview, or appearance in nearly two months. Not since the first week in July. JR stares at himself in the mirror sitting on top of the dresser and cocks his head to the side.

 

“Apolo?” he asks, tossing his towel in the hamper and flicking out the bathroom light.

 

“Mhmm?” Apolo replies flicking his thumb across the screen of his iphone a few times and frowning.

 

“How is work going?” JR asks, pulling back the covers on his side of the bed, and climbing under. He slides down low, and turns toward Apolo. But getting that horizontal makes him sleepier, so he pushes himself back up into a reclining position and watches Apolo’s face. Apolo frowns again.

 

“You know I’m on break until you’re back on the team. Jimmy talked to me about that today by the way. Says he wants me back as soon as you are ready.” He turns away from the phone long enough to shoot a grin at JR, before turning back to what he’d been working on.

 

“That’s not the work I was talking about,” JR says. He blinks slowly, watching confusion take over, Apolo’s face.

 

“Huh?” he asks. JR laughs.

 

“I meant the other work you do. The speaking engagements and 8Zone. Your appearances and interviews and your endorsement deals. The business of being Apolo Ohno. You haven’t been out to LA in over two months.” Apolo shrugs.

 

“I’ve been taking care of everything from home. It is the 21st Century, JR. Email, conference calls, Skype... I haven’t been needed out in LA, though I probably will need to head out that way in a few weeks. Subway wants to talk Pre-Olympics branding.” Apolo explains.

 

“Peter must be furious. How did you convince him to let you stay away for so long?” JR asks. Apolo finishes tapping out a message, and switches the phone off, setting it down on the bedside table. He relaxes back into the pillows, sliding down to lay flat, and rolling to face JR. JR mimics his position, and slides closer. Apolo’s arm reaches around JR’s body to tug him over until their bodies are flush together.

 

“Peter will get over it,” Apolo says quietly. JR yawns, reaching up to cover his mouth. He’s so tired he feels like he could sleep for a week. “Go to sleep, JR. We can talk tomorrow,” he says, pushing at the wet bangs on JR’s forehead.

 

“Wish things would go back to normal,” JR breathes, and he’s asleep before Apolo can formulate a response.

 

 

 

JR gets out of bed late the next day. It’s almost noon, and he wakes up feeling well-rested and ready to tackle anything. He stretches his back and arms, feeling the soreness of his side and deciding it’s not nearly as bad as the previous morning. The news puts him in an even better mood, and he hops out of bed to go find Apolo.

 

The older man is in the kitchen, flipping pancakes, and singing along to some Top 40 R&B song on the radio they have set up in there for just that purpose. He smiles when JR appears and hands him a plate.

 

“Good morning. I’m surprised you didn’t sleep ‘til dinner time,” Apolo says, handing over a bottle of the good stuff, real maple syrup. JR is not about to question the nutritional decision, and snatches the bottle away before Apolo can change his mind.

 

“Couldn’t sleep anymore right now if I tried,” JR says pouring on the syrup with a bit of maniacal glee. Apolo laughs at him.

 

“Well you’ll have plenty of time to relax over the next week. Which reminds me, you need to pack. Our flight leaves in,” he checks his watch, “five hours.” JR blinks at him.

 

“Where are we going?” he asks, digging into his pancakes more enthusiastically. Apolo sips his coffee and rolls his eyes.

 

“It’s a surprise. Don’t worry you’ll enjoy yourself.”

 

“I don’t have time for a vacation right now, Apolo. I need to be training.”

 

“I’m aware. This will be a working vacation. You need to relax and clear your head. Yesterday proved that. But I’ve been through the pre-Olympics build-up three times before. I’m the coach here, remember. I know what you need and when you need it. Will you just trust me?” he asks. JR sighs and nods.

 

“I just feel like you spend all your time doing stuff for me,” he looks down, suddenly uninterested in his pancakes. “This relationship has gotten entirely one-sided lately, and I’m so sick of it.”

 

“Come again?” Apolo asks. JR sighs.

 

“You’ve done nothing but take care of me for months, Apolo,” he frowns. “I’m a grown up. You don’t need to be taking care of me all the time.”

 

“JR… relationships are fluid. They change and shift as the situation requires. So I’ve been babying you a bit. Taking care of you. I do it because I love you. You did this huge amazing thing and you’ve been in pain. Of course I’ve been taking care of you. But you get stronger every day. Things will even out again. Besides… you’ve babied me when I needed you too.”

 

“What are you talking about?” JR asks. Apolo rolls his eyes again, and dumps the last of his coffee down the sink. He opens the dishwasher and adds the cup to the top rack.

 

“Umm… when I had the flu last December. Ring any bells? Who brought me hot soup, and wiped my sweaty forehead? Who let me watch horrible girly romantic comedies at like 3 AM when I couldn’t sleep?” he asks. JR laughs, clearly remembering. “And you were there for me when I needed you this past summer too.”

 

“Huh?” JR says. Apolo shakes his head.

 

“JR, hearing from Michael, being confronted by my mother, the choice I was facing, the emotional rollercoaster ride that the last few months have been… You were there through all of that, taking care of me, supporting me, loving me. You even held my hand when I got my blood drawn. You got me through all of it. And I know if it was me who had surgery two months ago that you’d be rubbing my back, and telling me to rest.” JR doesn’t really know what to say in reply so he says nothing. There’s no argument against the truth. He ignores Apolo’s grin of triumph.

 

 

 

The plane leaves late that night, several hours behind schedule, and it is nighttime when they disembark in Hawaii. JR’s previous exhaustion resurfaces and he barely remembers stumbling out of the rental car and into, what he discovers the next morning, is a beach front bungalow. He wakes up with a warm breeze flowing through the open window, and the sound of the waves filtering through the near silence of the bedroom. He blinks awake and rolls over in the bed, groaning and stretching and letting the sun streaking the bed warm his bare back. His eyes slide closed again in the pleasure of the moment. He gets to enjoy the tranquility of the empty bedroom for another five minutes before Apolo knocks on the open door jam and comes in to wake him up.

 

“Come on! Up and at ‘em!” he says cheerfully. JR flops over to look at him and reaches up to rub sleep crud out of his eyes. “Breakfast!” Apolo announces, “then… hiking.” He smiles at JR and then bounces out of the room with a nauseating amount of energy. And so begins JR’s vacation.

 

They spend 8 days in Hawaii. Apolo manages to strike a near perfect balance between training, relaxing, and seeing the sights. They hike the trails, stopping to enjoy hidden beaches, and secluded waterfalls. They practice with the turn-belt on the wet beach, feet sliding in wet sand, and ride on rented bikes up the winding highways that crisscross the islands. Apolo makes him run up and down the largest sand dunes he can find, yelling at him to go faster, push harder, and then rewards him with Sushi for lunch and an afternoon of laying on the beach in between bouts of Frisbee and make-out sessions. One night they attend a luau and JR watches Apolo learn to Hula dance, nearly laughs himself sick at the spectacle. Apolo feigns anger, but ends up laughing right along with him.

 

Two days before they’re set to return home, tan and relaxed, and sore from training, Apolo rents a boat for the day. They spend the entire morning fishing. Apolo tells him it’s to help him center his mind, but JR thinks it’s just an excuse to get out on the water. They give up around lunch time, and spend the afternoon spread out on the rear of the boat, soaking up the sun in preparation for the long winter ahead. JR burns. It gets the bridge of his nose, his shoulders, and upper back, but other places too. There is seemingly no end of the teasing about just where he’s burned when the guys on the team catch a glimpse upon their return to SLC.

 

JR just grins and ignores them. He knows it would be ten times worse if they knew about Apolo’s burn, and the nice white outline that perfectly matches JR’s right hand, where Apolo’s skin stayed unmarked by the sun. Luckily Apolo’s sweats cover it nicely.

 

JR knows the whole vacation must have cost a fortune. When he asks Apolo about it the first morning, Apolo refuses to tell him how much he’s spent. He only mutters something about a favor and a friend of a friend, and brushes off any further inquiries about it from JR. So he drops the issue. Sometimes it’s easier to just let Apolo have his way. JR has learned when to pick his battles.

 

Their return to SLC is timed perfectly. Because JR is still recovering, the coaches, including Apolo, collectively agree he should only participate in World Cups 5 and 6, in January. But JR is once more a part of the national team, and he goes back to training with them full time. It’s great to be back, and everyone seems happy to have him, and Apolo, at the Oval every day.

 

 

 

The first week in November US Speedskating stages their Olympic Media Day. All of the long trackers and short trackers arrive at the Oval on a Wednesday morning for what will end up being an entire day of interviews and photo shoots as reporters and news crews converge on SLC. Several nights before it’s all set to happen, JR gets on the phone with his agent. He doesn’t know what to say about the donation. About Sarah and her connection to Apolo. About _his_ relationship with Apolo. There are so many variables, so much private information that will become public if he goes into any sort of detail. He wants Peter’s opinion on it all. Peter says it’s really up to him. That JR has to decide what he wants to say and what he doesn’t want to say. He warns that mentioning Sarah by name will start people investigating, and that the whole story would thrust him into the national and international spotlight. “The Olympic speed skater who saved the life of a young girl, putting his Olympic dream in danger just months before the games. Will he succeed or will he falter?” Peter warns as a possible angle. JR winces as the words leave his mouth. Peter tells him he can spin it whatever way JR wants him too. That’s his job after all. But that JR has to decide sooner rather than later which way he wants it.

 

Apolo listens to the conversation on speaker phone from the other end of the couch, watches JR’s face crease in concern at the possibilities. He doesn’t say anything though. He knows how JR’s mind works on issues like this. So he just sinks lower into the corner and watches JR hang up, chew on his thumb nail, and then call his parents. He asks their opinions. They’re both supportive but again tell him it’s all his decision. Apolo listens as JR confirms their flight back to Seattle for Thanksgiving before he ends the call and then dials, to Apolo’s surprise, Yuki. Yuki is encouraging and straightforward about it all.

 

“Tell them what you want. The rest is none of their business. But the more you tell the more they want know. Tell about you and Apolo and they want to know more. Tell it is Apolo’s niece they want to know more. Tell them it is a girl you had not met before, and they assume it is stranger. It is not a lie, but is not private information. You see?” he asks. JR smiles and says yes. “You will be fine,” Yuki assures him and the conversation ends a few minutes later.

 

JR tosses his cellphone to the coffee table, and groans. He lets himself go boneless, and he flops over sidewise into the seat of the couch. He tilts his head back where it’s pressed against Apolo’s knee and looks up at him.

 

“What do you think?” he asks. Apolo puts down his own phone, and suppresses the urge to tangle his hand in JR’s hair.

 

“I think there are two things to consider. What do you want the focus to be on during the games? You and what you did, or you and what you’re doing? If you talk about it now that will be the focus. I don’t care if people find out about us, or about Michael being my brother. I’ll say no comment either way. But I know you don’t need to be distracted before the games any more than you already are. The other thing you need to consider, what good can you do, if you do come out as a donor?” JR’s forehead creases with thought, and Apolo gives in and rubs his thumb down it. It smoothed out almost immediately, JR’s eyes falling closed.

 

“It would be good wouldn’t it? For the transplant community…” he pauses then puts on his announcer voice, mimicking Peter’s perfectly, “Olympic Speed Skater JR Celski donates kidney in July, wins Gold in February!” Apolo grins down at him but doesn’t respond. JR blinks his eyes open and laughs. Turning over, he crawls up to flop down against Apolo’s body, the older man’s arms wrapping around him in greeting. “That could do a lot of good, couldn’t it?” he asks. Apolo shrugs.

 

“You know how it is. You’ve read all the same stuff I have. People aren’t willing to donate because they’re scared. They think all the bad possibilities will happen to them, that it will ruin their lives. But you are an example of the opposite. That could change a lot of minds,” Apolo says. JR nods, snuggling his face into Apolo’s neck. They’re quiet for a while, listening to JR’s ipod shuffling from indie to hip-hop and back again in a way that should have been annoying and was instead familiar and welcome. Apolo tilts his head back into the couch cushions and lets himself doze a little. JR’s voice speaking quietly, but close to his ear, nearly makes him jump.

 

“What if I used the media, instead of letting them use me?” JR asks. Apolo leans away, looking down at him, waiting for him to continue. JR pulls back to meet his eyes. “What if we teamed up with one of the tissue donation societies? What if we did a PSA to air after the games talking about what I did? That would mean the publicity didn’t start until the competing was over. That way I wouldn’t be distracted by it all. No one would be wondering about how well I was going to do because I’d have already done it. It’d be over by then.” Apolo’s grin is instant.

 

“I think that is absolutely brilliant. You’d be using the post-Olympics publicity for a great cause. Why don’t we call Michael tomorrow and get his and Judy’s opinion? They might not want Sarah involved at all,” he suggests. JR grins and nods. The he yawns, and buries his face in Apolo’s shoulder.

 

“We’ll call in the morning,” he says quietly.

 

 

Michael loves the idea. He goes home later that night and talks to Judy and Sarah about it. They both love it too. And the next thing JR knows he’s calling up Peter to ask him to set it all up for him. Peter thinks it’s a genius plan. He contacts an organization called Donate Life. He tells them he has an Olympic Athlete who recently donated a kidney, and that he wants to know if they’d be interested in shooting a PSA to air after the upcoming games. They’re ecstatic at the idea and agree to Peter’s terms.

 

Media day comes and JR is prepared to say nothing. Reporter after reporter asks why he left the team in July or why he isn’t participating in the first two world cup events of the season. JR just tells them he’d taken some time off to deal with a family matter, and that he prefers not to say anymore. Everyone seems to respect that. The rest of the team know how private he is, and they make it through the day without JR’s business being blabbed to anyone not already in the know. It’s a minor miracle.

 

Peter stays in contact with Donate Life, setting things up. They recognize that he works for one of the premiere sports agencies in the US, so they’re willing to work with him without knowing who JR is. All they know until after they’ve signed the confidentiality agreement, is that JR’s in his 20s, has two Olympic medals already, and is a definite medal contender. They want to shoot the PSA in early January, so Peter has them set it up for a small studio outside of Tulsa. That works out perfectly for JR, since he and Apolo are flying out to spend New Year’s with Yuki and Michael’s family. It adds one more thing to be excited about. As if seeing everyone, and meeting their newborn niece or nephew weren’t enough.

 

The baby makes its debut into the world two days before it’s projected due date in the second week of December. Michael starts texting around 5am on a Friday morning. JR’s distracted all through practice that day. Apolo keeps checking his phone, and every time he does JR wants to stop what he’s doing to ask if there’s any news. In the middle of relay practice, that’s not exactly a good thing. It’s not until 14 hours after the first text that the baby is born.  

 

Joanne Rachel Hendricks arrives screaming and red faced at 7:24pm (MST). Michael doesn’t call them until closer to 8. But they can practically hear him beaming through the phone, and he texts pictures immediately of a tired but smiling Judy holding the exhausted and still bright red infant in her tiny pink cap. They tell Michael to give Judy and the baby their love, and let him go. He has a lot more people to call and tell the news. It takes JR an hour to realize they’ve given the baby the initials JRH. Apolo just laughs at him and commandeers JR’s cellphone.

 

“You are not calling them at the hospital at 10pm to tell them they can’t name their daughter what they want to name her!” he declares. JR flops back across their bed.

 

“Do you think they’re doing it on purpose? Or it’s just coincidence?” he asks. Apolo just laughs again and shakes his head.

 

“You can’t really be that naïve!” Apolo says, pulling his shirt off and tossing it in the hamper. JR groans again, rolling over and burying his face in a pillow, his body going limp. Apolo just kicks off his gym shorts and underwear tossing them in the hamper too and stepping into the bathroom. He turns on the shower, leaving JR face down in the bed, moping. Setting the water to heat up, he walks back to stand in the doorway to the bedroom. “You going to come scrub my back for me or not?” he asks. JR perks his head up, smiling, and hops out of bed, already pulling at his own clothes. Apolo, as always, knows just how to best distract him.

 

 

 

The months leading up to their leaving for Sochi are much more like they had been before the surgery. JR trains with the team, and occasionally by himself when Apolo feels it is necessary. They spend Christmas in Seattle and New Year’s in Tulsa, meeting baby Joanne. They shoot the PSA, which is simpler than JR had thought it would be. He sits in front of a white backdrop, wearing a Team USA jacket, and talking. Sarah and Michael are both there, and they even shoot a few shots of Sarah sitting snuggled up against him and grinning. JR pretends he doesn’t notice when both Michael and Apolo tear up. Peter’s there of course. He’s taking JR’s request for privacy about the matter very seriously, and has confidentiality papers for everyone there to sign. The director, Pat, sits them all down after they’ve finished.

 

“What’s going on Mr. Wallace?” Peter asks. Pat takes a deep breath.

 

“I have an idea,” he says. They all wait patiently. “Ok first off I just wanted you all to know that I have been so touched by this story. As soon as Donate Life contacted me, I knew I was going to do this for no fee. But I took it a step further. I have something to propose. My wife’s sister, Annie, is married to an exec at NBC/Universal. Now I didn’t tell her anything more than the basics, as per the contract,” he nods at Peter who is already frowning at him, “but she told her husband and he loves this story too. He wants to run the PSA during the Closing Ceremonies.” He spreads his hands wide as he says this. JR and Apolo both blink at him, Michael looking shocked. But Peter starts to smile.

 

“There’s no way that Donate Life can afford the price of a commercial slot during the closing ceremonies,” JR says. Pat grins.

 

“That’s the thing. He’s going to talk them into donating the time slot. Mitch thinks it’s a great cause, and he wants to help out. But I know you said, JR, that you didn’t want it to become known until after the games were over, so….” he shrugs his shoulders. JR looks at Peter whose smile has blossomed into a grin of glee.

 

“Sounds like we have a plan,” he says. JR looks at Apolo who has his hands over his face and is trying hard not to laugh. JR shakes his head and leans back in his chair.  Sometimes things just fell into place. He was still getting used to that.

 

 

 

Apolo had, of course, rejoined the coaching staff fulltime when JR had returned to the team. But he also picks up where he left off with his other business ventures. He takes a two day trip out to LA, and later a three day trip to New York City. He starts doing press again. He’s had to give up the planned commentating position for the upcoming games, because there is no way he could be unbiased, and it would take up crucial time when he needs to be with the skaters getting them ready for the competition.

 

Before JR feels he is really ready for it he finds himself leaving for Sochi with some of his best friends in the world. They are scheduled to get to the games a week and a half before the opening ceremonies. Apolo surprises him with a hotel room in the same hotel his family has booked their rooms. JR loves that he can leave the dorms and get away from all the spectacle of the Olympic Village; that he can go visit his parents and brothers whenever he wants and then crash right down the hall. Apolo justifies the price of the room by explaining that the team’s budget had been cut. US Speedskating wasn’t renting a “safe house” this Olympics. He assures JR that he’ll let the other team members use the room if any of the long trackers or short trackers get sick or injured, but if not it’s all theirs. JR likes the room but he’s absolutely thrilled that so much of his family had been able to make the trip this time. Russia was a lot farther away from home than Vancouver had been. This had been a concern. But JR had acquired quite a few new sponsors, and between them and his parents fundraising efforts they’d managed to fund the trip. Bob, Sue, Chris, David, and his wife Brit would be arriving en masse from the US the day before opening ceremonies.

 

As excited as this all makes JR, he’s more focused on the competition. He’s been to Russia before, he’s even been to Sochi before. He’s not here to be a tourist. He’s been to an Olympics before too, so he’s able to tamper down some of the excitement that being at an OLYMPICS can cause. He still feels it, but it’s secondary. He’s too focused to let himself get all wrapped up in the hoopla of the Games again. Not that Apolo ever lets him forget where they are and why. It’s Apolo that convinces him to go out with the rest of the team exploring the first night in the Village. What follows is a 4 hour walking tour of the entire village, and dorms, complete with Jordan directed filming that puts the 2010 videos to shame. Apolo also convinces him to go to Opening Ceremonies.

 

“I kind of missed out by not going with everyone in Vancouver. I didn’t go and I wished I had later. This is symbolic of the Olympic experience. It’s a celebration of the whole games and it’s an honor to get to walk. I promise that I won’t let it affect your readiness. I’ll even go with you guys. Coaches are invited.” JR can’t say no to that. Especially not when he thinks about how much he enjoyed the experience of opening ceremonies in Vancouver.

 

 

 

The first week in Sochi is half focused on the coming competition and half focused on everything else. It’s filled with practices, and strategy meetings, time in the gym, dry-land training, and resting up. But the rest of the team’s time is spent on all the other miscellaneous stuff that is part of going to the Olympics. It’s interviews, getting geared up with all the free stuff they give out, learning the village. It’s JR trying to swallow down his fear and get his mind into the right headspace.

 

Two nights before Opening Ceremonies, JR has a minor crisis of faith in his own abilities. Team USA has a shared ice practice with the Canadians. JR respects them. They’re, mostly, a cool bunch of guys and he knows how hard they work to be as good as they are. But they’re so fast on the ice. The depth of talent in Canada is huge, and they’d, frankly, kicked USA’s asses in Vancouver. Seeing them here, on Olympic ice, practicing at the same time makes JR realize just where he is and why all over again. He doesn’t start to hyperventilate, but it’s a close call. He finishes the laps Jimmy has ordered, and tries to ignore the way the Canadians keep flying past him in those horrible red and black skinsuits as they do their own laps. It’s like even this is a competition to them.

 

JR skates around the center of the ice, slowing his pace and preparing to leave the ice completely when Hamelin does it. It’s idiotic and disrespectful, and just plain rude. He cuts across the center of the ice, flying around JR in a tight curve, and continuing on his way. He’s not close enough to cause a collision, but it’s a near miss, and JR reacts instinctively. He skids sideways to dodge, his feet sliding out from under him. He lands on his hip, flailing to stop his forward momentum out into the track. When he finally rights himself, and sits up on the cold ice the rink is silent in their shock. The other Canadians on the ice skid to a halt, JR’s teammates freezing behind him. It’s Simon who moves first. He darts across the ice so fast it’s like the start of a race.

 

“JR!?” he asks. He comes to a quick stop, water and ice spraying up in his wake. “JR!” he says again when JR doesn’t respond. JR looks up at him frowning.

 

“I’m fine. I’m ok!” he says, one hand pressed to his smarting hip.

 

“Hamelin you asshole!” Simon yells over his shoulder, reaching down to offer JR a hand. By the time he’s helped JR to his feet the rest of the team has surrounded them. Hamelin skates by again, the only skater who hadn’t stopped when JR fell.

 

“Don’t be such a downer, Simon. I’m sure he’s just fine! Isn’t he always!?” Hamelin asks, smirking as he skates past. JR grimaces. He grips Simon by the wrist.

 

“Don’t. It’s what he wants,” he says quietly. Simon nods, but he doesn’t take his eyes off of Hamelin as he skates another lap around them, coming to stop just behind.  
  


“Sorry, Celski. Did I startle you? Didn’t mean too,” he says, and JR tightens his grip on Simon’s wrist.

 

“Don’t be such a dick, Francois. You know how fucked up that was!” Jordan growls. Francois smirks again.

 

“It was nothing! I don’t know why you all treat him like some fragile butterfly. You watch him like he might break at any moment. It makes me wonder if the boy wonder has lost his edge,” he taunts. JR grits his teeth but skates a few feet closer to reply.

 

“Your jealousy is ridiculous, Francine,” he replies, watching the flinch Francois can’t hide at the nickname. “What were you trying to do? Get me to break something? Twist something? Cut my leg open again? You’d love that wouldn’t you?! It would make it oh so much easier for you if I met with an unfortunate accident. Well that didn’t happen. So prepare yourself. It’s going to be just one more Olympics where you go home with NO medals.” He watches the anger spread across Hamelin’s face but doesn’t wait for the reply. The coaches are converging, officials watching carefully from the side of the rink to see if a fight breaks out. JR lets go of Simon’s wrist, and skates to the side of the ice without looking back even once.

 

Apolo is standing silently waiting when they get there. His face is unreadable even to JR. They slide on their skate guards, stepping off the ice and making their way to grab up their gear. It’s a horrible way to end practice, and there’s a gnawing feeling growing in the pit of JR’s stomach. He avoids Apolo’s gaze, gathering up his water bottle, and jacket, and leaves without a word to anyone.

 

He’s the first back to their ready room, and he keeps his back to the door as he packs up his stuff. He only turns around when he has to sit down and untie his skates, but he keeps his head down, eyes focused on his blades. He checks them for damage, wipes them off and covers them carefully. The curve will have to be checked out later, the blades re-sharpened and the rocker examined, but they look ok for the moment. He tugs his skinsuit down, and changes quickly, stuffing everything into his bag. He knows people are watching him. He can feel their eyes on his back, hear the quiet conversations going on around him, but they all know him well enough to not say anything. When everyone is ready they leave all at once to catch the bus back to the village. JR keeps his head down, but does feel the tug of a smile on his lips when they hear an angry voice yelling in French out toward the ice. JR doesn’t pull away when Apolo’s hand presses briefly to his shoulder before letting him go.

 

Apolo doesn’t say anything, even when they’re finally alone together. He watches JR silently as he strips out of his clothes and flops face down on the bed in just his briefs. JR presses his face into the pillow and lets out a strangled yell. It’s a minute or two before the bed dips and he feels Apolo body heat stretching out along his side. One big warm hand presses to his lower back, starts to rub there, and JR turns his head to look at Apolo.

 

“I let him rile me,” he whispers. Apolo shrugs.

 

“Nobody’s perfect. He was completely out of line. No one blames you for what you said back to him.” JR sighs, forehead creasing in frustration. He turns his face back into the pillow. Apolo’s hand keeps moving, and JR wiggles against the mattress, his dick starting to get hard. They’re alone in their own private space and Apolo’s too warm and pressed too close. He’s already frustrated. It makes total sense that his dick would get ideas.

 

“You going to let me see it?” Apolo asks. For a fraction of a second JR thinks he means his erection, but the thought quickly fades. He tilts his head back, chin digging into the pillow.

 

“It doesn’t hurt,” he replies. Apolo must take that as permission, because he sits up, and hooks his fingers in JR’s underwear, pulling them down far enough to expose the pale bruise already forming on JR’s hip.

 

“Sure it doesn’t,” Apolo says sarcastically, pressing his fingers to it gently. JR jerks away but doesn’t make a sound, which he considers a win.

 

“I’ve had worse. Fuck, I had worse at Trials in September. This isn’t anywhere near that bad,” he replies.

 

“Fucking Hamelin,” Apolo mutters. JR feels the bed shift as Apolo stretches to get something out of the bedside table. Apolo’s hands are back a minute later rubbing in cool gel.

 

“I was right though,” JR says, turning his head to face the window. He’s got a clear view of the center of the village from here, the various dorms forming a ring around a central communal area. “He’s just jealous,” he continues, but he doesn’t sound sure.

 

“He’s freaking out,” Apolo explains. “Charles having surgery in December for that broken ankle and consequently not being here,” he stops to shake his head. “He’s not used to being at competitions without his big brother. Now all the expectations are on him. Of course he’s jealous,” Apolo says. JR rolls his eyes.

 

“He’s nowhere near as good a skater as Charles is,” JR says. Apolo laughs.

 

“No argument from me on that,” Apolo smirks as he says it. He pulls JR’s underwear back up over the bruise. “Try not to let him get into your head. You’re worth a hundred of him.” JR starts to turn under him and Apolo lifts up automatically to let him flip over.

 

“More words of wisdom from the short track God Apolo Anton Ohno?” JR asks teasingly. He watches embarrassment flash across Apolo’s face, quickly replaced with a seriousness that has JR listening intently.

 

“No. Just advice from someone who has skated against assholes just like Francois for more years and at more competitions than he’d care to count,” he leans over, his face drawing closer to JR’s, Apolo’s hands pressing deep into the mattress. “When the guys around you try to tear you down, try to distract you, when the claws come out… that’s when you know you’re doing something right. No one harasses the guy they know they can beat. Not at this level. Instead they try and knock down the guy they’re most afraid of.” He smirks. JR rolls his eyes, not quite believing him.

 

“Are you going to kiss me and help me take care of my hard on, or am I going to have to go take a cold shower,” JR asks, changing the subject. Apolo snorts, leaning down and taking JR’s mouth in a hungry kiss. He breaks away a few seconds later.

 

“While a shower will be necessary in the immediate future, because boy do you stink, I think I can stand the smell long enough for a little,” his words are cut off by JR’s laughter.

 

“Shut up, Apolo,” he says, tugging Apolo’s mouth back to his own.

 

 

 

JR tries to let it all go. His hip hurts but it’s a familiar pain. They’ve all skated with bumps and bruises before. It’s more normal to skate bruised than otherwise. This is nothing new really, but every time he feels the ache it reminds him of just how he got it and it pisses him off all over again. It’s not so much that Hamelin did what he did. It’s not even why he did it. It’s the things he’d said afterward. The things he’d implied. JR knows everyone has been hovering lately. Even after two successful world cups where JR had held his own and medaled a total of 4 times, not even counting their relay win at World Cup 4, the team still watches him like he is going to nosedive into the ice at any moment. Even Kyle Carr does it, and of all the guys on the team, JR gets along with him the least. Yet in the two days since the fall, Kyle C has asked him if he was ok no less than five times. JR appreciates the concern but he’s still the same guy he’s always been. He’s tough. He’s strong. He doesn’t need to be treated with kid gloves.

 

When Simon suggests they skip opening ceremonies and watch them from the dorms, JR nearly loses it. Instead he takes a deep breath and rolls his eyes.

 

“You want to puss out and stay here and watch on the TV, you go right ahead. I’m walking. It would be a lot more fun if you guys came with me,” JR says and goes to change into the appropriate uniform. They are supposed to leave in less than a half an hour and there isn’t much time to waste. Apolo shows up in their room a few minutes later and starts to change too. But JR doesn’t say anything to him, just stands in front of their bathroom mirror fixing his bright red tie. He thinks he looks ridiculous. There is really no reason to take a bunch of athletes and put them in matching red ties and white blazers just to parade them out in front of the world. He feels like he’s dressed to go to a Valentine’s Day Dance. Apolo’s arms slide around his shoulders from behind, taking over the straightening of his tie. JR frowns at him in the mirror but lets him.

 

“Are you going to be this grumpy for the entire Olympic Games?” Apolo asks. JR’s frown turns into a glare. He pushes out of Apolo’s arms and spins to leave the bathroom. “JR! Ok, I’m sorry. That came out wrong!” Apolo says, reaching for and snagging JR’s wrist. He tugs him back closer and JR lets himself be pulled. “Will you just talk to me? What the hell is bothering you?”

 

“I don’t know. I just…” JR shakes his head. Apolo tugs him closer, hands going to his shoulders. JR sighs. “I know he’s an asshole. I know I shouldn’t still be letting the shit he said bother me. But it does. It bothers me.”

 

“What part of that shits little tantrum is still bugging you?” JR takes a deep breath before replying, and when he does he talks to Apolo’s reflection, avoiding his eyes.

 

“I don’t know why you all treat him like some fragile butterfly. You watch him like he might break at any moment. It makes me wonder if the boy wonder has lost his edge,” the words come out just as harsh as Hamelin had spat them out two days before. Apolo sighs but doesn’t say anything. JR turns to look at him. “How am I supposed to argue with that? It’s true. How am I supposed to feel confident and focused when every time I turn around someone is asking me if I’m ok? If I need to rest? If I need to take a break?” he asks, watching Apolo frown.

 

“Everyone on the team, coaching staff included, loves you, JR. Well nearly everyone…” he says making JR laugh. “But seriously, you’re part of a team. We all care about you. We’ve all seen what you’ve gone through the last few months. It’s not a lack of a faith or confidence in your abilities. It’s concern.” He sighs, pulling JR closer until their foreheads press together. “I know it still hurts you,” Apolo says quietly. JR tries to pull away but Apolo tightens his grip, not letting him. “Don’t deny it. Pain is a part of life, it’s not something to be ashamed of.” JR sighs, giving in and pushing closer. He bends down, wrapping his arms around Apolo’s shoulders and pressing his face to the junction of Apolo’s shoulder and his neck.

 

“It’s not that bad,” he whispers. “And it’s not constant.” Apolo nods.

 

“I know. But I still wish you had told me,” JR sighs but can’t really argue with that.

 

“Sorry,” he says quietly. Apolo squeezes him close and runs one hand through the back of JR’s hair.

 

“Having people caring about you is not a weakness. Admitting to pain is not a weakness. I wish I could just make you believe that.” JR tightens his arms, and kisses Apolo once on the neck.

 

“This is hard. Harder than I thought it would be,” he says, lips brushing Apolo’s neck with each word. He pulls his head back to look down into Apolo’s eyes. He feels like it’s the first time in days his eyes have met the other mans and not looked immediately away. “I thought, back in July that there were two options. Either I’d still be in so much pain that I didn’t even make the team. Or I would be perfectly fine and come here and kick ass. I didn’t think I’d be in this limbo where it still hurts but I can race. But I don’t feel like I’m at my peak. And I don’t want to disappoint myself or the team, or make a fool of myself, or upset anyone. And it’s just... stupid.” He smiles sardonically and Apolo’s lips quirk in response.

 

“You can skate while you’re in pain. You can kick ass and win medals. You can show the world that kidney donation doesn’t mean the end of the world. But you know how much of this is mental. If you’re doubting or thinking about all this other crap you’re going to end up skating like shit.”  JR sighs. He knows this. But it’s still good to hear it. “You also don’t have to be an asshole to your friends, just because their love and concern is a tad overzealous.”

 

JR nods, and pulls away from Apolo’s body, reaching for the last part of his uniform, a navy blue baseball cap with USA embroidered across the front. He pulls it down over his hair, and stares at himself. He looks stupid. He reaches for the second hat, pulling it down onto Apolo’s head. Then he turns to look at their joint reflection in the mirror.

 

“We’re all going to look like such douche bags,” he says. Apolo laughs, the sound filling the entire bathroom. They’re interrupted by a pounding on the door, Jordan’s voice calling for them to “hurry the fuck up!” JR looks back at Apolo, still smiling and rolls his eyes. “You gonna kiss me when the fireworks go off?” he asks, tugging at the sleeves of his blazer. Apolo tilts his head, pressing closer, pushing JR back into the side of the doorframe. He leans in even closer, and presses his mouth to JR’s. JR melts against him, one hand sliding under Apolo’s open jacket to rest on his hip. There’s more pounding on the dorm room door, followed by hysterical laughter that sounds suspiciously like Simon’s. Apolo tugs at the lapels of JR’s jacket and smiles at him.

 

“If you want me too then I’ll be happy to oblige,” he says, and JR’s whole face lights up.

 

The opening ceremonies last 3 hours, and the team leaves about halfway through. But they stay long enough for the parade of nations, and the beginning of the performances. They don’t stay the entire night to watch the torch being lit. It’s the last thing to happen, and they have prelims in the morning. But JR gets his kiss when the fireworks go off.

 

 

 

The first day of competition dawns bright and cold. The city of Sochi is relatively mild in temperature where it sits on the Black Sea. It is cold enough to hold the outdoor winter events, but generally warmer than some of the more frigid areas of Russia. But this particular morning there is a cold wind blowing through the city, and it makes JR’s bones ache.

 

They have morning ice time to do some last minute drills and prep. Racing doesn’t start until 5pm that evening. First up is the 1500m heats. The 1500 is the only thing the men are racing that first day, but the whole team heads down to the oval anyway. This is JR’s best chance for a medal. The one he’s heavily favored to win. But he blocks that all out and just skates. He does fairly well in the first heat of the morning, making it easily into the semis. The semifinals won’t be raced until an hour and a half later. That’s when things start to go wrong.

 

A power surge knocks out power in half the lower level of the Oval. JR finds this out when he, Jordan, and Kyle C are sitting in their mostly empty Team USA ready room and are interrupted by a knock on the door. Jordan opens it and in comes two officials, and the two Francois’ of Team Canada. Francois Hamelin and Francois-Louis Tremblay. Because of the power outage they’re doubling up all the teams at this end of the hallway and Team USA is now rooming with Canada. JR sighs and mentally rolls his eyes before turning back to his skates. He has nothing against Flou, he’s a pretty cool guy, if slightly quiet. It’s Hamelin he intends to ignore. He has no intention of allowing the bastard to get inside his head again. Unfortunately what he intends is not what happens.

 

For most of their prep time they work in silence, the Canadians stick to their one side of the room and the Americans to the other. It’s when they’re changing into their suits that the problems start. JR’s careful to keep his back to the wall. He doesn’t want to answer questions about his scar. Not here and not now. He steps out of his warm-up clothes, and pulls on his skinsuit. He has his shin guards on and the suit pulled up around his waist when he sits back down. It’s when he’s checking the straps on his back pad that the questions start.

 

“JR, what is that?” Flou asks. He says it with curiosity. JR fights not to flinch.

 

“It’s a pad. Protection for my lower back,” he says, holding the pad to his lower back and pulling the straps around to secure it in place. Flou frowns at him, pulling his own suit up over his underwear, looking concerned.

 

“You hurt your back? It is not serious, I hope,” Flou asks, tugging his throat guard down over his head, and tightening it in place. JR shrugs, doing the same.

 

“Of course it is not serious. Chelsea is invulnerable. Except when he’s not,” Francois says, smirking in their direction. JR stares at him a bit dumbfounded. Then he looks toward Jordan sitting two chairs over to his left. Their eyes meet and both their lips start twitching and soon they’re both snickering in amusement. Kyle just shakes his head, a smile spreading across his face.

 

“Seriously? That was the best insult you could come up with?” he asks. JR glances at the Canadians. Flou is hiding a smile, bending over in his seat to rummage in his bag. Francois glares at them, his face turning red with anger. He doesn’t say a word though, just finishes getting dressed, tugging his gym shoes back on over his feet.  JR rolls his eyes again, for real this time, and goes back to getting ready. Flou and Kyle finish first, and then both get up to leave. They’re skating in the first semi and have to head out to get warmed up. That leaves JR and Jordan alone with Hamelin.

 

Hamelin is ready to go a few minutes later. While JR is still tugging his shoes on and Jordan sits in the corner, legs bouncing in sync with the music in his ears, eyes closed and mind focused on his own pre-race rituals. JR doesn’t look up when Francois steps up close, but tilts his head up to look the other man in the face, one eyebrow raised in question.

 

“You will lose today,” Hamelin says, leaning closer. “You will buckle under the pressure. Queen out and fall down just like you always do. Apolo might appreciate you being his little Bitch, but here, on the ice, you are going be all mine,” he reaches out to pat JR’s cheek, but JR sits back slapping his hand away.

 

“Go fuck yourself, Hamelin,” he says, standing up out of his chair and getting in the older man’s face. Jordan’s there an instant later, prying them out of each other’s space.

 

“What the fuck!” Jordan hisses, shoving Francois away. “Jesus Christ, Hamelin! Back off!” he says stepping between them and crossing his arms. JR glares at Hamelin over the Jordan’s smaller shoulder. Hamelin laughs.

 

“Take it easy, Malone. You don’t have to protect the child from me. But I can see why you might want too. Fragile as he is,” his eyes travel down JR’s chest to the strap still visible where the pad is cinched around JR’s waist. “Good luck,” he says mockingly, scooping up his gear and leaving the room, the door slamming in his wake. Jordan’s hands clench at his sides.

 

“What the hell did he say to you?” he asks, turning to look at JR. “JR?” he asks. JR shakes his head, avoiding Jordan’s eyes. He plops back down in his seat, reaching for his bag of gear, digging around for his gloves. He knows they’re in the right side pocket, where they always are, but he needs something to do with his hands, something to keep them from visibly shaking.

 

“Nothing. It’s not important,” he says. He watches Jordan walk over to his own gear scooping up his skates and helmet, gloves already tucked inside.

 

“You sure?” Jordan asks.

 

“I’m fine,” JR says back, harsher than he means too. Jordan frowns at him.

 

“Ok, Jeeze. Sorry for asking,” Jordan replies. “You coming?” he asks, heading for the door. JR sighs.

 

“Yeah, I’ll be out in a minute. Go on ahead,” he says. JR watches Jordan leave, his reluctance obvious in every step.

 

JR retrieves his gloves from the pocket of his bag, tossing them into his helmet where it rests next to his skates. Then he sits up, fisting his hands in his hair in frustration. He takes a deep shaky breath, trying to gain control over his anger. He hisses when the motion causes the Velcro strap of his pad to scrap across his other side. In his annoyance he yanks at it, pulling it off completely and tossing it on the ground between his feet. He glares down at it. His anger is red hot and it burns in his gut. Suddenly it’s like every insecurity he’s ever had has flown back to the forefront of his mind with a vengeance. That he’s not good enough. Not strong enough. That he’ll fuck things up irrevocably. He glares down at the pad. He hates it. Hates that he needs the damn thing. That it makes him different from the other skaters. That his back still pains him. That his hip is smarting from the fall two days before. That he’d let Francois Hamelin get to him then, and again just now. Making a decision that he’s sure he’ll regret later, he picks up the pad and flipping it over in his hands, stuffs it inside his bag of gear. Then he pulls his skinsuit up and on, threading his arms through the sleeves and zipping it up so hard the zipper almost jams.

 

He’s late leaving the ready room and has to rush to get warmed up. He avoids Jordan’s eyes, and listens to Apolo talking without really listening, ignores the concern growing in Apolo’s expression. He doesn’t want reassurances and pep-talks. He’s here to skate.

 

He watches the first Semi. Kyle comes in third and doesn’t qualify. But Flou wins it. As soon as the skaters have cleared the ice, they let the next batch of semi-finalists on and JR skates out with the rest of them. It’s Jordan, of course, who notices first. He’s been staring at JR’s back while he skates around in circles for years, and he’s gotten used to his body line looking a particular way over the past 4 months. It takes him a minute or two to figure out what’s off and the shocked look he shoots JR has JR’s heart pounding in his chest.

 

JR turns his head away, focusing on preparing for the race, on his feet moving on the ice as he circles. Jordan catches up with him a minute later.

 

“JR? What the fuck?” he hisses, he reaches for JR’s arm, but JR moves away abruptly, hoping no one has noticed. JR can feel eyes on him. He knows if no one else caught that movement, at least one person did, and JR doesn’t have to look to his right to figure out it is Apolo standing there, forehead creased with confusion and eyes fixed on the two of them.

 

“Forget about it,” JR says, to Jordan. “Stop freaking out. I’ll be fine. You have racing to do, Maloney.” Jordan’s jaw clenches, but he shakes his head, picking up his pace and skating away. JR watches him go, and knows this has all been a mistake, a huge horrible mistake.

 

The skaters finish their lap, lining up at the end of the ice to be announced. JR is in second position, Jordan in fourth.

 

They announce the names of each of the skaters, and JR holds his hand up in the air, taking his place when his name is called. What follows is absolutely one of the worst semifinals JR can ever remember skating. Everything is off, his tempo, his speed. Every time he gets the nerve to pass he freaks himself out worrying he’ll fall and end up killing himself in an impact that would have done minimal harm to someone else. Afterward he doesn’t know if it’s because his head is whirling in a million different directions or if he’s just being stupid. The only reason he even makes it into the final is Jordan.

 

Two thirds of the way race, with only a few laps left, Jordan, skating two people in front of JR, looks back at him while leaning around the curve and yells two words.

 

“Wake up!” he says and JR’s head snaps back into the correct place. Suddenly none of the stuff swirling around in his head matters. He steels himself and in the straight away pours on his infamous easy speed. At the other corner he whips around the Russian skater in front of him, sliding into third, in a move that looks natural and perfectly planned to everyone else. At the next turn he does it again, taking the inside track around the Korean and pushing up into second behind Jordan. He fends off the other two skaters for another two laps and skates across the line in second place.

 

Jordan shoots him one quick grin at them both making it into the final, before frowning at him, his anger quickly returning. Apolo knows something is up. So does Jimmy. Neither of them say anything as they direct Jordan and JR back to the ready room. Kyle’s there waiting, already stripped out of his gear and back in his street clothes. Flou is there too, but he’s got headphones on and seems to be completely disconnected from what is going on around him. JR steps into the room, takes in everything and heads straight for his seat. He knows what’s coming, knows it is inevitable, but he also knows he doesn’t want to do it here, not in front of the competition.

 

Luck seems to be both on his side and working against him. Because before Jordan can light into him, before Apolo and Jimmy can ask what the heck is going on, the Canadian Assistant Coach sticks his head into the room, and seeing Flou bouncing his head to the music on his ipod, comes in and taps him on the shoulder. Tremblay uplugs his ear, and listens to his coach fire off something in rapid-fire French. He nods his head, and wraps the cords around the mp3 player, sticking it in the pocket of his jacket, and standing up to follow his coach. The two of them leave, Flou offering a hesitant wave goodbye as he goes, and suddenly the room is all American again. JR watches this all out of the corner of his eye, even as he takes off his gloves and unzips the collar of his suit to pull off his neck-guard. They won’t be skating in the final for at least a half an hour, and he hates the claustrophobic feeling the Kevlar gives him, wrapped so tightly around his throat. The silence lasts a few beats before Jordan starts yelling.

  
The whole thing is very ugly. Kyle watches the first few minutes with wide eyes from the corner, his face pale and shocked. At one point he sneaks around the perimeter of the room, and slips outside to guard the door. No one really needs to walk in on JR getting the verbal beat-down of his life. But pressed up against the door he can’t help but hear some of the things being said and winces in sympathy.

 

Jordan is pissed. Like really pissed. He’s more angry than JR can ever remember seeing him before. Even worse than he’d been in Vancouver and had fallen during the 1500 Heats and been disqualified. JR’s tempted to roll his eyes at the color red Jordan’s face is turning, but he knows he kind of deserves it. He knows it was stupid. He knows he shouldn’t have done it, and he knows he never will again, but Jordan’s not really giving him much of a chance to say any of that. So JR slumps in his chair, and avoids looking his best friend in the eyes as Jordan calls him a “fucking idiot” and a “selfish stubborn fucking bastard.” Jordan cusses a lot on average, but this might be a new record. Jimmy and Apolo seem to catch on quickly to just what JR has done. And while Jimmy looks shocked and disappointed, it is Apolo’s face that makes JR turn away to stare down at his feet. He wants to crawl into a hole and hide. Apolo watches without comment as first Jordan and then Jimmy, and then both yell at JR. It takes a good five minutes. And it stops just about when JR starts to really get worried. The last semi has to be finished by now. Hamelin and Tremblay and the Canadian coaches should have already returned from the ice. But all of that seems completely irrelevant when Apolo finally steps in to end the tongue-lashing.

 

“Enough,” Apolo says firmly. Both Jordan and Jimmy stop mid-sentence. Apolo moves forward, holding everyone’s attention as he bends down and reaches for JR’s bag of gear. He searches through it quickly and it doesn’t take long to find what he’s look for. He stands up with it in his hands.

 

Apolo’s face is closed off, his voice steady and flat, his eyes hard as he looks down at the carbon fiber pad in his hands, black Velcro dangling off it in two long strips. “Jordan, you need to do your laps. Get out of those skates and go. Now,” he orders. JR doesn’t dare look up. He’s hunched over on himself, staring down at the grey industrial carpet between his feet and trying not to cry. “Jimmy, will you please go double check the stats and see about the start time?” he asks. Jimmy nods, turning and leaving the room, Jordan scooping up his shoes and quickly following.

 

Apolo steps closer, and JR doesn’t dare look up, can’t bear the thought of Apolo yelling at him too. He knows it’s coming, but he can’t take it right now. Not just this minute. But Apolo doesn’t yell. He stops a foot or so in front of JR, and just looks down at him for a few seconds before talking again. “Stand up,” he says. JR does so, immediately, adjusting his stance to balance on his skates. Apolo’s hands grip the zipper of JR’s skinsuit, pulling it down slowly. JR stands passively as Apolo pulls it down off his shoulders and coaxes his arms free of the sleeves. Then Apolo’s arms slide around JR’s waist and JR has to suck in a quick breath to keep from reaching out and pulling Apolo’s body in closer to press to his more firmly. Apolo pulls back a few seconds later, and JR feels the pad fitting snuggly to his back, just as Jordan had molded it to do. Apolo pulls the stretchy Velcro around, cinching it tight and pressing it into place against itself. It’s tighter than JR usually prefers but he doesn’t dare say anything and makes no move to loosen it. He lets Apolo redress him with quick efficient moves, and doesn’t dare to speak until Apolo’s hands drop away from his throat, to tightly grip his shoulders.

 

“I’m sorry,” JR whispers. Apolo’s hands still but he doesn’t respond. “It was stupid, and foolish, and I knew as soon as I stepped out on the ice that I’d made a mistake and I,” Apolo cuts him off.

 

“We don’t have time for this now. You have 25 minutes until the final. We can talk about this later, when you’re finished for the night.” JR’s mouth clicks shut audibly and he nods, eyes still focused on Apolo’s throat, unable to look him in the face. Apolo’s hand moves to force his chin up and JR can instantly see the fierce anger simmering behind Apolo’s eyes. They’ve gone dark like burnt coffee and JR knows this is far from over. “You will wear this pad,” Apolo says, voice steady and low and commanding. “For every practice, every heat, every quarters, semis, and finals of these games. Every single time you step out onto the ice. Do you understand me?” he asks. JR tries to respond, but Apolo’s not done. “You will wear it, because if you don’t I will yank you out of every race you are currently entered in, including the relay and you will go home and there will be nothing you can do about it,” his voice is hoarse with restrained emotion but not mean. JR nods, the twisting in his gut taking a new sharper turn.

 

“Yes. I promise, Apolo,” he says. Apolo stares at him another few seconds, as if checking for deception in his eyes. Then he nods once.

 

“Get out of your skates. You need to keep your legs warmed up,” he turns then, and leaves the room, slamming the door behind him.

 

JR stands alone in the empty room and knows he has seriously fucked up.

 

 

 

JR has no idea how he gets through the rest of the night without having a mental and/or emotional breakdown. Has no idea how he gets through the final and actually medals. He knows Apolo shuffles him from one thing to another like a puppy, staying mostly silent when he’s not issuing quiet orders. JR doesn’t fight him. Apolo is in full coach mode, and he lets himself be directed around like a newbie because his brain is too tired to think of a way to stop it. Apolo is pissed, understandably, but he’s not being rude or mean in anyway. He’s just being detached and distant. He’s treating JR like he’s just some random guy on the team. No like he’s his boyfriend. Not even like he’s a friend. It fucking hurts, but JR knows it’s his fault.

 

He seems to come back into his own head when he’s sitting in the heat-box, lacing up his skates with Jordan sitting next to him, practically vibrating with tension and anticipation. He realizes suddenly that this is Jordan’s first ever individual Olympic final. The smile blooms across his face instantly. Tying the laces on his last skate tightly, he secures the cover in place and sits up in his seat. He smacks Jordan’s thigh with the back of his hand. Jordan stops bouncing, and turns his head to look at him.

 

“What?” he asks, unplugging one of his ears. JR grins at him.

 

“You’re gonna rock this,” JR says. Jordan laughs, shaking his head.

 

“1500 is your race, JR,” Jordan says. JR rolls his eyes.

 

“At the Olympics anything can happen,” JR teases.

 

“Yes, anything can happen. Like you not medaling at all,” the voice comes from the row behind them. It sets JR’s teeth on edge. Fucking Hamelin. JR takes a deep breath, blows it out slowly in a long controlled stream of air. He closes his eyes and cracks his neck, ignoring the chuckling going on behind him. When he has himself composed he turns in his chair to look the sneering Canadian right in the eyes.

 

“The only one of us not medaling at these games, Hamelin, is you. We all know which brother was the one with all the talent, and Charles isn’t here,” he says with a grin. Jordan cracks up laughing at that and JR watches Francois’ face turn pale. “Good luck,” he says, turning back around. He reaches into his warm-up jacket pocket and pulls out his own iPod. The last thing he needs right now is Hamelin whispering in his ear right before the race. Again.  

 

It seems to take forever before they’re called to go out on the ice. Apolo stands off to the side, studying papers and conferring with Jimmy. Every time JR glances over at them he sees Apolo’s eyes slide quickly away. Finally JR can’t take it anymore. He stands up and walks up to them. The two stop talking when he gets there. He wraps up his iPod shoving it into Apolo’s front pocket and notices the twitch of Apolo’s lips at the intimate gesture. JR steps close, tugging on Apolo’s pocket, and looking Apolo straight in the eyes.

 

“I fucked up,” he says quietly, aware of all the people surrounding them, and keeping his voice down to avoid being overheard. “I was stupid and I fucked up. And I deserve whatever bawling out you are going to give me later. But for right now I need you to just be Apolo. Not my angry boyfriend or my disappointed coach.” He watches Apolo swallow quickly and nod, one of his hands reaching out to grip JR’s elbow and tug him closer. JR smiles hesitantly. “I love you.” Apolo smiles back at him. 

 

“I love you,” Apolo says. Jimmy laughs at them, turning around and walking toward Jordan. Apolo leans closer. “Watch out for Hamelin. Whatever you said pissed him off. I have a feeling he’s going to be recklessly stupid,” he warns. JR nods.

 

“I figured. He’ll self-destruct all on his own, I think.” Apolo nods in agreement.

 

“You’re better than any of them,” Apolo says and JR believes him. Really believes him. He grins widely in response.

 

 

There are six skaters in the 1500 A Final. Jordan and JR from the USA. Flou Tremblay and Hamelin from Canada. A skater from the UK and a Korean, neither of which JR knows very well. Jordan has the second position, and JR is in 5th. It’s kind of a horrible place to be. The only person to his right is the English guy and he kind of looks like he’s going to puke.

 

At the Olympics everyone is quick off the line; no one wanting to get stuck in the back. JR is no different, but it’s hard when you’re coming from so far on the outside. He goes into the first corner in fifth and knowing he has to get around 4 other skaters, including a teammate and an arch nemesis, he makes his move earlier than he normally would. In the fourth lap he darts around the outside scrambling past two more skaters. It works beautifully. He gets around Hamelin like it’s nothing, flies around the Korean too, until he’s right behind Jordan and Flou. No one was expecting a move like that so early. In the 1500 everyone takes things slow. It’s not until closer to the end that the pace picks up and the race really starts. But JR is not in the mood to wait. He’s angry and he has something to prove and he isn’t going to leave the ice without doing everything he can to win a medal. Preferably gold.

 

He knows Jordan’s tactics and weaknesses, so he knows that at around lap 10 Jordan will start to flag, just a little. Flou is harder to anticipate. JR hasn’t raced him but a few times in the last few years. An injury the season before had kept him off international ice for a while. But he knows Flou is fast and that he has skills that can’t really be denied. So JR plots it out in his head. He keeps his position, holding off the Korean when he tries to go around him, and waiting for the perfect time to move.

 

It’s during lap 9 that JR notices the changes start. Jordan’s not picking up his feet like usual, and the gap between him and Flou widens by several feet. JR watches for him to go wide in the corner and as soon as he does, he darts forward on the inside, sliding into second place. He hears Jordan grunt in displeasure, and forces back a smile. The smile disappears completely when Hamelin makes his move.

 

Apolo had called it correctly. Hamelin was pissed and of course that meant he was reckless. Finding himself in 5th with only 2 ½ laps to go he tries to dart around the Korean as they enter the corner, and almost makes it. But there’s not enough space and Hamelin’s bumps the Korean. They’re all skating so close it causes a domino effect and almost everyone gets bumped in the resulting crash. Hamelin goes down, sliding into the wall. The Korean boots out and skids out to the side, his flailing arm taking out Jordan, and by proximity, pumping JR too. JR stumbles, but is quick to regain his footing, the only damage done a brief loss of speed. Jordan avoids a fall but the Korean doesn’t. He bounces right back up again though and the race is still on.

 

JR tries to catch up with Flou, but the Canadian has not been slowed down by the actions of his teammate, and crosses the finish line several feet before JR does. JR takes second, and looks back as he rounds the far corner, just in time to see Jordan scramble across the line inches before the Korean. The British skater comes in next followed by a pissed and shouting Hamelin, his side covered in frost from the ice.. JR ducks his head, bending at the waist, hands on his knees and fights not to laugh. He looks to the side as he hears someone come up beside him. He turns and it’s Jordan, who is practically crowing with triumph. JR grins then, standing up and clapping his friend on the back. Jordan skates closer, winding an arm around JR’s waist and giving him a half hug. When he pulls back a few seconds later, he knocks his knuckles against the carbon fiber pad on JR’s back. JR laughs in response, shaking his head. Flou skates up beside them then, and JR nods in greeting. Flou nods back, a warm smile on his face as he skates past them to the pads where the Canadian coaches are shouting in French. JR and Jordan head to the pads too, where Jimmy and Apolo stand smiling and waving, American Flags at the ready.

 

JR is exhausted and exhilarated at the same time, and the rush of tiredness interacts with the endorphin rush of winning silver and makes him a little loopy. Jordan’s with him the whole night, right beside him celebrating his bronze medal. JR can’t stop smiling, and by the time he’s gone through the flower ceremony, the post-race interviews and press conference, the medal ceremony, and the party at USA House where he’s reunited with his family, he’s almost forgotten about what he’d done in the semi’s.

 

It’s not until he’s shrugging off his coat in the dark of the dorm room that it pops back into his head. He tosses his jacket onto the kitchen counter near the front door, setting down his bag of gear and his skates in their usual spot by the couch. He wants to say something, but Apolo is being quiet, and suddenly it’s not a comfortable we’re-so-exhausted-and-ready-for-bed quiet, instead it’s making JR nervous. He follows Apolo into the one bedroom they’ve been using during their stay so far and watches him step into the bathroom and close the door, all without saying a single word. JR sighs, and reaches for the thick ribbon around his neck, pulling the heavy medal up off and over his head. He sets it down on the nightstand next to their too small bed, and sits down on the side of the mattress facing the window. It’s dark in their room, neither of them having turned on the lights. JR hears the water turn on in the bathroom and suddenly his nervousness drains away and he’s left with just the tiredness. It’s almost 4 in the morning and he doesn’t want to do this right now.

 

Leaning down he unties his shoes, tossing them into the corner and shrugging out of the light jacket that was part of his interview uniform. Standing from the side of the bed he walks to the closet and hangs the jacket up. He’s still standing there staring with unfocused eyes at the closet full of red white and blue uniforms, when Apolo steps out of the bathroom. JR looks over, his eyes meeting Apolo’s apprehensively. Apolo stares back at him, but doesn’t say anything, just flips on the overhead light for the bedroom, and heads over to the dresser.

 

“Apolo?” JR asks. Apolo keeps his back to him as he digs in the drawers.

 

“Go brush your teeth, JR,” Apolo says, voice quiet. JR swallows thickly.

 

“I know you’re mad,” JR starts to say, but Apolo swings around quickly to look at him and the expression on his face makes the words die in JR’s throat. His face is twisted with so many emotions that JR doesn’t quite know how to interpret them all. He chokes on the next word and stares at Apolo in confusion.

 

“I’m not mad,” Apolo whispers harshly. He turns away again, running fingers roughly through his hair. He slams the drawer closed on the dresser and kicks his shoes off, they fly into the corner where JR’s sit so hard they leave a black scuff on the white wall. Apolo reaches for his own shirt and rips it off over his head. He flings it into another corner, toward their hamper. This is very unlike Apolo’s usual neat-freak behavior that JR almost flinches.

 

“Apolo?” he says softly. Apolo shakes his head, unzipping his pants and sitting down on the side of the bed to pull them down and off. He leaves them puddled there on the floor and yanks the blanket free from the top of the bed, climbing under the covers. JR steps closer to the bed. He doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know what is going on inside Apolo’s head and it’s throwing him. Usually he can read Apolo like a book. He watches Apolo get comfortable, rolling onto his left side, and closing his eyes. He frowns. “I wish you’d just yell at me and get it over with, Apolo. I know I deserve it.”

 

“Brush your teeth and come to bed. I’m too tired for this shit right now,” Apolo mutters, pulling the blankets up over his shoulder. JR sighs, and does as ordered. He steps into the bathroom and brushes his teeth. When he’s done he flicks out the light at the wall and slowly approaches the bed.

 

Apolo is still lying motionless under the covers with his back to JR. JR wants to say something but he doesn’t know what. So he stays silent. Unzipping his pants, he pulls them off, and tosses them toward the closet, then walks around the bed to lay down behind Apolo. He pulls the covers up and rolls to face Apolo’s back. He’s exhausted but too upset to sleep. They lay there in silence for so long JR thinks maybe Apolo has really fallen asleep. But Apolo hasn’t and his voice sounds strained and hurt and angry all at the same time when he finally speaks.

 

“I’m not mad at you,” Apolo says. JR stays still, wanting to get him to keep talking. Apolo rolls over onto his back and stairs up at the shadowed ceiling. “I’m not. I understand how you feel about that pad, JR. I get it. I know it’s uncomfortable and it’s bulky, and it’s not something you want to have to use. But you DO have to use it. You NEED to use it and it pisses me off that you wouldn’t,” he says that in a rush, his voice almost frantic. He takes a deep breath to calm himself. “When you went out there today, and you purposefully left it behind, you were letting Hamelin win. What he wanted was for you to go hurt yourself. Why do you think he pokes you about being weak and fragile? Because he knows it bugs the crap out of you. He can see the insecurity. Anyone who looks at you can. He used that to endanger your fucking life!” that part he yells and JR blinks at him.  

 

“My life wasn’t endangered,” JR whispers back, staring at the side of Apolo’s face. Apolo turns to look at him then.

 

“You saw what happened in the final, JR. You saw Hamelin hit the wall. You saw him almost take out three of you with him. What do you think would happen if you took a skate blade to the kidney? Your only kidney?” Apolo asks him. He reaches for JR then, hand gripping JR’s shoulder tightly. “Things are different now, JR. They won’t ever be the same. And it doesn’t change how good a skater you are. You’ve always been great. You’ll always be great. It only means that there’s one more way that skating is dangerous for you. And it’s a perfectly acceptable risk because we have something that counteracts the danger. A specially made and reinforced carbon fiber pad that protects you. But only if you fucking wear it!” he shouts, and JR blinks at him. It takes him a second to name the wild emotion in Apolo’s eyes. And Apolo’s right, it’s not anger. It’s terror.

 

“I’m ok,” he whispers, reaching out to pull Apolo closer, hands trying to soothe on the warm bare skin of Apolo’s shoulders. He moves to the center of the bed, pressing his forehead to Apolo’s. “I’m ok, Apolo.” The sound of his voice seems to snap Apolo out of his fear, because his hands turn possessive, his mouth angling up to take JR’s in a kiss. His hands came up to grip JR’s head, hands tangling in his hair, and keeping him close. JR sucks air in through his nose, tilting his head back and licking out into Apolo’s mouth. Apolo groans, reaching down with one hand to yank at JR’s t-shirt. JR breaks the kiss, pushing himself up into a sitting position. He pulls the t-shirt up and off, throwing it over the end of the bed. Apolo’s hands are on him in an instant, tugging him back down flat on the bed, and crawling on top of him. JR gasps, arms sliding around Apolo to pull him closer, to pull him down until they’re pressed from mouth to foot, Apolo’s erection pressed hot and hard to his. He arches, pressing up against the weight bearing down on him from above. Apolo groans, breaking the kiss, and dragging his mouth down JR’s throat. He bites at his shoulder, sucking at JR’s collar bone, listening to JR pant for air, and moan in pleasure. He slides his left hand down JR’s side, wiggling it down and around JR’s waist to pull him up off the bed to meet his mouth. JR whimpers in pained pleasure and Apolo pulls his mouth away letting him go. JR’s eyes fly open to meet Apolo’s.

 

“JR?” Apolo says. JR presses a hand to his forehead, pushing back sweaty hair and looks at him in confusion.

 

“Why’d you stop?” he asks. Apolo sits back on his heels, resting his weight on JR’s thighs.

 

“What hurts?” Apolo asks. He leans to the side, turning on the bedside light. JR blinks in the sudden brightness, covering his face with both hands.

 

“Apolo?” JR says in confusion.

 

“I know that sound. That’s your ‘fuck this hurts’ sound,” Apolo says. He scoots backward, and leans down to look at JR’s side. He grips him by the arm, twisting him to the side. JR makes the sound again. “Jesus, JR! What the hell?” he asks. There, running across JR’s side are bright red raw marks. The skin angry and sore. Apolo touches the marks gently, and JR hisses, moving away.

 

“It’s fine. Apolo don’t worry about it,” he says, dropping his hands and blinking up at Apolo’s concerned face.

 

“What happened? JR, tell me!” Apolo demands. JR drops his head back to the mattress and groans.

 

“It’s just a mark from where the strap of the pad rubbed during the final,” he says quietly. “It was a little too tight. That’s all.” Apolo blinks at him, sinking backward.

 

“But I put the pad on you,” Apolo says. “Why didn’t you tell me it was too tight?” JR shakes his head.

 

“I didn’t even realize what had happened until after, and by then it was too late. I’m fine,” JR reassures him. He grips Apolo’s hips and pulls himself up into a sitting position. He slides his arms around Apolo, yanking him further into his lap and clutching him closer. “It’s just a little sore. Stop freaking out,” he whispers, pressing his mouth to Apolo’s throat. Apolo sighs, sliding his arms around JR’s back.

 

“I’m sor,” he says, but JR’s mouth presses to his before he can get the word fully out.

 

“Shh,” JR whispers, kissing him again and pushing at Apolo’s slide to roll him onto his back in the too-small bed. Apolo sighs, shaking his head and looking up to him with a grin.

 

“You think sex is going to distract me? Shut me up?” he asks. JR adjusts his place over Apolo’s hips, hands pressed to Apolo’s chest, and mouth opening in honest laughter.

 

“I’m hoping you will forgive me for being an idiot, remember that you love me and that I’m incredibly sexy, and that we’re lying in bed together almost naked the night after I won my first ever Olympic Silver medal!” JR explains. “Don’t you think we should be celebrating?” he asks. Apolo’s answering laugh makes JR’s grin grow even bigger. Apolo bounces his eyebrows at JR, yanking him down with a hand behind his neck into another kiss.

 

JR and Apolo are late to breakfast the next morning, and when they get there conversation stops. And none of the guys, not Jordan, Simon, or Kyle can meet their eyes without blushing.

 

It’s a rocky start to the Olympics, and it isn’t exactly how JR had planned for things to happen, but he’ll take what he can get. His side is a bit better by Wednesday when they have the heats for the 1000m and the relay semifinals. Jimmy and Apolo decide to sit out JR for the relay semis to let Kyle race instead. Jordan races in the 1000m heats too and they both make it through. So does the USA relay team.

 

The following Saturday is the Quarters, Semis, and Finals for the 1000m. It’s the moment JR’s been waiting for all week. He knows he can win and he intends too. And he does. He takes Gold. For JR it’s pretty much the one thing that would convince him that he was just as strong and capable as he’s always been. It’s a huge confidence boost. But it’s also the last individual race for JR this Olympics. On Wednesday he cheers on Simon and Kyle in the 500 heats, watching Simon blow everyone out of the water. Kyle doesn’t do as good. He boots out and doesn’t qualify to advance to the quarters.

 

Friday is the last day of competition. When JR gets to the oval he wishes Simon good luck and goes to find his family. They’d spent sporadic bits of time together throughout the entire games, but this is JR’s first chance to spend time enjoying the games from a purely spectator point of view. But what he finds when he gets to their section is a surprise, because sitting next to JR’s parents is an 11 year old girl practically vibrating with excitement and her very tired looking Dad.

 

“JR!” Sarah yells, bouncing down the row of bodies and flinging herself at him. JR catches her picking her up briefly to give her a hug.

 

“Sarah! What are you doing here?” he says spinning her around. He kisses her on the cheek.

 

“We wanted to see you skate!” Sarah says with happiness. He sets her down and she pulls him down the row of seats until she gets back to her dad. JR hugs each of his parents before plopping down in the seat between his dad and Michael, and letting Sarah climb into his lap. She bounces there, grinning widely. JR reaches for Michael’s hand and gets a hug instead.

 

“We couldn’t miss this completely. Not when Peter called and told us they had spare seats to the last day of competition,” Michael grins and claps JR on the shoulder. “You’ve done amazing! We watched every single race! You’ve made us all insanely proud!” JR laughs back.

 

“The whole team is doing great. Just watch, Simon’s going to medal again tonight, and I’m going to do my best to make sure we get another relay medal. Hopefully Something shiny and gold.”

 

JR is right. Simon does medal. Simon wins gold. And the relay team does win a shiny new medal, only it’s silver. They come in second behind the Koreans, with the Chinese team taking bronze with a surprise performance that leaves Canada completely off of the podium. JR’s a big enough man that he doesn’t shove it in Francois Hamelin’s face that he’s going home without a single medal. JR’s prediction has rung true.  

 

The entire team goes to closing Ceremonies on Sunday, and JR knows that back home, his commercial for Donate Life is airing in millions upon millions of American homes. With a full day of media already meticulously planned out by Peter for the next day, JR decides to relax and enjoy his last night as just another Olympian. Because in that moment, that’s what he is. He comes in with the rest of Team USA, the other short track team members walking in one big group, coaches included. He sits with Simon on one side and Apolo on the other throughout the first part of the ceremony, getting up and mingling with the other athletes during the second half. And when he pulls Apolo close and kisses him during the fireworks no one seems to notice a thing, because he’s just another athlete celebrating the end of a successful games.

 

And they have been a very successful games. Team USA goes home with two gold medals, two silver medals and a bronze on the men’s side. The women do wonderful too, with three silver medals and two bronze. But JR goes home with a personal medal haul of one gold and two silver. It’s better than he could have ever hoped for and he’s ecstatic about it. He’s proven he’s still got it, that the last four years were worth it. But he’d also proven that he hadn’t missed out on anything by helping Sarah. As much as he’d liked to think he didn’t, some part of him had worried that in doing so, he’d been sacrificing his own dreams to do what he knew was right. It was a relief to know he hadn’t lost anything. In fact he’d only gained, and really in the end he had gained a hell of a lot.

 

The End


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